Wide Awake by David Levithan Page B

we’d won. But instead the fight had only intensified.
    Sensing this, Virgil turned off the screen and stood in front of it. Sara moved to his side. I looked back and saw that Keisha had returned to the room. I avoided her gaze, because I knew if I caught it, she’d see I was unable to look her in the eye.
    “Well, folks, it’s looking like our victory party was a little premature,” Virgil told us. “But whatever’s thrown our way, we can take it. If we’ve gotta fight for our right, so be it. Wherever we have to take a stand, we’ll take a stand. Because those bastards aren’t going to take the Presidency away from us. No amount of fear they throw our way is going to do that. Am I right?”
    We all nodded.
    “What’s that?” Virgil wasn’t pleased. “I don’t think I heard you. Let’s try this again.
Am I right?
”
    “Yes!” we called out.
    “And are you with me?”
    “Yes!”
    “Pump up the jam a little more, kids.
Are you with me?
”
    “YES!”
    Virgil nodded. “That’s more like it.”
    I looked at the blank screen behind him. That seemed as good an image as any to show how we felt—we weren’t sure where we were, or what we were supposed to do, or even what was going on. I knew we were supposed to feel rallied, but mostly I felt confused. Let down, even. Like we’d just run a marathon and were now being told they’d added a twenty-seventh mile. And a twenty-eighth. And maybe even more after that.
    If this made me depressed, it made Jimmy angry. He just kept shaking his head, cursing.
    “This can’t be happening,” he said.
    I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and found Mira and Keisha, holding hands.
    “What now?” Mira asked.
    I couldn’t stop looking at their hands. So casually together.
    “Duncan?” Keisha asked.
    I saw you,
I wanted to say. But not with Mira there.
    “I’ve gotta go,” I said instead.
    “I’m with you,” Jimmy said. “Let’s walk to mine.”
    We said our good-byes. Virgil and Sara told us they’d let us know as soon as they found out what the next steps were. Flora gave us each another big hug. Then we were out in the night, the conversations of the house fading behind us.
    Nothing felt right.

nine
    It was about a twenty-minute walk to Jimmy’s house, and we were silent for the first ten. I kept flashing back to Sara and Keisha, and then to the oblivious look on Mira’s face. And I kept seeing Stein before he started talking, and I wondered which was the truth—his expression then or the energy he gave us when he was speaking. Did he secretly think it was over? Would the opposition manage to sway everything yet again?
    Jimmy took my hand, and I had to chase out the image of Mira and Keisha holding hands just like us.
    Finally Jimmy said, “It’s just too much.” And at first I thought he was talking about Mira and Keisha. Then I realized, of course, he had no idea. And I didn’t want to tell him, because there wasn’t anything he could do, either. Telling him would just make him feel as bad as I felt, and I didn’t see any reason for that. I would just have to hold on to it myself.
    “So close and yet so far,” I agreed.
    “We can’t let it happen.”
    He lifted his fingers out of mine and started to rub my arm. I pressed in a little more. His touch was nice. Very nice.
    We started to kiss, right there on the sidewalk. Not light pecks or sweetheart affections. No—this was need and this was desire and this was our way of trying to negate all the negativity around us. This was what the opposition always wanted to stop, so we did it and did it and did it.
    “Let’s get to yours,” I said.
    “Let’s,” he said.
    And although we didn’t run, we walked faster than before. Because we knew what was next. We let our anticipation block everything else out.

    I had been the hesitant one at first, and he hadn’t pushed. He wanted me to be ready, and I used that word as my guide—I was waiting until the word
ready
fit how I felt. Then