got roaring drunk, and Toby had been too pissed
to drive home. He obviously couldn’t go in the spare room, as usual, due to the guests, and Amelia had said, ‘Why doesn’t he just kip on the floor in my room?’ I’d been too tired and drunk to argue. This, then, had set a precedent. Wedged a thin end. And now he’d seen me
naked.
Back in the bedroom, still lacking pants, or any clothes at all, the phone was still ringing. I dived back under the covers.
‘Hel
lo!
’ I barked, furious.
‘What’s up?’ It was Lizzie.
‘Oh. Lizzie.’ I groaned. Covered my eyes. ‘Toby’s just seen me with no clothes on.’
She paused, startled. An excited note crept into her voice. ‘Gosh, I didn’t know you two … does Amelia …?’
‘Oh, not like that, Lizzie,’ I said, irritated. ‘This isn’t some torrid Alan Clark mother-and-daughter
ménage à trois
, this isn’t an episode out of your life. I ran into him on the landing.’
‘Oh.’ She was clearly disappointed. ‘Oh, well, do him good. See what’s in store for him twenty years down the track.’
‘Put him off for life, you mean.’
‘Nonsense, there’s nothing wrong with your figure. If he’d seen mine, he’d be far more devastated. Anyway, France,’ she said excitedly.
I narrowed my eyes. Sat up a bit. ‘How do you know?’
‘Amelia popped round to borrow my tent. She’s going to some music festival.’
‘Leeds – I know – but not for ages. You have a tent?’
‘Remember I went to Glastonbury? With Neighing Nigel? Anyway, isn’t it fab? A whole month! For free!’
‘Yes, well,’ I hedged nervously. ‘But we’ve literally only
just heard ourselves. So, obviously, I’ll have to talk to James about exactly who he wants to come and how long –’
‘Oh, we
definitely
don’t want the Harrisons,’ she interrupted. ‘Remember they came to Scotland that year and he banged on and on about his bonus and how all his children had got into Cambridge? And she kept passing wet wipes round the Land Rover in case anyone had touched a dead rabbit?’
‘No, not the Harrisons,’ I said weakly. ‘But Lizzie, a month is a long time. I was thinking –’
‘Oh,
don’t
be so wet, Flora. It’ll fly by, you’ll love it! You are absolutely not to ring and say we’ll have it for less. Think how brown we’ll be!’
‘Yes, well – oh. Hang on, Lizzie.’
Amelia had put her head around the door. ‘Why are you still in bed?’
‘Because I am
trying
to get up, but the phone keeps ringing. Why aren’t you at college?’
‘No classes. It’s an Ofsted day. Tobes and I are going to Reading. Is there any petrol?’
‘How would I know if there’s any petrol in your car?’
‘Oh, OK, there isn’t. Can I borrow your card? I’ve got, literally, no money. I’ll only put a bit in.’
‘No, you cannot borrow my debit card. It is not some magic wand to wave around willy-nill—’ Toby had stuck his head above Amelia’s in the doorway. He grinned.
‘It’s in my bag downstairs,’ I whispered, mortified.
‘Thanks, Mum. Can I give it back to you when we get back? It’s just –’
‘Yes, just
go
.’ Toby was still grinning at me. The door shut on their faces. I waited, horrified.
‘I
don’t think he’s told her,’ I hissed, aghast, to Lizzie. ‘He’s just been in. Don’t you think that’s weird?’
‘Who?’
‘Toby. I don’t think he’s told Amelia. And he was
grinning
at me!’
‘What, so you think he fancies you?’
‘
No.
It’s just … I mean, surely you’d say – Oh, help, I’ve just seen your mother with no clothes on? It’s just odd!’
‘I don’t know, Flora. I wouldn’t get too hung up on it if I were you. I doubt you’re the first older woman he’s seen in the buff. That boy’s given me the eye before.’
‘
Has
he?’ I was horrified. ‘ God, that’s
terrible
. You should have
said.
I must tell Amelia.’
