has seen it too, she has, but she concocted lots of good reasons on her motherâs behalf: she was tired, she had a stomach ache, a toothache, the brother sitting in front of them was wearing too much Old Spice. Doesnât she make Emily and Lenora come to all the meetings and do all the readings? Then again, Emily canât remember the last time she saw her mom reading a Watchtower or Awake! or one of the many brightly coloured Hall books, unless their dad made them all have a Family Study. But that doesnât mean sheâs an unbeliever. Of course she isnât; she wants to live forever in Paradise on Earth, just like everyone else at the Hall.
â Of course she likes going to the Hall. She doesnât want to die at Armageddon.
Lenora stops and looks at her.
â Are you sure about that?
And suddenly Emily is not sure. She isnât sure about anything anymore. Her lip trembles and she turns away and runs.
â Shut up!
IT COULDNâT BE TRUE. OF course her mom still cares about everlasting life. Her mom is not falling out of the Truth. Neither is Lenora. No one is.
Lenora catches up to her and they slow down.
â Do you think sheâs . . . you know . . . Emily is scared to even say the word. She whispers it, as though uttering it aloud would make it true.
â An apostate ?
Lenora waits a long time before she answers. The wind rushes past them and snaps a branch off a nearby tree. It crashes to the ground and Emily jumps, then shivers.
â No. I donât think sheâs an apostate. But I think Dad talked her into it, and now she wishes she was normal.
Emily doesnât ask What about you? Do you wish you were normal too? Instead, she thinks itâs a good time to remind her of the consequences of falling out of the Truth.
â What if she gets disfellowshipped? What if weâre not allowed to associate with her anymore?
â Donât worry, she wonât. The elders donât know what sheâs thinking, and she hasnât done anything wrong. Anyway, she still goes out in service and comes to most of the meetings.
â Yeah. Emily wraps her arms around her middle.
â Once though, a few weeks ago, she told Dad we were going out in service, just her and I, and we went to Uncle Tylerâs instead. We rented a movie and she made me promise not to tell.
â Where was I? Emily hadnât been invited. They hadnât wanted her along. Suddenly, doing what she was told didnât seem to be enough for her mom. She shakes her head and kicks at some of the wet leaves in the snow. Could it be possible that she is too obedient?
â You were out going door to door with Dad and Brother Wilde. You guys had no idea!
Lenora laughs it off as they walk back home, but Emily is quiet. They had lied about going out in service. And they didnât want her along. She may have felt guilty, but she wouldnât have told. This must be how worldly kids with divorced parents felt, like theyâre being pulled in two different directions at once, and wanting to just stay put and not go either way.
In the distance, their house is a grey shape against a greyer sky. Then the kitchen light glints on and their mom is at the window washing dishes.
â Are you going to dye your hair back to normal?
â No way. Theyâll get used to it. Trust me.
10
ON MONDAY, THE SUN STREAKS through the blinds into Emilyâs classroom, leaving stripes of dust suspended in the air. The bell rings, and the other kids shove their books away and race outside for recess, while Emily stacks her books symmetrically on top of one another, then slides them into her desk. She is the last to leave the room, relieved to not have to go to the playground today, and heads to the school library for her volunteer shift shelving books or taping spines or maybe even helping open boxes of new books.
The library is in the centre of the round section of the school, with
â Of course she likes going to the Hall. She doesnât want to die at Armageddon.
Lenora stops and looks at her.
â Are you sure about that?
And suddenly Emily is not sure. She isnât sure about anything anymore. Her lip trembles and she turns away and runs.
â Shut up!
IT COULDNâT BE TRUE. OF course her mom still cares about everlasting life. Her mom is not falling out of the Truth. Neither is Lenora. No one is.
Lenora catches up to her and they slow down.
â Do you think sheâs . . . you know . . . Emily is scared to even say the word. She whispers it, as though uttering it aloud would make it true.
â An apostate ?
Lenora waits a long time before she answers. The wind rushes past them and snaps a branch off a nearby tree. It crashes to the ground and Emily jumps, then shivers.
â No. I donât think sheâs an apostate. But I think Dad talked her into it, and now she wishes she was normal.
Emily doesnât ask What about you? Do you wish you were normal too? Instead, she thinks itâs a good time to remind her of the consequences of falling out of the Truth.
â What if she gets disfellowshipped? What if weâre not allowed to associate with her anymore?
â Donât worry, she wonât. The elders donât know what sheâs thinking, and she hasnât done anything wrong. Anyway, she still goes out in service and comes to most of the meetings.
â Yeah. Emily wraps her arms around her middle.
â Once though, a few weeks ago, she told Dad we were going out in service, just her and I, and we went to Uncle Tylerâs instead. We rented a movie and she made me promise not to tell.
â Where was I? Emily hadnât been invited. They hadnât wanted her along. Suddenly, doing what she was told didnât seem to be enough for her mom. She shakes her head and kicks at some of the wet leaves in the snow. Could it be possible that she is too obedient?
â You were out going door to door with Dad and Brother Wilde. You guys had no idea!
Lenora laughs it off as they walk back home, but Emily is quiet. They had lied about going out in service. And they didnât want her along. She may have felt guilty, but she wouldnât have told. This must be how worldly kids with divorced parents felt, like theyâre being pulled in two different directions at once, and wanting to just stay put and not go either way.
In the distance, their house is a grey shape against a greyer sky. Then the kitchen light glints on and their mom is at the window washing dishes.
â Are you going to dye your hair back to normal?
â No way. Theyâll get used to it. Trust me.
10
ON MONDAY, THE SUN STREAKS through the blinds into Emilyâs classroom, leaving stripes of dust suspended in the air. The bell rings, and the other kids shove their books away and race outside for recess, while Emily stacks her books symmetrically on top of one another, then slides them into her desk. She is the last to leave the room, relieved to not have to go to the playground today, and heads to the school library for her volunteer shift shelving books or taping spines or maybe even helping open boxes of new books.
The library is in the centre of the round section of the school, with
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