around here, is there?”
“Well, there’s us now. Come on. Let’s plow.” She links her arm through mine, and, still smoking, we walk down the grassy hill toward the sea.
“You
are
joking.” It is not a question. Emily Applegate stares at me and then turns to Matt. “What is
she
doing here?”
“Jude?” Ed looks at me, the same shock on his face as on Emily’s. Because I’ve finally shown up after years of maybes? Or because of who I’m with?
They’re on the top ledge. Fifteen or so of them. Cans and bottles already open. Crisps and Mars bars and a spliff being passed around. Everyone dressed in jeans. My stomach flutters again. Like I’ve been told to come to a fancy dress party but the joke is on me. At least I took the shoes off.
Emily sneers. “It’s poor little Cinderella. All dressed up for the ball.”
Dawce laughs.
I open my mouth to speak, but it’s Stella’s voice I hear. “God, Emily. You’re so predictable.”
“At least I’m not mental.”
“Oh, give it a rest.” Stella lights up another cigarette.
Emily turns to Blair to back her up. But he isn’t looking at her anymore. He’s staring at Stella. The way men stare when they see someone like her. Stella smiles at him. The corners of his mouth crease. And he’s talking to Emily, but his eyes don’t move for a second from Stella’s face. “Yeah, Emily. Don’t be such a bitch.”
Everyone is silent for a few seconds, and all we can hear is the sound of the sea and music from someone’s iPod speakers. Then Emily snorts. “Give me that.” She grabs the spliff off Blair.
He smiles and looks at her finally. “That’s what I love about you.”
Then he kisses her, taking the smoke into his mouth and breathing it out again. Blow back.
“Jude? Want to sit down?”
I realize I’ve been staring at Blair and Emily. The way you stare at car crashes or sex on the telly — horrified but fascinated at the same time. I look away and smile at Ed, relieved that he is here. And that he hasn’t recognized Stella. Ed, my big brother. Or something like it.
I drop my bag on the ground and sit between him and Matt, who is busy skinning up.
Ed swirls his beer around in the can and looks at me sideways. “So, how come you
are
here, Jude?” he asks.
“Why, shouldn’t I be?” I’m embarrassed. Like the little kid who’s snuck downstairs to play with the grown-ups.
“No.” He shakes his head. “I don’t mean that. It’s just . . . you never did before.”
I shrug. “There’s a first time for everything.”
“It
is
good to see you.” He nudges me with his elbow.
I smile. Nudge him back. It’s OK. I can do this. I can fit in here. “Can I have one?” I say, nodding at the can.
He looks surprised again. And I am surprised, not sure where it came from. But he shrugs and pulls a can off a four-pack and hands it to me.
The beer is warm and metallic. I wish I’d brought lemonade for the vodka instead. Or could swallow it neat like Stella. But I take another mouthful of beer anyway. Dutch courage. That’s what Mum always said.
“Anyway, I came to see you.”
“Really?” Ed half smiles.
“Yeah. I . . . um . . . I’ve got some news.” I wait for Ed to ask the question. But he doesn’t, just looks at me, waiting.
“I’ve got an audition. For drama school. The Lab.”
“The Lab?” I can see Ed processing these two little words. “But that’s in London, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“Right. Well done, I guess . . .”
I sink into myself.
Well done, I guess
? Is that it?
Ed sees me shrink. “Sorry. That’s not what I . . . I mean, that’s brilliant, Jude. I mean . . . you’re brilliant. It’s just . . . It’s a long way. And your dad . . . He won’t let you, will he?”
“I’m sixteen, not six. I can do what I want.” But somehow I sound like a six-year-old. Stamping her feet and pouting.
“But even so.”
“Thanks for raining on my parade.”
“Sorry, Jude. I didn’t mean to . . .
“Well, there’s us now. Come on. Let’s plow.” She links her arm through mine, and, still smoking, we walk down the grassy hill toward the sea.
“You
are
joking.” It is not a question. Emily Applegate stares at me and then turns to Matt. “What is
she
doing here?”
“Jude?” Ed looks at me, the same shock on his face as on Emily’s. Because I’ve finally shown up after years of maybes? Or because of who I’m with?
They’re on the top ledge. Fifteen or so of them. Cans and bottles already open. Crisps and Mars bars and a spliff being passed around. Everyone dressed in jeans. My stomach flutters again. Like I’ve been told to come to a fancy dress party but the joke is on me. At least I took the shoes off.
Emily sneers. “It’s poor little Cinderella. All dressed up for the ball.”
Dawce laughs.
I open my mouth to speak, but it’s Stella’s voice I hear. “God, Emily. You’re so predictable.”
“At least I’m not mental.”
“Oh, give it a rest.” Stella lights up another cigarette.
Emily turns to Blair to back her up. But he isn’t looking at her anymore. He’s staring at Stella. The way men stare when they see someone like her. Stella smiles at him. The corners of his mouth crease. And he’s talking to Emily, but his eyes don’t move for a second from Stella’s face. “Yeah, Emily. Don’t be such a bitch.”
Everyone is silent for a few seconds, and all we can hear is the sound of the sea and music from someone’s iPod speakers. Then Emily snorts. “Give me that.” She grabs the spliff off Blair.
He smiles and looks at her finally. “That’s what I love about you.”
Then he kisses her, taking the smoke into his mouth and breathing it out again. Blow back.
“Jude? Want to sit down?”
I realize I’ve been staring at Blair and Emily. The way you stare at car crashes or sex on the telly — horrified but fascinated at the same time. I look away and smile at Ed, relieved that he is here. And that he hasn’t recognized Stella. Ed, my big brother. Or something like it.
I drop my bag on the ground and sit between him and Matt, who is busy skinning up.
Ed swirls his beer around in the can and looks at me sideways. “So, how come you
are
here, Jude?” he asks.
“Why, shouldn’t I be?” I’m embarrassed. Like the little kid who’s snuck downstairs to play with the grown-ups.
“No.” He shakes his head. “I don’t mean that. It’s just . . . you never did before.”
I shrug. “There’s a first time for everything.”
“It
is
good to see you.” He nudges me with his elbow.
I smile. Nudge him back. It’s OK. I can do this. I can fit in here. “Can I have one?” I say, nodding at the can.
He looks surprised again. And I am surprised, not sure where it came from. But he shrugs and pulls a can off a four-pack and hands it to me.
The beer is warm and metallic. I wish I’d brought lemonade for the vodka instead. Or could swallow it neat like Stella. But I take another mouthful of beer anyway. Dutch courage. That’s what Mum always said.
“Anyway, I came to see you.”
“Really?” Ed half smiles.
“Yeah. I . . . um . . . I’ve got some news.” I wait for Ed to ask the question. But he doesn’t, just looks at me, waiting.
“I’ve got an audition. For drama school. The Lab.”
“The Lab?” I can see Ed processing these two little words. “But that’s in London, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“Right. Well done, I guess . . .”
I sink into myself.
Well done, I guess
? Is that it?
Ed sees me shrink. “Sorry. That’s not what I . . . I mean, that’s brilliant, Jude. I mean . . . you’re brilliant. It’s just . . . It’s a long way. And your dad . . . He won’t let you, will he?”
“I’m sixteen, not six. I can do what I want.” But somehow I sound like a six-year-old. Stamping her feet and pouting.
“But even so.”
“Thanks for raining on my parade.”
“Sorry, Jude. I didn’t mean to . . .
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