Words Fail Me by Patricia T. O'Conner Page A

and wonder where you were and what day it was? That's the feeling readers have when they can't tell where or when something is happening.
    And when more than one thing is happening, the confusion multiplies. Take this sentence, please!
The director of technology announced that several employees were abusing their Internet privileges Tuesday at the staff meeting.
    Excuse me? Did the chief techie say this at the staff meeting? Or was that where the hanky-panky took place? And goodness, look at the time. What happened Tuesday? The cybercrime or the announcement?
    When we write, we often take such details as time and place for granted because they're obvious to us. They won't be obvious to the reader, though. This version clears things up:
At Tuesday's staff meeting, the director of technology announced that several employees were abusing their Internet privileges.
Simply by moving the time and the place, we leave no doubt about what happened on Tuesday, and where.
The Space–Time Conundrum
    Even when there's only one thing happening, a sentence can be confusing if the time or place is unclear. Readers won't know where is there and when is then. Here's an example of fuzzy timing that you might find in an investment newsletter:
Our technical analysts predicted the stock market correction last week.
    What happened last week, the prediction or the correction? Be clear. Make it:
Last week our technical analysts predicted the stock market correction.
Or:
Our technical analysts predicted last week's stock market correction.
    When a reader is lost in space, a simple sentence can be simply maddening. What's the poor reader to make of this one?
Buck lectured about the typhoon in Dublin.
    Was the typhoon in Dublin, or is that where Buck gave the lecture? The last I heard, Ireland wasn't in the tropics, so make it:
In Dublin, Buck lectured about the typhoon.
Or:
Buck lectured in Dublin about the typhoon.
The Misplaced Reader
    Words that help point us in the right direction (prepositions such as
on, about,
and
around
) sometimes give confusing signals. The reader might take an unnecessary detour or even a wrong turn. Notice how the preposition
on
can give a sentence two very different meanings:
Jon wrote a book
on
Mount Everest.
    Is Mount Everest the subject of the book? Or is that where Jon wrote it? You could clear up the confusion by using a clearer signal:
Jon wrote a book
about
Mount Everest.
Or if Jon likes to write in thin air, you could move the mountain: On
Mount Everest, Jon wrote a book.
    Here are two more examples of how crossed signals can send readers in the wrong direction:
    The mouse ran
around
the clock.
If the mouse ran nonstop, say so. If the mouse circled the clock, write it that way.
    There were rumors
about
the dormitory.
Was the dorm the subject of the rumors? Or were the rumors spreading through the dorm? Say it one way or the other.
Infinitive Wisdom
    Time and place sometimes go astray when a sentence has two or more verbs and one of them is an infinitive (a verb that's usually preceded by to). This example could be read in two ways:
Alec asked Kim to marry him
in
the Jacuzzi.
    Did Alec propose in the Jacuzzi, or is that where he wants to get married? (Stranger things have happened.) Unless he wants a wedding in a whirlpool, make it: In
the Jacuzzi, Alec asked Kim to marry him.
Better yet:
Alec proposed to Kim
in
the Jacuzzi.
    This sentence could also be read in two ways:
Aunt Agatha threatened to disinherit Bertie
when
she caught him gambling.
    Did she threaten Bertie
when
she caught him? Or
if
she caught him? Make it: When
Aunt Agatha caught Bertie gambling, she threatened to disinherit him.
Or:
Aunt Agatha threatened to disinherit Bertie
if
she caught him gambling.
Every Now and Then
    Some of the words we use to tell us when and where—
here, there, now, then, this,
and
that
—can leave readers scratching their heads. If these words are used carelessly, readers can't tell where is here and