it?" Thank goodness I'd remembered. It gave me something to say to fill the silence.
"Look, I wanted to see you tonight to see if... well, we've hardly spoken since we..."
Blood pounded in my ears as I waited for him to finish the sentence.
"...slept together. And I know I'm only a bloke and sometimes we get it wrong but I get the feeling there's something up. It was my fault, wasn't it?"
"Your fault?" I spun round, amazed at his unwarranted mea culpa. "How do you mean?"
He rolled his eyes, looked to the ceiling, into the middle distance, down at the floor. Anywhere but straight at me.
"What I said. In the morning. The morning after? I scared you off when I said I loved you."
"Oh. That."
At last he was able to meet my gaze with his own. "Yes." He raised his eyebrows as he stared at me. "That. It's not every day a bloke says something like that you know. Well, not this bloke. Maybe guys say that to you all the time, but..."
Damn it. I could have kicked myself. Do excuse my callousness while your declaration of affection goes in one inattentive ear and out the other.
"No, they don't." In fact, only a handful had. None of them had meant much to me, except Gray. "I didn't mean it like that. I just wasn't sure if... if you..." I bit my lip. "Look, can I be straight with you?"
"Please do."
"Given that you said it... in the heat of the moment, I wasn't sure if you meant it. So I thought I'd better back off, just in case you didn't, so... oh no, I didn't mean back off. Hell, I'm not making a very good job of this, am I?"
"You thought maybe I said it because I was drunk?"
"The thought crossed my mind, but I figured the alcohol hadn't affected you in...uh...other ways..." I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. "Look, you're right. Men don't say that sort of thing easily so I figured it was the drink talking, or the heat of the moment and it was best to leave it be so you didn't get embarrassed. I'm not the sort of woman to leap on everything a man says and analyze it. So there it is. That's what I thought. Thunk. I mean think."
He nodded slowly, not saying a word, but his brow wrinkled in the merest hint of a frown and his irritated expression became disappointed. In me. Even hurt.
"Well? Aren't you going to say something?"
"Yes, you're right...all of the above are possible explanations. I could have been drunk. I wasn't, mind you, especially after spending the entire night here, which gave me plenty of time to sober up. But that was a possibility I could see you entertaining."
"Oh."
"And getting carried away. In the heat of the moment and all that. Yeah, I could see that too. I mean, it was pretty hot, wasn't it?"
"Yeah." I smiled. "Hell yeah."
"So there's the drink, or getting carried away because I was inside you and just about to come." His emphasis on certain words startled me; he'd sounded unusually cold. Not like himself at all. "But there's one other reason you seem to have forgotten. One other excuse for me telling a woman I loved her."
"Oh? Really?" I cleared my throat, knowing he wanted me to ask. "Uh, what's that then?"
He looked me straight in the eye. "I could have meant it, Piper. I could have said I loved you because I meant it."
I looked at the floor in shame, unable to meet his gaze. I'd hurt him. That was all I knew in that moment. I'd hurt Gray.
The kettle clicked off but I made no move to see to the drinks. I wasn't in the mood for coffee any more and assumed Gray wasn't either.
Thank God for him; he broke the agonizing silence.
"Yeah. I might have meant it," he muttered. "The fact you've gone quiet says a lot. Let's face it, Piper." As he said my name I forced myself to meet
"Look, I wanted to see you tonight to see if... well, we've hardly spoken since we..."
Blood pounded in my ears as I waited for him to finish the sentence.
"...slept together. And I know I'm only a bloke and sometimes we get it wrong but I get the feeling there's something up. It was my fault, wasn't it?"
"Your fault?" I spun round, amazed at his unwarranted mea culpa. "How do you mean?"
He rolled his eyes, looked to the ceiling, into the middle distance, down at the floor. Anywhere but straight at me.
"What I said. In the morning. The morning after? I scared you off when I said I loved you."
"Oh. That."
At last he was able to meet my gaze with his own. "Yes." He raised his eyebrows as he stared at me. "That. It's not every day a bloke says something like that you know. Well, not this bloke. Maybe guys say that to you all the time, but..."
Damn it. I could have kicked myself. Do excuse my callousness while your declaration of affection goes in one inattentive ear and out the other.
"No, they don't." In fact, only a handful had. None of them had meant much to me, except Gray. "I didn't mean it like that. I just wasn't sure if... if you..." I bit my lip. "Look, can I be straight with you?"
"Please do."
"Given that you said it... in the heat of the moment, I wasn't sure if you meant it. So I thought I'd better back off, just in case you didn't, so... oh no, I didn't mean back off. Hell, I'm not making a very good job of this, am I?"
"You thought maybe I said it because I was drunk?"
"The thought crossed my mind, but I figured the alcohol hadn't affected you in...uh...other ways..." I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. "Look, you're right. Men don't say that sort of thing easily so I figured it was the drink talking, or the heat of the moment and it was best to leave it be so you didn't get embarrassed. I'm not the sort of woman to leap on everything a man says and analyze it. So there it is. That's what I thought. Thunk. I mean think."
He nodded slowly, not saying a word, but his brow wrinkled in the merest hint of a frown and his irritated expression became disappointed. In me. Even hurt.
"Well? Aren't you going to say something?"
"Yes, you're right...all of the above are possible explanations. I could have been drunk. I wasn't, mind you, especially after spending the entire night here, which gave me plenty of time to sober up. But that was a possibility I could see you entertaining."
"Oh."
"And getting carried away. In the heat of the moment and all that. Yeah, I could see that too. I mean, it was pretty hot, wasn't it?"
"Yeah." I smiled. "Hell yeah."
"So there's the drink, or getting carried away because I was inside you and just about to come." His emphasis on certain words startled me; he'd sounded unusually cold. Not like himself at all. "But there's one other reason you seem to have forgotten. One other excuse for me telling a woman I loved her."
"Oh? Really?" I cleared my throat, knowing he wanted me to ask. "Uh, what's that then?"
He looked me straight in the eye. "I could have meant it, Piper. I could have said I loved you because I meant it."
I looked at the floor in shame, unable to meet his gaze. I'd hurt him. That was all I knew in that moment. I'd hurt Gray.
The kettle clicked off but I made no move to see to the drinks. I wasn't in the mood for coffee any more and assumed Gray wasn't either.
Thank God for him; he broke the agonizing silence.
"Yeah. I might have meant it," he muttered. "The fact you've gone quiet says a lot. Let's face it, Piper." As he said my name I forced myself to meet
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