the water temperature and stepped in, letting the water fall freely onto her naked and exhausted body. It had felt amazing during the time but now she felt terrible. She almost felt empty. It was not that she did not want him any more, romantically and sexually, but that she could not shake the feeling she was making a huge mistake. What got to her even more was not knowing why she was fighting so hard against the right thing to do. She had no idea she had been standing in the shower for so long until Nick wandered into the bathroom to check on her. “Shauna, is everything okay?” She shut off the water and simply stared at him through the glass doors, shaking her head.
She crouched down and wrapped her arms around her legs, asking him not to come closer. “Shauna, I’m worried.” He was being completely honest and she could hear the concern in his voice. “Talk to me,” he told her. She looked up at him but said nothing. He was used to being in charge even without being pushy but now was not the time. She had too much on her mind and too much to figure out for this. At the same time she knew he was right; they needed to talk about this. Though it would ultimately be her decision whether or not to continue in this, there were things that they needed to discuss. She stood up and reached out for a towel to dry her body off. She put on a robe and slippers before silently walking back out into the cabin and sitting on the couch, looking straight ahead at the wall again. Her vision was broken when he sat on the coffee table directly in front of her, concern heavy in his eyes.
She finally broke the silence by spilling everything she been thinking about and feeling since he told her about his family. The entire time he only sat there listening, in complete silence, nodding at times to show he completely understood where she was coming from. They talked for hours, him answering question after question and then the two of them going back and forth with everything. At the end of it, they only sat in silence but had no solution. She stood up and said, “I need to be alone and think about this.” She walked out onto the deck of the boat and sat on the bench, looking up at the night sky and vainly hoping the answer to her problems might be written in the cluster of stars she had once enjoyed observing with him. She thought of calling Michelle but knew it was a bad idea to drag her into this. She kept going back to the part of the conversation with Nick during which he assured her nothing dangerous had happened in years and everything was pretty much peaceful. She learned he really was not involved with the organization and, as a result, enjoyed an even safer life than the rest of his relatives. The main danger was posed in his having the last name Verraud but that was about it. He also told her his older brother took every measure to protect him. This false tabloid story was as bad as it had gotten and that was only because the other family saw a perfect opportunity to express their disappointment in a transaction falling through.
From the way he had described everything, it seemed like they might actually have a chance at leading a quiet and normal relationship. It seemed like he had lived his entire life as just a rich kid and not the son of some organized crime family prevalent in Las Vegas. People seemed to fear the name itself more so than the actual members of the family. It was a hierarchy, simply put, and after generations they had secured their place at the top. When she thought about it this way, it did not seem so bad to want to stay with him. The more she thought about everything, the better she got at talking herself into believing staying was not quite so absurd as she had initially thought. By the time morning broke, she was still sitting on the bench and she on some level actually came to believe everything she had repeated over and over throughout the night.
Nick finally came outside having
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