Voice of Our Shadow by Jonathan Carroll Page B

bad about that? It sounds right.” She offered me a fat chestnut.
    “What do you mean?”
    “I mean just what I said — it sounds right. Joe, kids are little shits, I don’t care what anyone says about how cute and sweet they are. They’re greedy and egotistical and don’t understand anything outside their own needs. You didn’t feel bad when your brother died because he wasn’t going to hit you anymore. It makes total sense. What’s the problem? Were you a masochist?”
    “No, but it also makes me sound terrible.” I was half indignant.
    “Hey, don’t get me wrong — you were terrible. We were all terrible when we were little. Did you ever see how vicious and monstrous kids are to one another? And I’m not just talking about in the sandbox either, where they bang each other over the head with their trucks! Teenagers … God, teach them for a while if you want to learn about mean. There is nothing in the world as small and malicious and self-centered as a fifteen-year-old. No, Joey, don’t crucify yourself over it. People don’t become human until they’re around twenty-two years old, and then they’re just beginning. Don’t laugh, I’m completely serious.”
    “Okay, but I’m only twenty-five!”
    “Who said you were human?” She ate the last chestnut and threw the shell at me.
     
    An editor who was interested in my idea for the war book was coming over to the Frankfurt Book Fair and asked if I’d come up so we could talk about it. I readily agreed because it gave me a good excuse to take a train ride (which I love) and to meet some New York book people. I mentioned the trip to Paul only because the subject of train travel came up in conversation one day when we were having lunch together. We went on to reminisce about the great train trips we’d taken on the Super Chief , the Transalpin , the Blue Train from Paris to the Riviera …
    This was at the beginning of October, when the Tates were busy going to a month-long adventure-film festival at the Albertina museum in town. The night I left, I knew they were due to see a double feature they’d been talking about for weeks — North by Northwest and The Thirty-nine Steps . We had coffee together at the Landtmann in the late afternoon and said we would rendezvous somewhere as soon as I got back to town. Fine, see you then. When we separated, I stopped, turned, and watched them walk away. India was talking excitedly to Paul, as if she’d just met him after a long separation and had many new things to tell him. I smiled and thought of how quickly our relationship had blossomed. I smiled even more when I thought how great it was to have both Vienna and them to return to.
    I’ve never been lonely in either an airport or a train station. The sounds and smells of travelers, dust, and huge metal; people rushing around in every direction; arrivals, departures, and expectations in their veins instead of blood. If I am ever traveling somewhere, I try to be in the station at least an hour before departure so I can sit somewhere and enjoy the bustle. You can always go to a train station and sit there and enjoy it, but it’s better if you’re on your way someplace or expecting someone.
    The original Vienna Westbahnhof was destroyed in the war, and the building that replaced it is one of those modern boxy things with no character at all. What saves it in the end is that about eighty percent of the place is glass — windows everywhere — and no matter where you are, you have a panoramic view of that part of the city. It’s wonderful to go in the afternoon and watch the sun drift through the windows and over everything. At night, climb the wide middle staircase, and once at the top, turn around quickly: the Café Westend across the street is full and bright, trams stream by in every direction, and the neon ads on the sides of the buildings splatter the dark with words and catch phrases that remind you that you’re in a far country. Car insurance is