was sleek, her skin
dewy and her lips glistening with gloss.
She headed towards the checkout desk and joined the long
queue. As she waited her gaze rested on an enormous crystal
bowl full of water set on a table in the centre of the foyer.
Large water lilies floating on its surface reminded Bella of the
time Sera had tried to de-clutter her crystal bowl. Hilarious!
Not so funny for Tony's new phone, but a great story.
She thought about her little sister in Sydney. The
crystal bowl had been a wonderful welcome gift from
Joan. Sera was so lucky. Bella didn't have feelings of inclusion
anymore. Not that she ever did really. When she'd
been married to Curtis she was just playing the housewife
role. She'd set the scenes so carefully, down to slippers at
the door and casserole in the oven. Like every part of her
life, really; it had all been an act. She'd so badly wanted to
belong to a clan. Like Sera did. She'd tried to be a family
with Curtis. What a fool she'd been.
In her mind the crystal bowl transformed into a cereal-encrusted
bowl on the kitchen table back on the farm.
'Staring at it's not going to get it clean,' her mother's voice
echoed from a distant time. Marlene was at the kitchen
table filling in one of her many competition forms.
Bella sighed and picked up the bowl, running water in
it to soak, then moved over to give the frying pan the same
treatment.
'I've got to get to school, Mum,' she said.
'Not till you've put those sheets out to dry, my girl, they
stunk of mould last week.'
'But Sera has to be on time today, she has an excursion.'
'Does she?' her mum muttered. 'How am I expected to
pay for that?'
'I've already paid. It's just to the petting farm up the
road. It was only five bucks.'
'Good girl. Pass my bag, will you?'
Bella passed her mother's tatty old leatherette handbag to
her. She wished her mother had a bag like Carrie's mother.
A different one each day to match her outfit. Always neat
and tidy.
She felt a slight warmth at the 'good girl' from her
mother. It was nice to be appreciated. She waited for
her mother to give her back the five dollars.
'Ah, here it is.' Marlene pulled out a dog-eared Scratchy.
'Thought I'd lost it.' She began scratching madly with her
split, stumpy thumbnail. 'Dishes aren't going to do themselves,
my girl. Thought you were in a hurry to get to
school or somesuch?'
Looking back, Bella could see that Marlene had simply
given up on mothering. She was over it by the time she'd
found herself pregnant with her fifth child and was happy
to hand Sera over to the eldest. Bella knew that in a big
family everyone had to pull their weight, but sometimes
she worried that Sera would think she was her real mother;
not Marlene.
She loved her little sister so much and wanted to be
there for her; but she got so tired sometimes and just
wanted to read magazines on her bed, instead of bedtime
stories to Sera.
But Marlene's gambling problem had kept the family
constantly broke; their grocery money squandered on
poker machines, Tatts tickets and horses. Bella had been
devastated the Christmas morning that Marlene told three-year-old Sera that Santa had 'got lost' and there would be
no presents that year. She was determined it would never
happen again. So from then on, Bella saved her supermarket
pay for stacking shelves to buy Sera and the boys
birthday and Christmas presents.
But no matter how many gifts she bought her little sister,
it never lessened the guilt she felt over Sera's accident. She
tried so hard to make amends for that one fateful minute
in time – in every area of her life. She strove to be perfect
at everything. To be a good friend; the best employee; an
immaculate guest.
As a teenager, Bella's only moments of peace came
when she lay looking at her Versace wall. Gianni Versace
embodied everything she dreamed of. It was all gold, glitz
and glamour.
Even the iconic Medusa face that was the designer's
logo seemed to reflect her own: eyes closed in an attempt
to shut
dewy and her lips glistening with gloss.
She headed towards the checkout desk and joined the long
queue. As she waited her gaze rested on an enormous crystal
bowl full of water set on a table in the centre of the foyer.
Large water lilies floating on its surface reminded Bella of the
time Sera had tried to de-clutter her crystal bowl. Hilarious!
Not so funny for Tony's new phone, but a great story.
She thought about her little sister in Sydney. The
crystal bowl had been a wonderful welcome gift from
Joan. Sera was so lucky. Bella didn't have feelings of inclusion
anymore. Not that she ever did really. When she'd
been married to Curtis she was just playing the housewife
role. She'd set the scenes so carefully, down to slippers at
the door and casserole in the oven. Like every part of her
life, really; it had all been an act. She'd so badly wanted to
belong to a clan. Like Sera did. She'd tried to be a family
with Curtis. What a fool she'd been.
In her mind the crystal bowl transformed into a cereal-encrusted
bowl on the kitchen table back on the farm.
'Staring at it's not going to get it clean,' her mother's voice
echoed from a distant time. Marlene was at the kitchen
table filling in one of her many competition forms.
Bella sighed and picked up the bowl, running water in
it to soak, then moved over to give the frying pan the same
treatment.
'I've got to get to school, Mum,' she said.
'Not till you've put those sheets out to dry, my girl, they
stunk of mould last week.'
'But Sera has to be on time today, she has an excursion.'
'Does she?' her mum muttered. 'How am I expected to
pay for that?'
'I've already paid. It's just to the petting farm up the
road. It was only five bucks.'
'Good girl. Pass my bag, will you?'
Bella passed her mother's tatty old leatherette handbag to
her. She wished her mother had a bag like Carrie's mother.
A different one each day to match her outfit. Always neat
and tidy.
She felt a slight warmth at the 'good girl' from her
mother. It was nice to be appreciated. She waited for
her mother to give her back the five dollars.
'Ah, here it is.' Marlene pulled out a dog-eared Scratchy.
'Thought I'd lost it.' She began scratching madly with her
split, stumpy thumbnail. 'Dishes aren't going to do themselves,
my girl. Thought you were in a hurry to get to
school or somesuch?'
Looking back, Bella could see that Marlene had simply
given up on mothering. She was over it by the time she'd
found herself pregnant with her fifth child and was happy
to hand Sera over to the eldest. Bella knew that in a big
family everyone had to pull their weight, but sometimes
she worried that Sera would think she was her real mother;
not Marlene.
She loved her little sister so much and wanted to be
there for her; but she got so tired sometimes and just
wanted to read magazines on her bed, instead of bedtime
stories to Sera.
But Marlene's gambling problem had kept the family
constantly broke; their grocery money squandered on
poker machines, Tatts tickets and horses. Bella had been
devastated the Christmas morning that Marlene told three-year-old Sera that Santa had 'got lost' and there would be
no presents that year. She was determined it would never
happen again. So from then on, Bella saved her supermarket
pay for stacking shelves to buy Sera and the boys
birthday and Christmas presents.
But no matter how many gifts she bought her little sister,
it never lessened the guilt she felt over Sera's accident. She
tried so hard to make amends for that one fateful minute
in time – in every area of her life. She strove to be perfect
at everything. To be a good friend; the best employee; an
immaculate guest.
As a teenager, Bella's only moments of peace came
when she lay looking at her Versace wall. Gianni Versace
embodied everything she dreamed of. It was all gold, glitz
and glamour.
Even the iconic Medusa face that was the designer's
logo seemed to reflect her own: eyes closed in an attempt
to shut
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