freelancing on the side.
A few months after we married, our names came up on the base housing waiting list. We moved into a brick town house across the street from an airfield, planes landing early in the morning with thundering din. These would be condemned shortly after we moved out, with the white linoleum of schoolhouses for the living room floors.
All the lower-enlisted families lived together, from all sorts of jobs. In the middle of the night, I awakened to the sounds of the soldier next door shouting at his wife. âYou donât know how much stress Iâm under! My job is hard!â the husband yelled once. He was a file clerk who worked in an office between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m., with a ninety-minute lunch every day. The day started at five or earlier for my husband, and went on until after six in the evening or into the night. Other times, he was called into work at night, and wouldnât return for days.
Though I now lived among soldiersâ families, it was still hard to make friends. We were different. When my husband, in the black Ranger beret that was then exclusive to them, walked across the yard to his car, the neighbors stopped what they were doing and watched. If he waved, they waved back. If he didnât wave, no one spoke.
One morning, I looked out into the common backyard to see two four-year-olds engaged in a full-on fistfight, the mothers watching. I banged open the screen door. âWhatâs going on?â I asked as calmly as I could.
âThey were arguing,â one mother answered, âso we decided to let them fight it out.â Both of them were perhaps twenty, maybe younger. âDo you think we shouldnât?â Her question was genuinely earnest, her brow wrinkling as she waited for my answer.
I blinked at them, wondering if Iâd landed on another planet. âProbably not.â Later, I found it wasnât unusual around here to judge force as the best way to own another human being. At a picnic, a first sergeantâs son ran around punching the Rangers who ranked lower than his father in the testicles as his father watched with amusement; the men couldnât say anything to their superior.
I worried Keith would change, turn into someone worse than that clerk next door; or that maybe he was the type of person who thrived on violence, and I simply didnât know it yet. Whenever he was home, it was like a strange honeymoon, each of us careful to spend as much time as possible with each other, figure out our boundaries. I always dropped whatever I had managed to get going on to spend this time with him.
When he could, he went to plays with me, local productions. I went to everything in the area: high school productions, community college productions, community plays. Inevitably, in the dark, tired from spending multiple days awake, he would fall asleep. Iâd only poke him if he snored.
One morning, he asked if I wanted eggs. He made me an omelet, a thing so large it wouldnât fit on the plate. âHow many eggs did you use?â I asked.
âThirteen,â he said. âWhy?â He finished off what I couldnât.
At Thanksgiving, he brought home his buddyâone of the soldiers heâd just been away with for three weeks. Without telling me. The guy in question wasnât the problem; he was a gangly eighteen-year-old, far away from home; it was that Keith brought him back without asking.
âDonât you want to spend time with me?â I asked. âI missed you.â
âOf course I do,â he said. âI should have called. But he doesnât have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving. Donât worry. Iâll cook.â
I couldnât negate my husbandâs kind heart. As we progressed through the weekend, the young man chuckling at Keithâs raw turkey, sleeping on the couch, playing us at video games, I had an epiphany. There was another entity in this relationship. Not this young man
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