felt as if all the oxygen was knocked out of her. She could not look up so she stood quietly, her breath coming in small jagged whispers.
“Lizzie, I’m going away because of you.”
She lifted her head in one quick fluid movement. His eyes shone with a light of love or of pain … She wasn’t sure which, but she quickly bent her head against his gaze, wanting to defend herself against … against what? She didn’t know. She just knew she couldn’t go on looking into his blue eyes.
“You know how it is,” Stephen continued. “I’ve always, well, admired you, or in plain words, wanted you for my serious girlfriend. Surely you can tell a little bit how I feel. And there’s just never any sign of you returning that feeling. It’s always someone else. You care more about every other young man than you do about me. So … I figure the best thing for me to do is leave for awhile and try to sort out my feelings.”
Lizzie was speechless. How was she supposed to know how he felt? Okay, so Uncle Marvin had told her. But what did Uncle Marvin really know? Why hadn’t Stephen told her, really told her, before now? Lizzie glanced around, wishing that Mandy was nearby. What was she supposed to do?
“I suppose I’m hoping you’ll miss me, I guess, which is kind of dumb. But maybe you’ll be able to … well, maybe someday you’ll feel differently about me.”
“But … but …” Lizzie was searching for the appropriate words. All in one rush she knew she didn’t want him to go, but she also knew if he stayed she was not ready to commit herself to him before … Before what? She wasn’t sure. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she said, “Stephen, I do like you. You are a good friend, and I don’t want you to go away if you don’t want to.”
“I do. I want to go,” Stephen said.
That left her more confused than ever. He wanted to go. What if he found a nice girl in northern Pennsylvania and stayed there forever?
“Because you’ll find another girl and marry her?” Lizzie asked.
Stephen made a derisive sound, stepped back, and started on up the hill. “As if you’d care,” he flung back over his shoulder.
“Stephen!” Lizzie called. “Wait.”
He stopped. She could talk better if she wasn’t so close, especially if she could talk to the back of his head.
“Stephen, listen. Just give me some time. I need a few months to think and to sort out my feelings. Sometimes I feel confused, and I don’t always understand myself. My … my mom says I run away from God’s will, whatever that means.”
Stephen turned, and taking both her mittened hands in his, he said, “Did she? Did your mom really say that?”
“Yes,” Lizzie said, puzzled that it should mean so much to him.
“Well, I’ll go now, Lizzie. I’m leaving in a few days. Be good, and don’t forget about me.”
And he was gone. Just as if the night and the swirling snow had swallowed him whole, he was suddenly no longer there. Lizzie searched the area where he had stood a moment before, but he had vanished into the blowing snow, leaving her standing by herself on the side of the hill, as alone and dejected as she could ever remember feeling. She lifted her face to the sky as her heart cried out to God for guidance. Just show me the way, she prayed. You have to make it very clear, because I don’t understand very much about how you make your will known.
But she knew, more plainly than ever, that her heart yearned for God to direct her often shaking footsteps.
Chapter 7
A TOUCH OF SPRING sunshine flooded the Glick family’s kitchen in a soft yellow glow. The stainless steel teakettle on the stove top sparkled and shone as the light bounced off the shining windowpane.
It was Saturday morning, when breakfast was always later and much more relaxed than on weekdays, because no one had to hurry off to their jobs or to school. Dat and Mam were contentedly sipping their steaming mugs of morning coffee as they laughed at the
“Lizzie, I’m going away because of you.”
She lifted her head in one quick fluid movement. His eyes shone with a light of love or of pain … She wasn’t sure which, but she quickly bent her head against his gaze, wanting to defend herself against … against what? She didn’t know. She just knew she couldn’t go on looking into his blue eyes.
“You know how it is,” Stephen continued. “I’ve always, well, admired you, or in plain words, wanted you for my serious girlfriend. Surely you can tell a little bit how I feel. And there’s just never any sign of you returning that feeling. It’s always someone else. You care more about every other young man than you do about me. So … I figure the best thing for me to do is leave for awhile and try to sort out my feelings.”
Lizzie was speechless. How was she supposed to know how he felt? Okay, so Uncle Marvin had told her. But what did Uncle Marvin really know? Why hadn’t Stephen told her, really told her, before now? Lizzie glanced around, wishing that Mandy was nearby. What was she supposed to do?
“I suppose I’m hoping you’ll miss me, I guess, which is kind of dumb. But maybe you’ll be able to … well, maybe someday you’ll feel differently about me.”
“But … but …” Lizzie was searching for the appropriate words. All in one rush she knew she didn’t want him to go, but she also knew if he stayed she was not ready to commit herself to him before … Before what? She wasn’t sure. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she said, “Stephen, I do like you. You are a good friend, and I don’t want you to go away if you don’t want to.”
“I do. I want to go,” Stephen said.
That left her more confused than ever. He wanted to go. What if he found a nice girl in northern Pennsylvania and stayed there forever?
“Because you’ll find another girl and marry her?” Lizzie asked.
Stephen made a derisive sound, stepped back, and started on up the hill. “As if you’d care,” he flung back over his shoulder.
“Stephen!” Lizzie called. “Wait.”
He stopped. She could talk better if she wasn’t so close, especially if she could talk to the back of his head.
“Stephen, listen. Just give me some time. I need a few months to think and to sort out my feelings. Sometimes I feel confused, and I don’t always understand myself. My … my mom says I run away from God’s will, whatever that means.”
Stephen turned, and taking both her mittened hands in his, he said, “Did she? Did your mom really say that?”
“Yes,” Lizzie said, puzzled that it should mean so much to him.
“Well, I’ll go now, Lizzie. I’m leaving in a few days. Be good, and don’t forget about me.”
And he was gone. Just as if the night and the swirling snow had swallowed him whole, he was suddenly no longer there. Lizzie searched the area where he had stood a moment before, but he had vanished into the blowing snow, leaving her standing by herself on the side of the hill, as alone and dejected as she could ever remember feeling. She lifted her face to the sky as her heart cried out to God for guidance. Just show me the way, she prayed. You have to make it very clear, because I don’t understand very much about how you make your will known.
But she knew, more plainly than ever, that her heart yearned for God to direct her often shaking footsteps.
Chapter 7
A TOUCH OF SPRING sunshine flooded the Glick family’s kitchen in a soft yellow glow. The stainless steel teakettle on the stove top sparkled and shone as the light bounced off the shining windowpane.
It was Saturday morning, when breakfast was always later and much more relaxed than on weekdays, because no one had to hurry off to their jobs or to school. Dat and Mam were contentedly sipping their steaming mugs of morning coffee as they laughed at the
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