to me also, but now I’m not so sure if it’s the movie or its music. Sometimes I fall in love with a movie more because of the soundtrack.
“That’s because the movie has a good music supervisor.”
My mind was racing with possibilities.
“You should pursue music or film if you love them so much. Trust me, if you do what you love to do, you’ll never feel like it’s work.”
I looked at him, thankful that I had the chance to know such a nice person. Then came the imminence of his death, stealing the gratefulness away, replacing it with fear. I had hardly considered the actual death. To me, he was too real to succumb to the darkness that waited.
I was adamant about keeping my cool, but a thought flashed through my brain, a short-lived idea, rather. I had spent the better part of ten years avoiding such intense feelings, and here I sought out a man who made me feel the very same feelings I was avoiding. The realization overshadowed everything else.
“Jessica?” he asked.
I would have welcomed an intrusion by Jonas. This conversation was worse than ones I had with Dr. Norton, primarily because I’d never wanted to open up to her the way I wanted to share with Adam Levy and his unavoidable son.
Let’s not forget just how astute I was, how years and years of practice had taught me to master the game of denial. The storms I’d weathered before this one, this slow drizzle, were far worse. Deep breath. Deep breath. Count to ten, clear the runway, and I was off.
“It’s okay,” I said, wiping the couple of tears that got away. “I’m okay. I’m just sorry that you’re so sick. You’ve been so nice to me, you, your family, it’s just sad to think…”
“You shouldn’t be worrying…”
“Hmmm,” I grimaced.
“This can’t be easy for you, having lost your own dad.”
I stiffened at this. “How did you know that?”
“Your mother.”
“My mother ?” enunciating just so, as if she were the devil incarnate.
“It will make it that much harder to say good-bye.”
“I’m not thinking about my father or saying good-bye to you,” I lied.
The coughing began again. He watched me watching him. Tubes were covering his body like overgrown weeds. I handed him some water to bring them to life.
“It must have been difficult for you.”
I nodded, because I knew that was the expected response. I couldn’t say this to him, but as long as he was alive and breathing, I knew that I was safe from the ghosts of my past. As long as I could keep the dialogue going, listen, smile, and dote, then he would remain on this earth. I foolishly believed, as most almost-sixteen-year-olds did, that I had control over whether somebody would leave.
“Don’t be upset with your mother. She loves you very much. She worries about you.”
I shook off the words of affection as if they were a contagious disease. I would deal with my mother and her flitting later.
“Please don’t tell Jonas,” I begged. “He’ll just feel sorry for me and I don’t want his pity.”
“You don’t know my son very well. He adores you.”
“He has a funny way of showing it.”
The door swung open and Dr. Missed Opp kindly asked me to leave. “Mr. Levy needs his rest,” he said.
Adam Levy finished by saying, “You’re like his little sister Amy; wait until you meet her.”
I know he was trying to be kind, but the worst thing he could have compared me to was Jonas’s sister. “I can’t wait,” I said, getting up to leave.
“Remember what I told you, Jessica, do something you love…”
But the door closed behind me, and his words were cut off, leaving me to wonder how this conversation took such a downward spiral.
CHAPTER 6
I knew my mother was angry with me before I even entered the house. Maybe it was the fact that I was an hour late for my own birthday dinner, the evening she spent hours meticulously planning to include all my favorite things—Beth, a handful of new video releases, and the radio on full blast.
“That’s because the movie has a good music supervisor.”
My mind was racing with possibilities.
“You should pursue music or film if you love them so much. Trust me, if you do what you love to do, you’ll never feel like it’s work.”
I looked at him, thankful that I had the chance to know such a nice person. Then came the imminence of his death, stealing the gratefulness away, replacing it with fear. I had hardly considered the actual death. To me, he was too real to succumb to the darkness that waited.
I was adamant about keeping my cool, but a thought flashed through my brain, a short-lived idea, rather. I had spent the better part of ten years avoiding such intense feelings, and here I sought out a man who made me feel the very same feelings I was avoiding. The realization overshadowed everything else.
“Jessica?” he asked.
I would have welcomed an intrusion by Jonas. This conversation was worse than ones I had with Dr. Norton, primarily because I’d never wanted to open up to her the way I wanted to share with Adam Levy and his unavoidable son.
Let’s not forget just how astute I was, how years and years of practice had taught me to master the game of denial. The storms I’d weathered before this one, this slow drizzle, were far worse. Deep breath. Deep breath. Count to ten, clear the runway, and I was off.
“It’s okay,” I said, wiping the couple of tears that got away. “I’m okay. I’m just sorry that you’re so sick. You’ve been so nice to me, you, your family, it’s just sad to think…”
“You shouldn’t be worrying…”
“Hmmm,” I grimaced.
“This can’t be easy for you, having lost your own dad.”
I stiffened at this. “How did you know that?”
“Your mother.”
“My mother ?” enunciating just so, as if she were the devil incarnate.
“It will make it that much harder to say good-bye.”
“I’m not thinking about my father or saying good-bye to you,” I lied.
The coughing began again. He watched me watching him. Tubes were covering his body like overgrown weeds. I handed him some water to bring them to life.
“It must have been difficult for you.”
I nodded, because I knew that was the expected response. I couldn’t say this to him, but as long as he was alive and breathing, I knew that I was safe from the ghosts of my past. As long as I could keep the dialogue going, listen, smile, and dote, then he would remain on this earth. I foolishly believed, as most almost-sixteen-year-olds did, that I had control over whether somebody would leave.
“Don’t be upset with your mother. She loves you very much. She worries about you.”
I shook off the words of affection as if they were a contagious disease. I would deal with my mother and her flitting later.
“Please don’t tell Jonas,” I begged. “He’ll just feel sorry for me and I don’t want his pity.”
“You don’t know my son very well. He adores you.”
“He has a funny way of showing it.”
The door swung open and Dr. Missed Opp kindly asked me to leave. “Mr. Levy needs his rest,” he said.
Adam Levy finished by saying, “You’re like his little sister Amy; wait until you meet her.”
I know he was trying to be kind, but the worst thing he could have compared me to was Jonas’s sister. “I can’t wait,” I said, getting up to leave.
“Remember what I told you, Jessica, do something you love…”
But the door closed behind me, and his words were cut off, leaving me to wonder how this conversation took such a downward spiral.
CHAPTER 6
I knew my mother was angry with me before I even entered the house. Maybe it was the fact that I was an hour late for my own birthday dinner, the evening she spent hours meticulously planning to include all my favorite things—Beth, a handful of new video releases, and the radio on full blast.
Similar Books
