ask.
“Toto, come here, cream puff. I said come here!” Mom screams. Poor Toto comes charging out of the dressing room, where he was sleeping on the cushion, and makes a beeline under the couch because he doesn’t see me. His hair is matted on the side like mine is when I first get up in the morning.
“Galleria, look at Toto! He gets so scared when I yell at him—he looks like a dancing mop!” Mom screeches.
“Come here, Toto. I want you to meet my friends,” I coo, trying to comb out Toto’s hair with my fingers. I like when his hair is perfect like cotton candy, but Mom likes the untamed look, so he only goes to the beauty parlor every two months. Toto is ignoring me and he starts walking on his little doggie booboo.
“Toto, that’s enough. Stop dragging your furry butt on the floor. I just got it waxed!” Mom yells, then starts pinning some burgundy velvet fabric on a dress form.
“These your friends from Kats and Kittys?” she asks.
“Yup.”
“Where are you two from?” Mom asks, looking at Aqua.
Turning to look at me, then back to my mom, Aqua asks, “You mean me?”
Chanel kicks me. I kick her back.
“Yes, you, darling. You see anyone else here I don’t know? You can call me Dorothea, by the way,” Mom says.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Ms. Dorothea,” Aqua says. “I didn’t know you were talking to us. Um, we’re from Houston.”
“Houston. They have the best shopping mall in the world.” Mom swoons. “And I should know. I’ve been to every shopping mall from here to Hong Kong. Did Galleria tell you I named her after the mall there?”
“The Galleria? Is that right?”
“That is right,” Mom says, all pleased with herself. I’ve heard this story a ca-zillion times. “I was in Houston modeling for a fashion shoot. I was so bored because I didn’t know anyone there—well, anyone I wanted to see—so I went shopping at the Galleria. That’s where I bought my first pair of Gucci shoes,” she goes on. “I was pregnant and I wanted to remember the moment forever. Most beautiful shoes I’ve ever had. Burgundy-sequined pumps with little bows in front.”
“Kinda like Dorothy’s ruby slippers?” Do’ Re Mi asks, perking up.
“
Exactly
.” I smirk. “Mom still has the shoes in a leopard keepsake box, along with my baby pictures and a personal ad that she answered before I was born.”
Now why did I say that? I have
such
a big mouth.
“Personal ad, what’s that?” Do’ Re Mi asks.
“It’s for meeting people,” Chuchie snips.
“You mean, like, for dating?” Angie asks.
“Yes. Like, for dating,” Chuchie says with her
boca grande
.
“‘Lonely oyster on a half shell seeks rare Black pearl to feel complete,” Mom explains with a giggle.
“Galleria’s mom answered the personal ad out of
New York Magazine
, and that’s how she met her dad. Get it?” Chuchie explains some more. I am gonna get her later.
Aqua and Angie look at each other like they have just met the Addams family, then “chedda waves” catches herself and goes to pet Toto. “Wait until he meets Porgy and Bess,” Angie coos, trying to pat his head, but he looks at her and yawns.
“Oh, how cute,” Chanel says. “What kind of dogs are they?”
“Oh, they’re not dogs,” Angie chimes in.
“They’re our guinea pigs from home. We couldn’t leave them behind,” Aqua explains, waiting to see my mom’s reaction. I move my feet from Chanel quickly because I know she is going to kick me, but Aqua notices. “What’s the matter?” Aqua asks me.
“Oh, nothing,” I lie. “I thought I saw a roach.”
“A roach!” My mom huffs. “There better not be any roaches in here or I’ll go to that exterminator’s office and exterminate him!”
“I was just joking, Mom,” I say, quickly realizing that I don’t want to endanger some poor man’s life and leave his wife a widow. Mom would do it. Trust me.
“There’s nothing wrong with guinea pigs for pets,” Mom says, coming to Aqua
“Toto, come here, cream puff. I said come here!” Mom screams. Poor Toto comes charging out of the dressing room, where he was sleeping on the cushion, and makes a beeline under the couch because he doesn’t see me. His hair is matted on the side like mine is when I first get up in the morning.
“Galleria, look at Toto! He gets so scared when I yell at him—he looks like a dancing mop!” Mom screeches.
“Come here, Toto. I want you to meet my friends,” I coo, trying to comb out Toto’s hair with my fingers. I like when his hair is perfect like cotton candy, but Mom likes the untamed look, so he only goes to the beauty parlor every two months. Toto is ignoring me and he starts walking on his little doggie booboo.
“Toto, that’s enough. Stop dragging your furry butt on the floor. I just got it waxed!” Mom yells, then starts pinning some burgundy velvet fabric on a dress form.
“These your friends from Kats and Kittys?” she asks.
“Yup.”
“Where are you two from?” Mom asks, looking at Aqua.
Turning to look at me, then back to my mom, Aqua asks, “You mean me?”
Chanel kicks me. I kick her back.
“Yes, you, darling. You see anyone else here I don’t know? You can call me Dorothea, by the way,” Mom says.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Ms. Dorothea,” Aqua says. “I didn’t know you were talking to us. Um, we’re from Houston.”
“Houston. They have the best shopping mall in the world.” Mom swoons. “And I should know. I’ve been to every shopping mall from here to Hong Kong. Did Galleria tell you I named her after the mall there?”
“The Galleria? Is that right?”
“That is right,” Mom says, all pleased with herself. I’ve heard this story a ca-zillion times. “I was in Houston modeling for a fashion shoot. I was so bored because I didn’t know anyone there—well, anyone I wanted to see—so I went shopping at the Galleria. That’s where I bought my first pair of Gucci shoes,” she goes on. “I was pregnant and I wanted to remember the moment forever. Most beautiful shoes I’ve ever had. Burgundy-sequined pumps with little bows in front.”
“Kinda like Dorothy’s ruby slippers?” Do’ Re Mi asks, perking up.
“
Exactly
.” I smirk. “Mom still has the shoes in a leopard keepsake box, along with my baby pictures and a personal ad that she answered before I was born.”
Now why did I say that? I have
such
a big mouth.
“Personal ad, what’s that?” Do’ Re Mi asks.
“It’s for meeting people,” Chuchie snips.
“You mean, like, for dating?” Angie asks.
“Yes. Like, for dating,” Chuchie says with her
boca grande
.
“‘Lonely oyster on a half shell seeks rare Black pearl to feel complete,” Mom explains with a giggle.
“Galleria’s mom answered the personal ad out of
New York Magazine
, and that’s how she met her dad. Get it?” Chuchie explains some more. I am gonna get her later.
Aqua and Angie look at each other like they have just met the Addams family, then “chedda waves” catches herself and goes to pet Toto. “Wait until he meets Porgy and Bess,” Angie coos, trying to pat his head, but he looks at her and yawns.
“Oh, how cute,” Chanel says. “What kind of dogs are they?”
“Oh, they’re not dogs,” Angie chimes in.
“They’re our guinea pigs from home. We couldn’t leave them behind,” Aqua explains, waiting to see my mom’s reaction. I move my feet from Chanel quickly because I know she is going to kick me, but Aqua notices. “What’s the matter?” Aqua asks me.
“Oh, nothing,” I lie. “I thought I saw a roach.”
“A roach!” My mom huffs. “There better not be any roaches in here or I’ll go to that exterminator’s office and exterminate him!”
“I was just joking, Mom,” I say, quickly realizing that I don’t want to endanger some poor man’s life and leave his wife a widow. Mom would do it. Trust me.
“There’s nothing wrong with guinea pigs for pets,” Mom says, coming to Aqua
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