checked out instead of helping you through this and I was wrong for that. I'll admit that, but you put your attitude in check or we're going to have problems. Got it?"
His mouth dropped a little and he nodded slowly. Okay, that was good. "You kinda sound like my Mom," he said hesitantly.
"Damn straight I do. Have you eaten lunch?" I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him into the kitchen.
"No."
"Are you hungry?"
"Mom, I'm always hungry these days." I stopped digging through the cupboards and actually looked at him.
Oh my God. When did I stop seeing him? He'd grown at least five inches in the last few months and my baby was turning into a man. It took me a few minutes to register that he was taller t han I was.
My breath left me in a pained exhale.
"Mom? What's wrong?"
I took a step forward and pulled him into my arms. "Nothing," I whispered against his neck. "You're just getting so big. I'm afraid that I'm going to blink and you'll be gone with a f amily of your own."
I refused to cry.
"Hey, wanna go shopping with me? We can hit Chapel Hills and grab some new clothes and then fatty food court fare. It looks like you probably don ’ t fit into your jeans anymore."
He stepped back and looked at me uncert ainly before taking a deep breath. "Mom, don't take this the wrong way… but I'm guessing that you just realized that you haven't been much of a mother lately, so you're going to try making it up for it. You shouldn't."
My eyes widened and I bit down on my l ip hard to keep from tearing up. "Wow, okay."
"No," He groaned and hit the palm of his head against his forehead a few times in frustration. "It's not like that. It's just – Mom, you've been doing the best you could and you've left me in the care of people who have done a really good job at making sure that I was okay… well except for a few times." He stopped for a moment and took a deep breath.
"I don't want you to feel guilty – that's all. Drew told me what's been going on. What's really been going on - not the crap you've been feeding me. I just – I thought we were a team." He folded in on himself. Not physically but I could see him withdrawing into a place where this hurt couldn't reach him. I stopped the retreat with three words.
"I'm so sorry." I pull ed him back and grabbed his chin so he'd look me in the eye. "I got overwhelmed and didn't juggle the right things. We're going to be stuck here for a while. Let's see if we can get back on the right track, okay?"
While I was talking to him my mind was whi rling frantically. What had Drew been telling him? Did he tell him about Brandon's death? I needed to know but I was afraid to ask. The next time I saw that jerk, he was getting an earful. Yes, he was the biological father of my son, but he didn't get to s pew out information willy nilly without talking to me about it first.
He nodded in agreement.
"I'm going to stop trying to protect your feelings and you're going to do the same for me and actually tell me when I'm being a shitty parent, okay?"
"Yeah – oka y. But maybe I won't do it so much because Mom, you're kind of delicate."
I laughed and shook my head. "No, that's exactly when you need to tell me. You have to be honest. How are you doing with your Dad's death?"
"I'm confused," he said quietly, looking back down at the ground. "I mean I know he wasn't my real father, but he was my Dad, you know? I'm going to miss him. Drew just isn't my Dad. I feel bad."
"No," I said shaking my head. "Drew is never going to be your Dad, baby. Brandon has that spot. It's okay to be confused and it's okay to hurt. Let's go hit the road and we'll stop and get some frozen yogurt after I buy some new pants, ‘ kay?"
He seemed to be struggling with some kind of internal debate before he finally nodded begrudgingly and followed m e into the garage - where my SUV was nowhere in sight.
"Where the fuck is my car?" I yelled.
Dylan cringed and stepped back as if to avoid the fallout that was about
His mouth dropped a little and he nodded slowly. Okay, that was good. "You kinda sound like my Mom," he said hesitantly.
"Damn straight I do. Have you eaten lunch?" I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him into the kitchen.
"No."
"Are you hungry?"
"Mom, I'm always hungry these days." I stopped digging through the cupboards and actually looked at him.
Oh my God. When did I stop seeing him? He'd grown at least five inches in the last few months and my baby was turning into a man. It took me a few minutes to register that he was taller t han I was.
My breath left me in a pained exhale.
"Mom? What's wrong?"
I took a step forward and pulled him into my arms. "Nothing," I whispered against his neck. "You're just getting so big. I'm afraid that I'm going to blink and you'll be gone with a f amily of your own."
I refused to cry.
"Hey, wanna go shopping with me? We can hit Chapel Hills and grab some new clothes and then fatty food court fare. It looks like you probably don ’ t fit into your jeans anymore."
He stepped back and looked at me uncert ainly before taking a deep breath. "Mom, don't take this the wrong way… but I'm guessing that you just realized that you haven't been much of a mother lately, so you're going to try making it up for it. You shouldn't."
My eyes widened and I bit down on my l ip hard to keep from tearing up. "Wow, okay."
"No," He groaned and hit the palm of his head against his forehead a few times in frustration. "It's not like that. It's just – Mom, you've been doing the best you could and you've left me in the care of people who have done a really good job at making sure that I was okay… well except for a few times." He stopped for a moment and took a deep breath.
"I don't want you to feel guilty – that's all. Drew told me what's been going on. What's really been going on - not the crap you've been feeding me. I just – I thought we were a team." He folded in on himself. Not physically but I could see him withdrawing into a place where this hurt couldn't reach him. I stopped the retreat with three words.
"I'm so sorry." I pull ed him back and grabbed his chin so he'd look me in the eye. "I got overwhelmed and didn't juggle the right things. We're going to be stuck here for a while. Let's see if we can get back on the right track, okay?"
While I was talking to him my mind was whi rling frantically. What had Drew been telling him? Did he tell him about Brandon's death? I needed to know but I was afraid to ask. The next time I saw that jerk, he was getting an earful. Yes, he was the biological father of my son, but he didn't get to s pew out information willy nilly without talking to me about it first.
He nodded in agreement.
"I'm going to stop trying to protect your feelings and you're going to do the same for me and actually tell me when I'm being a shitty parent, okay?"
"Yeah – oka y. But maybe I won't do it so much because Mom, you're kind of delicate."
I laughed and shook my head. "No, that's exactly when you need to tell me. You have to be honest. How are you doing with your Dad's death?"
"I'm confused," he said quietly, looking back down at the ground. "I mean I know he wasn't my real father, but he was my Dad, you know? I'm going to miss him. Drew just isn't my Dad. I feel bad."
"No," I said shaking my head. "Drew is never going to be your Dad, baby. Brandon has that spot. It's okay to be confused and it's okay to hurt. Let's go hit the road and we'll stop and get some frozen yogurt after I buy some new pants, ‘ kay?"
He seemed to be struggling with some kind of internal debate before he finally nodded begrudgingly and followed m e into the garage - where my SUV was nowhere in sight.
"Where the fuck is my car?" I yelled.
Dylan cringed and stepped back as if to avoid the fallout that was about
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