Mark about how you’re feeling overwhelmed too.’
‘OK,’ Jenny said, sounding even less convincing than Maggie. ‘And we’ll make some time for us too. How about we hit the town and go clubbing?’
Maggie couldn’t help laughing even though she suspected Jenny wasn’t joking. ‘Or how about a yoga class?’ she countered, recalling the nights out with Jenny in Chester where she had spent most of her time apologising for standing on people’s toes on the dance floor.
Jenny relaxed now there was a smile on Maggie’s face and said, ‘Yes, I suppose we are meant to be sensible, married women these days. Now, I really am sorry, Maggie, but I have to get this to the nursery. Are you going to be all right?’
Maggie assured Jenny that she was and could almost believe it herself. As she and Harvey switched to autopilot and stepped into the park, she reminded herself of all the people in her life, willing her to succeed. Did it really matter that Judith wasn’t going to be one of them? She had good friends and a loving husband, not to mention an amazing midwife who was already putting together a support network that would give her all the necessary skills to take on motherhood.
It was only when she paused at the top of the slope leading down to the lake that Maggie’s fragile confidence began to disintegrate again. She turned her face towards the park bench as if she could see its wrought iron frame and achingly empty seats. Her mum was meant to be there, to share her daughter’s joy at fulfilling her lifelong ambition to be a mother and to help her prepare for her baby’s arrival. She was meant to be there to silence her doubters. But her mum wasn’t there and Maggie felt her absence more keenly than ever before.
Her legs had turned to lead as she made her way down towards the bench but each juddering step felt like a body blow. Her heart thudded against her chest, which had an invisible weight pressing against it. Gulping air desperately into her lungs, Maggie began to feel light-headed. Tears stung her eyes but couldn’t blur the image of the empty park bench she held in her mind. Why had she ever thought she could do this? She couldn’t stand up to Judith and, more importantly, she couldn’t look after a baby. Not on her own. She couldn’t do it.
Overwhelmed by a growing sense of panic, Maggie ignored the uplifting scents of spring flowers around her and she was too engrossed in the rhythmic sound of water slapping against the slipway to pick up the scent of lilac perfume. Her pace raced alongside her pulse as she drew closer to the lake. She was ready to give herself up to the dark and silent abyss and would have done so if Harvey hadn’t been so determined to guide her towards the safety of the bench. Maggie wasn’t sure if it was the realisation of what she had been about to do or the sound of a woman’s voice that brought her to her senses.
‘Are you all right?’ Elsa asked.
Elsa couldn’t for the life of her remember how she came to be sitting on the park bench. The twisted branches of the giant rhododendron bushes growing up the embankment made her feel like she had been caught up in a huge spider’s web but it was her mind that was full of tangles.
Smoothing over the creases of her dress and resting her hand on her stomach, Elsa watched a woman stumbling down the sloping path with her dog. For a moment, she thought she would march straight into the lake and Elsa’s heart jumped into her mouth.
‘Are you all right?’ she called.
The woman’s breathing was ragged as she approached the bench. ‘Elsa?’
‘Have we met before?’ Elsa asked when the dog greeted her like an old friend.
‘Yes, the other day.’ The woman took a seat next to her and put her hand on her chest in an effort to steady her breathing. It took a moment or two before she could speak again and even then her voice trembled. ‘I’m Maggie and this is Harvey. Remember?’
Elsa placed the palm of a hand on the
‘OK,’ Jenny said, sounding even less convincing than Maggie. ‘And we’ll make some time for us too. How about we hit the town and go clubbing?’
Maggie couldn’t help laughing even though she suspected Jenny wasn’t joking. ‘Or how about a yoga class?’ she countered, recalling the nights out with Jenny in Chester where she had spent most of her time apologising for standing on people’s toes on the dance floor.
Jenny relaxed now there was a smile on Maggie’s face and said, ‘Yes, I suppose we are meant to be sensible, married women these days. Now, I really am sorry, Maggie, but I have to get this to the nursery. Are you going to be all right?’
Maggie assured Jenny that she was and could almost believe it herself. As she and Harvey switched to autopilot and stepped into the park, she reminded herself of all the people in her life, willing her to succeed. Did it really matter that Judith wasn’t going to be one of them? She had good friends and a loving husband, not to mention an amazing midwife who was already putting together a support network that would give her all the necessary skills to take on motherhood.
It was only when she paused at the top of the slope leading down to the lake that Maggie’s fragile confidence began to disintegrate again. She turned her face towards the park bench as if she could see its wrought iron frame and achingly empty seats. Her mum was meant to be there, to share her daughter’s joy at fulfilling her lifelong ambition to be a mother and to help her prepare for her baby’s arrival. She was meant to be there to silence her doubters. But her mum wasn’t there and Maggie felt her absence more keenly than ever before.
Her legs had turned to lead as she made her way down towards the bench but each juddering step felt like a body blow. Her heart thudded against her chest, which had an invisible weight pressing against it. Gulping air desperately into her lungs, Maggie began to feel light-headed. Tears stung her eyes but couldn’t blur the image of the empty park bench she held in her mind. Why had she ever thought she could do this? She couldn’t stand up to Judith and, more importantly, she couldn’t look after a baby. Not on her own. She couldn’t do it.
Overwhelmed by a growing sense of panic, Maggie ignored the uplifting scents of spring flowers around her and she was too engrossed in the rhythmic sound of water slapping against the slipway to pick up the scent of lilac perfume. Her pace raced alongside her pulse as she drew closer to the lake. She was ready to give herself up to the dark and silent abyss and would have done so if Harvey hadn’t been so determined to guide her towards the safety of the bench. Maggie wasn’t sure if it was the realisation of what she had been about to do or the sound of a woman’s voice that brought her to her senses.
‘Are you all right?’ Elsa asked.
Elsa couldn’t for the life of her remember how she came to be sitting on the park bench. The twisted branches of the giant rhododendron bushes growing up the embankment made her feel like she had been caught up in a huge spider’s web but it was her mind that was full of tangles.
Smoothing over the creases of her dress and resting her hand on her stomach, Elsa watched a woman stumbling down the sloping path with her dog. For a moment, she thought she would march straight into the lake and Elsa’s heart jumped into her mouth.
‘Are you all right?’ she called.
The woman’s breathing was ragged as she approached the bench. ‘Elsa?’
‘Have we met before?’ Elsa asked when the dog greeted her like an old friend.
‘Yes, the other day.’ The woman took a seat next to her and put her hand on her chest in an effort to steady her breathing. It took a moment or two before she could speak again and even then her voice trembled. ‘I’m Maggie and this is Harvey. Remember?’
Elsa placed the palm of a hand on the
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