‘Don’t be silly. He’s a flirt, that’s all. Nothing wrong with that.
to drive home. He obviously couldn’t go in the spare room, as usual, due to the guests, and Amelia had said, ‘Why doesn’t he just kip on the floor in my room?’ I’d been too tired and drunk to argue. This, then, had set a precedent. Wedged a thin end. And now he’d seen me
naked.
Back in the bedroom, still lacking pants, or any clothes at all, the phone was still ringing. I dived back under the covers.
‘Hel
lo!
’ I barked, furious.
‘What’s up?’ It was Lizzie.
‘Oh. Lizzie.’ I groaned. Covered my eyes. ‘Toby’s just seen me with no clothes on.’
She paused, startled. An excited note crept into her voice. ‘Gosh, I didn’t know you two … does Amelia …?’
‘Oh, not like that, Lizzie,’ I said, irritated. ‘This isn’t some torrid Alan Clark mother-and-daughter
ménage à trois
, this isn’t an episode out of your life. I ran into him on the landing.’
‘Oh.’ She was clearly disappointed. ‘Oh, well, do him good. See what’s in store for him twenty years down the track.’
‘Put him off for life, you mean.’
‘Nonsense, there’s nothing wrong with your figure. If he’d seen mine, he’d be far more devastated. Anyway, France,’ she said excitedly.
I narrowed my eyes. Sat up a bit. ‘How do you know?’
‘Amelia popped round to borrow my tent. She’s going to some music festival.’
‘Leeds – I know – but not for ages. You have a tent?’
‘Remember I went to Glastonbury? With Neighing Nigel? Anyway, isn’t it fab? A whole month! For free!’
‘Yes, well,’ I hedged nervously. ‘But we’ve literally only
just heard ourselves. So, obviously, I’ll have to talk to James about exactly who he wants to come and how long –’
‘Oh, we
definitely
don’t want the Harrisons,’ she interrupted. ‘Remember they came to Scotland that year and he banged on and on about his bonus and how all his children had got into Cambridge? And she kept passing wet wipes round the Land Rover in case anyone had touched a dead rabbit?’
‘No, not the Harrisons,’ I said weakly. ‘But Lizzie, a month is a long time. I was thinking –’
‘Oh,
don’t
be so wet, Flora. It’ll fly by, you’ll love it! You are absolutely not to ring and say we’ll have it for less. Think how brown we’ll be!’
‘Yes, well – oh. Hang on, Lizzie.’
Amelia had put her head around the door. ‘Why are you still in bed?’
‘Because I am
trying
to get up, but the phone keeps ringing. Why aren’t you at college?’
‘No classes. It’s an Ofsted day. Tobes and I are going to Reading. Is there any petrol?’
‘How would I know if there’s any petrol in your car?’
‘Oh, OK, there isn’t. Can I borrow your card? I’ve got, literally, no money. I’ll only put a bit in.’
‘No, you cannot borrow my debit card. It is not some magic wand to wave around willy-nill—’ Toby had stuck his head above Amelia’s in the doorway. He grinned.
‘It’s in my bag downstairs,’ I whispered, mortified.
‘Thanks, Mum. Can I give it back to you when we get back? It’s just –’
‘Yes, just
go
.’ Toby was still grinning at me. The door shut on their faces. I waited, horrified.
‘I
don’t think he’s told her,’ I hissed, aghast, to Lizzie. ‘He’s just been in. Don’t you think that’s weird?’
‘Who?’
‘Toby. I don’t think he’s told Amelia. And he was
grinning
at me!’
‘What, so you think he fancies you?’
‘
No.
It’s just … I mean, surely you’d say – Oh, help, I’ve just seen your mother with no clothes on? It’s just odd!’
‘I don’t know, Flora. I wouldn’t get too hung up on it if I were you. I doubt you’re the first older woman he’s seen in the buff. That boy’s given me the eye before.’
‘
Has
he?’ I was horrified. ‘ God, that’s
terrible
. You should have
said.
I must tell Amelia.’
‘Don’t be silly. He’s a flirt, that’s all. Nothing wrong with that.
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