Wrapped In Shadows by Lisa Eugene Page B

tied in knots from shock. My heart stuttered then started again. It was only the absolute quiet in the room and the realization that my employees were all staring inquisitively that wound me into motion. I ushered Josh into my office and closed the door firmly behind me. I’d been dreading this, but had no choice now but to face him. He stood absolutely still and when I looked at his face, my heart squeezed tight. Josh was a mess. His usually tidy hair was scattered about his head and his eyes were red and puffy. The thick shadow obscuring his jaw proved he hadn’t shaved in days. I’d never seen him look so disheveled.
    “Kay, please talk to me,” he whispered hoarsely.
    I swallowed, shaking my head. “Josh, there really isn’t much to say, except I can’t marry you.”
    Josh’s face screwed up as if he were in pain. “Please don’t say that, Kay. I love you.”
    I felt anger stiffen my spine. “How can you love me and be fucking Carol?”
    “Nothing happened! I didn’t sleep with her. You’re mistaken.”
    I folded my arms across my chest. “I know what I saw.”
    “What did you see, Kay? Think about it. You saw us sitting on the sofa. We weren’t even touching! We were talking!”
    “She was wearing your shirt!” I felt a spit of renewed anger.
    “Yes. She was. She spilled wine on her dress like I told you. It was soaked. I was washing it for her. I was just trying to be Mr. Nice Guy and help her out. She just showed up at my apartment. I hadn’t seen her in almost a year. There’s nothing between us, Kay. You have to believe me. Don’t throw our relationship away over a misunderstanding.”
    I listened to Josh’s pleading voice, my mind busy replaying the events at his apartment. I was supposed to be at a foundation event that night, but it had been canceled. I’d decided to surprise Josh and had gone to his apartment. He and Carol had been on the couch. Talking. Laughing. Sharing a glass of red wine. I hadn’t actually seen them doing anything, but I’d been angry…and hurt…and I’d assumed… Had I jumped to conclusions? Was I throwing away our relationship because of a misunderstanding? Oh, I was so confused! I didn’t want to think about this now.
    Sensing my ambivalence, Josh took a step toward me, tears pooling in his blue eyes. “I love you. I’m miserable without you. The only thing I’m guilty of is letting Carol in and talking to her. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. Please, baby… Don’t give up on us.”
    My breath shimmied from my lungs. I didn’t know what to think. I was bombarded with emotions and thoughts, all conflicting inside me and pushing every which way. Josh wrapped his arms around me and I broke away, realizing I too was crying.
    “Don’t…”
    “Please, Kay. We’ve been through so much together. I’ve been through so much. I can’t lose you, too.”
    I sniffled, taking a few steps away from him. I needed to maintain an emotionally safe distance. Josh was very good at swaying me. He’d lost his mother last year from breast cancer. They had been very close and the loss had devastated him. He and his father had a volatile relationship, so I’d been his primary support. I stared at Josh, trying to read him. His broad shoulders were slumped, shaving an inch off his six-foot frame. His dark blue eyes seemed even darker, rimmed red with misery. I tried to upright my thoughts, to fortify them with logic and reason, but I saw this man before me hurting and my resolve started to topple like dominoes. I’d loved him for three years—still loved him. The heart did not simply stop working because it was broken. Josh took another step toward me and the terror I felt in his apartment came rushing back. I instinctively retreated.
    “You were out of control, Josh.”
    His brows furrowed, confused.
    “When you grabbed me. I was afraid,” I clarified slowly.
    He was standing right in front of me now. His hands combed through his hair, mussing it further. “ Shit!