contained more detailed and complete information on some subjects than they received anywhere else, even in establishments specialising in those subjects.
On the Beattys’ staff, The Bodger was the most competent lecturer.
‘The Beaufort Scale,’ he said one morning, ‘is a convenient method of expressing the forces of winds. Naval officers are supposed to be like fishermen. They exaggerate everything. What you and I would call a howling gale, having been through it, some civil servant sitting on his bottom in a safe office ashore will call a slight chop. But if they see a number, they might possibly believe you. It’s all done by numbers. Nought is defined as calm with a wind speed of less than one knot. Smoke rises vertically, branches of trees are motionless, whole day’s play at Old Trafford, farmers complain of drought, and so on. Six is a strong breeze. Wind twenty-two to twenty-seven knots. Smacks have double reefs, large branches in motion, telegraph wires whistle, you can’t put up an umbrella, farmers complain about the apple crop, and so on. Twelve is a hurricane and if you’re ever in one you won’t need a Beaufort or any other kind of scale to tell you about it. Defined as wind speeds above sixty-five knots, widespread damage inland, Air Ministry roof blown off, yacht crews take up dry-fly fishing, Wilfred Pickles organises Relief Fund, farmers complain of floods and so on. So much for the Beaufort Scale. Any questions? Maconochie?’
‘Have you ever been in one, sir?’
‘Hurricane? A couple. During the war.’
‘Which war was that, sir?’
‘Ha bloody ha ha,’ said The Bodger grimly.
‘But sir, I didn’t mean--!’
‘Never mind.’
The Bodger knew some worth two of that. Later in the lecture he dealt with lights.
‘When you see a light at sea, the first thing you do is take a bearing of it. Don’t worry about whether it’s the Queen Mary on a collision course or a seagull all lit up. Take a bearing first, and then take action. Maconochie, what’s the first thing you do when you sight a light at sea?’
‘Take a bearing, sir.’
‘Correct. Now, the different types of light. Navigational lights can be red, white or green. No other lights are allowed. So if you see a ship exhibiting purple, blue or puce lights it’s probably the Dartmouth ferry or an American liner. Now open your Seamanship Manuals at the section devoted to lights and you will see some pages of beautifully coloured examples.’
The Beattys opened their books and studied the examples.
‘You will see that they are all quite logical. Are they not, Maconochie?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘Now, Maconochie, supposing you are in a ship and you wish to indicate that you are a vessel over a hundred and fifty feet in length aground on a reef at night having just previously been streaming seine nets to starboard and acting as plane-guard for Ark Royal , what lights would you , Maconochie, as Officer of the Watch, immediately and unhesitatingly order to be hoisted?’
‘Two black balls, sir?’
‘Two black balls, Maconochie, indicate that your ship is not under control, which would be a reasonable assumption, but there would hardly be much object in hoisting two black balls at night, would there? Now Maconochie, leaving your personal feelings aside, double round the parade ground repeating slowly and reverently the while--”I must exhibit two black balls when out of control in the daytime only ”--until I tell you to come back.
‘And now, gentlemen, where were we? Lights, black balls, yes. Incidentally the sort of time you hoist black balls is when the steering gear breaks down or the quartermaster has a fit. You hoist them when you’re temporarily out of control . . . yes?’
‘Would you hoist them when you’re refuelling at sea, sir?’ asked Tom Bowles.
‘Yes, good question, you certainly would. You’re not a free agent and to a certain extent you’re not under control so while you’re actually connected by
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