why you haven’t asked me what happened to your cousin. Perhaps you already know?”
“How could I? You’ve only this minute come galloping in here like that Ghent to Aix fellow—oh dear, he was carrying good news, wasn’t he? Now I shall be accused of another breach of taste. How ghastly! Very well, then, what happened to my cousin?”
Shandy told him, not sparing the details, and he said, “How ghastly!” again. “There, you see how right I was about Spurge’s incompetence? It appears to me, Professor Shandy, that I have ample grounds to sue the Horsefalls for negligence.”
“It appears to me that you have a fat chance of winning, Mr. Lumpkin. Furthermore the Horsefalls couldn’t afford to pay damages if you did by some wild chance succeed in winning your case.”
“Why couldn’t they? There’s the property,” Lumpkin replied a shade too quickly.
“Indeed there is. I see you’ve already been giving it some thought. How embarrassed will you be if the incident that resulted in your cousin’s death proves to have been perpetrated by some person or persons or your personal acquaintance desiring to get hold of that property?”
“Why should I be embarrassed at all? It’s entirely possible I do know the perpetrators, as you so learnedly refer to them, him, her, or it. One does know everybody in a place like this. And naturally I’ve heard about all the goings-on at the Horsefalls’, with Henny cavorting around with a shotgun full of rock salt and Miss Hilda stirring her cauldron and thinking up juicy new anathemas. I adore local gossip. Far more fun than watching the soaps, and there’s not the bother of being interrupted by somebody wanting to pick up a nice bargain in Spode just as Linda is about to confess to Michael that she’s having an affair with Claude, though I expect it would be Claudia these days.
“But to be appallingly frank with you, Professor, I don’t quite get the drift of this entire conversation. You wouldn’t by any chance be threatening me, would you? Because if you were I might be able to sue you as well as the Horsefalls, and perhaps the lawyer would give me a wholesale rate.”
Canute smiled ever so sweetly to show he was only joking, thus making it quite clear he’d strike like a cobra if he ever saw an opening. Shandy wondered how many people Nute had already dragged into court on one pretext or another, and how much he’d got out of his lawsuits.
“What a pity you don’t have a case, Mr. Lumpkin,” he replied with the mildness he usually reserved for his more dangerous moments in the classroom. “I shouldn’t dream of threatening you. And with Miss Horsefall’s hundred and fifth birthday celebration coming up so soon, I don’t suppose your slapping her with a lawsuit would be good public relations, would it? In any event you won’t want to be bothered now that you’re coming into the Lumpkin estate.”
“When I see a chance of picking up some extra money I always want to be bothered, Professor. Appalling of me I know, but there it is. Mercenary to the core. Are you quite, quite sure you wouldn’t care to surprise your lovely wife with my adorable Bow tea set? One might offer a reasonable discount to so distinguished a customer. For the public relations value, you know.”
Shandy thought he’d better get out of there before Canute Lumpkin acquired visible grounds to sue him for assault and battery. “I shan’t take advantage of your good nature, Mr. Lumpkin. Permit me again to offer you my condolences. Or congratulations, as the case may be.”
“I do so appreciate your thoughtfulness, Professor Shandy. Allow me.” With a self-satisfied smirk, Canute Lumpkin held open the shop door. “Oh, about those flowers. Do you think a simple bouquet of field flowers would be more appropriate? Daisies and buttercups, perhaps?”
“How about pigweed?”
Shandy got back into his car and headed for the Horsefalls’. He’d come out an extremely poor second
“How could I? You’ve only this minute come galloping in here like that Ghent to Aix fellow—oh dear, he was carrying good news, wasn’t he? Now I shall be accused of another breach of taste. How ghastly! Very well, then, what happened to my cousin?”
Shandy told him, not sparing the details, and he said, “How ghastly!” again. “There, you see how right I was about Spurge’s incompetence? It appears to me, Professor Shandy, that I have ample grounds to sue the Horsefalls for negligence.”
“It appears to me that you have a fat chance of winning, Mr. Lumpkin. Furthermore the Horsefalls couldn’t afford to pay damages if you did by some wild chance succeed in winning your case.”
“Why couldn’t they? There’s the property,” Lumpkin replied a shade too quickly.
“Indeed there is. I see you’ve already been giving it some thought. How embarrassed will you be if the incident that resulted in your cousin’s death proves to have been perpetrated by some person or persons or your personal acquaintance desiring to get hold of that property?”
“Why should I be embarrassed at all? It’s entirely possible I do know the perpetrators, as you so learnedly refer to them, him, her, or it. One does know everybody in a place like this. And naturally I’ve heard about all the goings-on at the Horsefalls’, with Henny cavorting around with a shotgun full of rock salt and Miss Hilda stirring her cauldron and thinking up juicy new anathemas. I adore local gossip. Far more fun than watching the soaps, and there’s not the bother of being interrupted by somebody wanting to pick up a nice bargain in Spode just as Linda is about to confess to Michael that she’s having an affair with Claude, though I expect it would be Claudia these days.
“But to be appallingly frank with you, Professor, I don’t quite get the drift of this entire conversation. You wouldn’t by any chance be threatening me, would you? Because if you were I might be able to sue you as well as the Horsefalls, and perhaps the lawyer would give me a wholesale rate.”
Canute smiled ever so sweetly to show he was only joking, thus making it quite clear he’d strike like a cobra if he ever saw an opening. Shandy wondered how many people Nute had already dragged into court on one pretext or another, and how much he’d got out of his lawsuits.
“What a pity you don’t have a case, Mr. Lumpkin,” he replied with the mildness he usually reserved for his more dangerous moments in the classroom. “I shouldn’t dream of threatening you. And with Miss Horsefall’s hundred and fifth birthday celebration coming up so soon, I don’t suppose your slapping her with a lawsuit would be good public relations, would it? In any event you won’t want to be bothered now that you’re coming into the Lumpkin estate.”
“When I see a chance of picking up some extra money I always want to be bothered, Professor. Appalling of me I know, but there it is. Mercenary to the core. Are you quite, quite sure you wouldn’t care to surprise your lovely wife with my adorable Bow tea set? One might offer a reasonable discount to so distinguished a customer. For the public relations value, you know.”
Shandy thought he’d better get out of there before Canute Lumpkin acquired visible grounds to sue him for assault and battery. “I shan’t take advantage of your good nature, Mr. Lumpkin. Permit me again to offer you my condolences. Or congratulations, as the case may be.”
“I do so appreciate your thoughtfulness, Professor Shandy. Allow me.” With a self-satisfied smirk, Canute Lumpkin held open the shop door. “Oh, about those flowers. Do you think a simple bouquet of field flowers would be more appropriate? Daisies and buttercups, perhaps?”
“How about pigweed?”
Shandy got back into his car and headed for the Horsefalls’. He’d come out an extremely poor second
Similar Books
