grandly. A crowd of about fifty hovers loosely. They are uncommitted, more paused than stopped.
“Step right this way, to see the gorgeous, the enormous , the Lovely Lucinda—the world’s most beautiful fat lady! Eight hundred and eighty-five pounds of pudgy perfection, ladies and gentlemen! Come see the human ostrich—he can swallow and return anything you hand him. Give it a try! Wallets, watches, even lightbulbs! You name it, he’ll regurgitate it! And don’t miss Frank Otto, the world’s most tattooed man! Held hostage in the darkest jungles of Borneo and tried for a crime he didn’t commit, and his punishment? Well, folks, his punishment is written all over his body in permanent ink!”
The crowd is denser, their interest piqued. Jimmy, Wade, and I mingle near the back.
“And now,” says Cecil, swinging around. He puts his finger to his lips and winks grotesquely—an exaggerated gesture that pulls the side of his mouth up toward his eye. He raises a hand in the air, asking for quiet. “And now—my apologies, ladies, but this is for the gentlemen only—the gentlemen only! Because we’re in mixed company, for delicacy’s sake, I can only say this once. Gentlemen, if you’re a red-blooded American, if you’ve got manly blood flowing through your veins, then this is something you don’t want to miss. If you’ll follow that there fella—right there, just right over there—you’ll see something so amazing, so shocking, it’s guaranteed to—”
He stops, closes his eyes, and lifts a hand. He shakes his head withremorse. “But no,” he continues. “In the interest of decency and on account of being in mixed company, I can’t say any more than that. Can’t say any more, gentlemen. Except this— you don’t want to miss it! Just hand your quarter to this fella here, and he’ll take you right on in. You’ll never remember the quarter you spent here today, and you’ll never forget what you see. You’ll be talking about this for the rest of your lives, fellas. The rest of your lives.”
Cecil straightens up and adjusts his checked waistcoat, tugging the hem with both hands. His face assumes a deferential expression and he gestures broadly toward an entrance on the opposite side. “And ladies, if you’ll kindly come this way—we have wonders and curiosities suitable for your delicate sensibilities, too. A gentleman would never forget the ladies. Especially such lovely ladies as yourselves.” With this he smiles and closes his eyes. The women in the crowd glance nervously at the disappearing men.
A tug-of-war has broken out. A woman holds fast to her husband’s sleeve with one hand and bats him with the other. He grimaces and frowns, ducking to avoid her blows. When he finally breaks free, he straightens his lapels and glowers at his now-sulking wife. As he struts off to hand over his quarter, someone clucks like a hen. Laughter ripples through the crowd.
The rest of the women, perhaps because they don’t want to make a spectacle, watch reluctantly as their men drift off and get in line. Cecil sees this and comes down from his platform. He is all concern, all gallant attention, gently drawing them toward more savory matters.
He touches his left earlobe. I push imperceptibly forward. The women move closer to Cecil and I feel like a sheepdog.
“If you’ll step this way,” Cecil continues, “I’ll show you ladies something you’ve never seen before. Something so unusual, so extraordinary, you never dreamed it existed, and yet it’s something you can talk about at church this Sunday, or with Grandma and Grandpa at the dinner table. Go ahead and bring the little fellas, this here is strictly family fun. See a horse with his head where his tail should be! Not a word of a lie, ladies. A living creature with his tail where his head should be. See it with yourown eyes. And when you tell your menfolk about it, maybe they’ll wish they’d stayed with their lovely ladies instead. Oh yes, my
“Step right this way, to see the gorgeous, the enormous , the Lovely Lucinda—the world’s most beautiful fat lady! Eight hundred and eighty-five pounds of pudgy perfection, ladies and gentlemen! Come see the human ostrich—he can swallow and return anything you hand him. Give it a try! Wallets, watches, even lightbulbs! You name it, he’ll regurgitate it! And don’t miss Frank Otto, the world’s most tattooed man! Held hostage in the darkest jungles of Borneo and tried for a crime he didn’t commit, and his punishment? Well, folks, his punishment is written all over his body in permanent ink!”
The crowd is denser, their interest piqued. Jimmy, Wade, and I mingle near the back.
“And now,” says Cecil, swinging around. He puts his finger to his lips and winks grotesquely—an exaggerated gesture that pulls the side of his mouth up toward his eye. He raises a hand in the air, asking for quiet. “And now—my apologies, ladies, but this is for the gentlemen only—the gentlemen only! Because we’re in mixed company, for delicacy’s sake, I can only say this once. Gentlemen, if you’re a red-blooded American, if you’ve got manly blood flowing through your veins, then this is something you don’t want to miss. If you’ll follow that there fella—right there, just right over there—you’ll see something so amazing, so shocking, it’s guaranteed to—”
He stops, closes his eyes, and lifts a hand. He shakes his head withremorse. “But no,” he continues. “In the interest of decency and on account of being in mixed company, I can’t say any more than that. Can’t say any more, gentlemen. Except this— you don’t want to miss it! Just hand your quarter to this fella here, and he’ll take you right on in. You’ll never remember the quarter you spent here today, and you’ll never forget what you see. You’ll be talking about this for the rest of your lives, fellas. The rest of your lives.”
Cecil straightens up and adjusts his checked waistcoat, tugging the hem with both hands. His face assumes a deferential expression and he gestures broadly toward an entrance on the opposite side. “And ladies, if you’ll kindly come this way—we have wonders and curiosities suitable for your delicate sensibilities, too. A gentleman would never forget the ladies. Especially such lovely ladies as yourselves.” With this he smiles and closes his eyes. The women in the crowd glance nervously at the disappearing men.
A tug-of-war has broken out. A woman holds fast to her husband’s sleeve with one hand and bats him with the other. He grimaces and frowns, ducking to avoid her blows. When he finally breaks free, he straightens his lapels and glowers at his now-sulking wife. As he struts off to hand over his quarter, someone clucks like a hen. Laughter ripples through the crowd.
The rest of the women, perhaps because they don’t want to make a spectacle, watch reluctantly as their men drift off and get in line. Cecil sees this and comes down from his platform. He is all concern, all gallant attention, gently drawing them toward more savory matters.
He touches his left earlobe. I push imperceptibly forward. The women move closer to Cecil and I feel like a sheepdog.
“If you’ll step this way,” Cecil continues, “I’ll show you ladies something you’ve never seen before. Something so unusual, so extraordinary, you never dreamed it existed, and yet it’s something you can talk about at church this Sunday, or with Grandma and Grandpa at the dinner table. Go ahead and bring the little fellas, this here is strictly family fun. See a horse with his head where his tail should be! Not a word of a lie, ladies. A living creature with his tail where his head should be. See it with yourown eyes. And when you tell your menfolk about it, maybe they’ll wish they’d stayed with their lovely ladies instead. Oh yes, my
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