South Carolina and that’s not any better. It’s hot as fuck down there. She’ll be lucky to have air-conditioning.”
“And what about me, Jacob?”
“What about you?”
“You still haven’t said how I’m any different.”
“Different than Jennifer Brinkley?”
“Different than everyone else.”
“Because you’re getting out of here, Maggie. You’re going to head off to college and make something out of yourself, and what you’re going to become won’t have a reason in the world to ever come back here.”
Maggie looked angry, as if there was suddenly something eating her alive inside. Moments passed between us then, silent moments that neither of us knew how to break. She seemed to be thinking long and hard about something that she wouldn’t let out. She was staring at the floor when she finally spoke.
“I was just about ready to do whatever it took to shut them up before you got there.”
“Well, then I’m glad I got there.” I looked at her, and though we hadn’t been together in two years, I felt just as protective over her now as ever. She had places to go and would become something incredible, and I knew it. Even if she couldn’t be mine and even if I couldn’t go with her, I would go against an army with a handgun to make sure her road was paved. “That shit’s not like other drugs, Mags. I mean, it’s not like smoking weed or eating a couple of pills. Just look at my fucking family. That shit’s—”
“I know, Jacob. You don’t have to tell me. I know.” Maggie reached out and grabbed hold of my hands. She held underneath my palms and stroked her thumbs across my knuckles just barely light enough for me to feel. She was holding my hands and looking long and hard at the lines her thumbs ran, and I thought I saw tears rising from just above where those bottom eyelashes turned down. I’d never understood what she saw in me. Even when I was younger I knew that a girl like that kicking around with a guy like me couldn’t last, but she never seemed to notice the lines that had been drawn. I think she’d always thought of me as something worth saving, and when you find something that you truly believe you can save, it’s awfully hard to let that kind of shit go. That’s the only reason I’d ever been able to come up with for why she cared.
She leaned in and looked about as far into me as anyone ever had, like she was going to carry those silver-dollar eyes of hers somewhere deep inside of me and find something to buy and like she was going to bring that thing back out to hold it for keeps. I was going to let her if she wanted to and I thought she was going to kiss me and I just held there not saying a word. Instead she placed my hands onto my lap and stood up from the couch. That gleaming in her eyes started to rise again, and rather than fight it, she headed for the door. Maggie didn’t say another word, but in a way, those eyes had said more than words ever could. She left me sitting there to wonder what those things unspoken might have meant. She left me wondering if I’d been forgiven.
8.
The loud shrill of a chair scooting across the kitchen floor and the gradual increase in volume on the scanner woke me up from a dream that had me pitching a tent and humping a pillow. I started to just get up and close the door, but I needed a drink of water.
There were no lights on in the kitchen, but my eyes were settled to the dark and I could make out a shadow hunkered over the table with its head held sideways toward the speaker. I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a carton of orange juice that Josephine liked to mix with vodka and peach schnapps. The refrigerator light flicked on and off, and scintillated a broken view of my father at the table.
“Where are they?”
“Shut the fuck up.” Daddy’s head stayed tilted, his ear chewing on every morsel that came out of the scanner, and he looked right at me with eyes that settled on some far-off place through me, through the
“And what about me, Jacob?”
“What about you?”
“You still haven’t said how I’m any different.”
“Different than Jennifer Brinkley?”
“Different than everyone else.”
“Because you’re getting out of here, Maggie. You’re going to head off to college and make something out of yourself, and what you’re going to become won’t have a reason in the world to ever come back here.”
Maggie looked angry, as if there was suddenly something eating her alive inside. Moments passed between us then, silent moments that neither of us knew how to break. She seemed to be thinking long and hard about something that she wouldn’t let out. She was staring at the floor when she finally spoke.
“I was just about ready to do whatever it took to shut them up before you got there.”
“Well, then I’m glad I got there.” I looked at her, and though we hadn’t been together in two years, I felt just as protective over her now as ever. She had places to go and would become something incredible, and I knew it. Even if she couldn’t be mine and even if I couldn’t go with her, I would go against an army with a handgun to make sure her road was paved. “That shit’s not like other drugs, Mags. I mean, it’s not like smoking weed or eating a couple of pills. Just look at my fucking family. That shit’s—”
“I know, Jacob. You don’t have to tell me. I know.” Maggie reached out and grabbed hold of my hands. She held underneath my palms and stroked her thumbs across my knuckles just barely light enough for me to feel. She was holding my hands and looking long and hard at the lines her thumbs ran, and I thought I saw tears rising from just above where those bottom eyelashes turned down. I’d never understood what she saw in me. Even when I was younger I knew that a girl like that kicking around with a guy like me couldn’t last, but she never seemed to notice the lines that had been drawn. I think she’d always thought of me as something worth saving, and when you find something that you truly believe you can save, it’s awfully hard to let that kind of shit go. That’s the only reason I’d ever been able to come up with for why she cared.
She leaned in and looked about as far into me as anyone ever had, like she was going to carry those silver-dollar eyes of hers somewhere deep inside of me and find something to buy and like she was going to bring that thing back out to hold it for keeps. I was going to let her if she wanted to and I thought she was going to kiss me and I just held there not saying a word. Instead she placed my hands onto my lap and stood up from the couch. That gleaming in her eyes started to rise again, and rather than fight it, she headed for the door. Maggie didn’t say another word, but in a way, those eyes had said more than words ever could. She left me sitting there to wonder what those things unspoken might have meant. She left me wondering if I’d been forgiven.
8.
The loud shrill of a chair scooting across the kitchen floor and the gradual increase in volume on the scanner woke me up from a dream that had me pitching a tent and humping a pillow. I started to just get up and close the door, but I needed a drink of water.
There were no lights on in the kitchen, but my eyes were settled to the dark and I could make out a shadow hunkered over the table with its head held sideways toward the speaker. I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a carton of orange juice that Josephine liked to mix with vodka and peach schnapps. The refrigerator light flicked on and off, and scintillated a broken view of my father at the table.
“Where are they?”
“Shut the fuck up.” Daddy’s head stayed tilted, his ear chewing on every morsel that came out of the scanner, and he looked right at me with eyes that settled on some far-off place through me, through the
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