When the Messenger Is Hot by Elizabeth Crane

intelligent and especially how that reflects on her. Josie and Hyman share the usual bit of first-date family history and Josie enjoys that his family (divorce, actors, pornography) is even more exotic than hers (divorce, musicians, manic depression). Hyman wastes no time mentioning his mother’s recent tell-all with unhesitating disdain. Josie pretends she had no idea about the book but asks why it bothers him. Hyman says, It’s just so sordid . Left out of the tell-all was the information that in high school, Hyman’s mother, in an effort to help Hyman become a man (due to an unusually large head, which he claims only to have grown into later, a questionable occurrence) at the late age of sixteen, arranged for him to be deflowered by one of her Turkish colleagues. Josie doesn’t really know what to say about this but she’s thinking maybe Hyman lost those twenty SAT points on the definition of sordid . Hyman mentions over spring rolls that when they lived in Turkey there was no TV and that there wasn’t anything to do but read or fuck, and There was only so much reading, ha . Josie says, No TV? and wonders aloud how she’d ever live without Days of Our Lives and Hyman grimaces and says, Oh you didn’t just say that! clutching his heart as though he has just been stabbed and says television is odious and that he would never allow his children to be brainwashed by our spurious culture . Josie writes off ever having kids with Hyman but says nothing and they walk to Lincoln Center after dinner and Josie explains her theory of happiness and weather, how if a person can be happy in the winter then they must be truly happy in spite of gray, gloomy weather, that in the summer you might not know if you’re naturally happy because it’s easy to be cheerful on a beautiful day. Hyman laughs and puts his arm around her. You are wonderful , he says. Hyman kisses her before they even get to Carmen and asks her to be his date for a wedding he doesn’t approve of the following weekend in Philly. Josie agrees to the date but asks him about the disapproval and Hyman says they’re just not on the same level. What level is that , Josie asks, and Hyman says, An intellectual level . Josie says, Is that next to ladies lingerie? and Hyman says, Clever , and gives Josie a squeeze but doesn’t laugh.
    Hyman comes to Philly for the date wearing an Armani suit, which impresses Josie but seems uncharacteristic given his disdain for all things bourgeois, until they take the train to the wedding in Cherry Hill. Hyman introduces Josie to the couple at the reception as his friend but proceeds to try to make out with her over dessert, which public display of affection has never been her thing even under the influence of limitless free champagne. Josie tries to join the conversation with the intellectual/nonintellectual bride and groom but remains largely without comment. During a long and heated discussion about race relations during which Josie mostly remains silent (at one point, referring to the participants in the discussion/everyone present at the wedding being very very white, she says, What do any of us really know about race relations? to which Hyman says, You’re so cute and kisses her on the head). Josie’s uncertainty about which one of the newlyweds is on the lower level of intellect serves only to suggest that this particular uncertainty is not going to work in her favor with Hyman long-term. Hyman tries to sleep over at Josie’s apartment and Josie says, Not this time . Josie doesn’t have any particular rules about when she sleeps with someone but after only two dates is feeling uncertain that Hyman is interested in anything other than sex as a goal, and Josie has other goals in mind. Josie has graduation coming up.
    She skips the ceremony. Graduating in December with the other underachievers seems anticlimactic to her. She will put in her forwarding address and wait to receive