was looking out the window, my back to him.
“Charlotte, you have to know, if I had heard you safe word, I would have stopped immediately.” He reached for my hand and I let him hold it. “You can’t possibly think –“
“Who’s Lameuix, Noah?” I asked, turning to look at him.
He had the decency to at least look startled, although there was no sense of guilt, at least not on his face or on his tone. His face tightened to stone, and a vein in his neck throbbed. “Charlotte. You will not ask me about that.”
I squeezed his hand, so tight I could feel the tendons and muscles through his skin. “Yes, I will ask you about it, Noah, and I will expect an answer.”
His hand went slack in mine, and he let me squeeze it even harder, so hard that my own hand began to hurt.
“Charlotte.” His tone was a warning. “You do not want to do this.”
“I don’t want to do what?” I asked, and then I took my hand from his and slammed my fist against the seat.
He jumped a little bit, the first real reaction I’d seen from him since we’d gotten into the car. “You do not want to press me. Trust me.”
“How can I trust you, Noah?” I cried. “How can I trust you when you won’t tell me anything?”
“That is what trust is, Charlotte. It is giving someone your belief even when there are things telling you not to. It’s – “ He cut off, and I saw the dawning of realization moving like a shadow over his features. He shifted away from me on the seat and looked out the window at the wakening city.
“What?” I asked. “What is it?”
“That’s why you thought you safe worded,” he said quietly. “When you didn’t.”
“What?”
“You don’t trust me. You think that if you’d used that word, if you’d said it, I might not have stopped.”
“No.” I shook my head. It wasn’t true. I knew Noah would stop if I used my safe word. I trusted him completely when it came to that. And yet the cold fingers of doubt were creeping through me, making me question everything. He hadn’t told me he knew Lameuix. What the hell else was he capable of?
“Anything I keep from you, I do it to protect you,” he said. “I made that very clear to you from the beginning.”
The limo was rolling to a stop now in front of our building.
I was tired.
My body felt bruised and broken, not just from the sex play, but from the emotional toll the day had taken on me.
“Let’s go inside,” I said. “We can go to sleep. It will look better in the morning.”
“I think it’s better if I stay at a hotel tonight.” His voice was sure, steady.
I keep quiet, not trusting myself to speak.
“You need time to think,” he continued, every word shattering my heart into smaller pieces. “And honestly, so do I.”
I wanted to protest, wanted to tell him I didn’t need time to think, that all I wanted was for him to come inside with me. I turned again and stared out the window. A bead of condensation hung on the glass, and it slid down smooth surface before disappearing.
“Why can’t we just be normal?” I whispered to myself, to him, to no one.
“We will never be normal, Charlotte.”
It was a variation of what he’d said to me outside the jail that day, the day I’d gone to visit Professor Worthington. Then, Noah had said it as a way to keep me happy, to make it sound like everything was fine, that even though we had challenges, we’d overcome them together, that everything would be okay because we loved each other.
I’d been naïve enough to believe him. I’d stood on those bleaches in Times Square and I’d accepted that ring and I’d thought everything was perfect, that our nightmare was over.
And now… now I didn’t know what to think.
It was like everything had been erased – Noah getting cleared of murder, Professor Worthington being put in jail. We were right back where we’d started, with him keeping secrets and me doubting him. I felt like I didn’t even know him, this beautiful man
“Charlotte, you have to know, if I had heard you safe word, I would have stopped immediately.” He reached for my hand and I let him hold it. “You can’t possibly think –“
“Who’s Lameuix, Noah?” I asked, turning to look at him.
He had the decency to at least look startled, although there was no sense of guilt, at least not on his face or on his tone. His face tightened to stone, and a vein in his neck throbbed. “Charlotte. You will not ask me about that.”
I squeezed his hand, so tight I could feel the tendons and muscles through his skin. “Yes, I will ask you about it, Noah, and I will expect an answer.”
His hand went slack in mine, and he let me squeeze it even harder, so hard that my own hand began to hurt.
“Charlotte.” His tone was a warning. “You do not want to do this.”
“I don’t want to do what?” I asked, and then I took my hand from his and slammed my fist against the seat.
He jumped a little bit, the first real reaction I’d seen from him since we’d gotten into the car. “You do not want to press me. Trust me.”
“How can I trust you, Noah?” I cried. “How can I trust you when you won’t tell me anything?”
“That is what trust is, Charlotte. It is giving someone your belief even when there are things telling you not to. It’s – “ He cut off, and I saw the dawning of realization moving like a shadow over his features. He shifted away from me on the seat and looked out the window at the wakening city.
“What?” I asked. “What is it?”
“That’s why you thought you safe worded,” he said quietly. “When you didn’t.”
“What?”
“You don’t trust me. You think that if you’d used that word, if you’d said it, I might not have stopped.”
“No.” I shook my head. It wasn’t true. I knew Noah would stop if I used my safe word. I trusted him completely when it came to that. And yet the cold fingers of doubt were creeping through me, making me question everything. He hadn’t told me he knew Lameuix. What the hell else was he capable of?
“Anything I keep from you, I do it to protect you,” he said. “I made that very clear to you from the beginning.”
The limo was rolling to a stop now in front of our building.
I was tired.
My body felt bruised and broken, not just from the sex play, but from the emotional toll the day had taken on me.
“Let’s go inside,” I said. “We can go to sleep. It will look better in the morning.”
“I think it’s better if I stay at a hotel tonight.” His voice was sure, steady.
I keep quiet, not trusting myself to speak.
“You need time to think,” he continued, every word shattering my heart into smaller pieces. “And honestly, so do I.”
I wanted to protest, wanted to tell him I didn’t need time to think, that all I wanted was for him to come inside with me. I turned again and stared out the window. A bead of condensation hung on the glass, and it slid down smooth surface before disappearing.
“Why can’t we just be normal?” I whispered to myself, to him, to no one.
“We will never be normal, Charlotte.”
It was a variation of what he’d said to me outside the jail that day, the day I’d gone to visit Professor Worthington. Then, Noah had said it as a way to keep me happy, to make it sound like everything was fine, that even though we had challenges, we’d overcome them together, that everything would be okay because we loved each other.
I’d been naïve enough to believe him. I’d stood on those bleaches in Times Square and I’d accepted that ring and I’d thought everything was perfect, that our nightmare was over.
And now… now I didn’t know what to think.
It was like everything had been erased – Noah getting cleared of murder, Professor Worthington being put in jail. We were right back where we’d started, with him keeping secrets and me doubting him. I felt like I didn’t even know him, this beautiful man
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