the line, and after giving me a thorough examination, she sticks her hand in the air.
Coach stops her pacing and ends up right in front of Bridget, her head on a tilt. “You’re willing to try out again?”
Bridget nods. “I’ve got this.”
“And what about the runner you go up against?”
That gets a slight sweat out of Bridget. Her eyes flick down the line again at the rest of the team, then return to Coach. “If… if it’ll make the team stronger, then I guess it’d be okay to lose a few of the… stragglers.”
Coach pauses, contemplating Bridget’s answer. After a long, silent moment, she nods. “Excellent point.” She starts pacing again, addressing the entire team now. “As of right now, your spot on the team is no longer permanent.”
I can feel the collective stomach crumpling and bated breath as the entire team processes. My heart’s pounding a mile a minute, and I eye each and every girl, wondering which one of them will take me out—which one will take my spot away from me.
“You serious?” Drake asks, his eyebrow sky high. “You’ve got some of the best runners in the state on this team.”
Coach scratches her neck with her mechanical pencil. “I do.”
“You gonna risk getting rid of us?” Jamal asks. “No matter how this goes, not all of us are staying.”
Coach takes a second to answer. I put a hand over my heart to try to calm it down, but it’s no use. Coach walks back over to Bridget, who, by the look on her face, is regretting her previous answer.
“Mind going first?”
Bridget straightens her shoulders. “Against who?”
The corner of Coach’s mouth tilts up. “Against yourself.”
This entire practice is full of confusion, and I don’t think my brain can take it. I clear my throat and ask, “Coach? Are you saying we need to beat our own times?”
A flicker of surprise runs over her expression. “Yes, Silverman, that’s exactly what I’d like you to do.” She brings up her clipboard. “If you beat your original tryout time, welcome to the team. If not, you have until the end of this week.”
Ah crap—this does not help my already pounding anxiety. My original tryout time was amazing . In fact, it’s better than everyone else’s on the team, including some of the boys.
I pull at my doubled-up bras and chew on the inside of my bottom lip. Even Drake looks nervous, frowning at the track, probably wishing he didn’t show off so much over the past few practices.
Bridget, however, looks incredibly at ease. She marches right past Coach to the start line. “Ready when you are, Coach .” She emphasizes the word like Coach Fox hasn’t yet earned it.
Coach’s bright round eyes meet mine. “Let’s do two or three at a time, okay? Speed this up. Silverman and Harper, go ahead and take spots two and three.”
Hadley and I step up to our lines next to Bridget. Sweat is already forming along my brow in a panic—sure, I know I’m not going to be the fastest anything on the team, at least not yet. But I didn’t expect to not be on it at all. The reality that I may actually lose the chance at State again catches up to me in one big wave. So much so that I don’t even hear Coach say “Go!” and I take off two, three seconds behind Hadley and Bridget.
I don’t catch up to them. My legs are lead, and my head is full, and my chest is pulling me into the pavement. I can’t think, not even about running or the road, and I can’t go to that place that I love. All that I know is that my whole life feels like someone else’s, and it’s all this stupid body’s fault.
Bridget crosses the line, Hadley shortly after. I take too long to get there, already knowing I failed because my times were far better than theirs. I’m thinking that outrunning myself isn’t going to be any easier than outrunning any one of them.
I finally run past Coach, and my knees lock, and I immediately fall to the track.
“You okay, Silverman?” she asks, her eyes softening, and
Coach stops her pacing and ends up right in front of Bridget, her head on a tilt. “You’re willing to try out again?”
Bridget nods. “I’ve got this.”
“And what about the runner you go up against?”
That gets a slight sweat out of Bridget. Her eyes flick down the line again at the rest of the team, then return to Coach. “If… if it’ll make the team stronger, then I guess it’d be okay to lose a few of the… stragglers.”
Coach pauses, contemplating Bridget’s answer. After a long, silent moment, she nods. “Excellent point.” She starts pacing again, addressing the entire team now. “As of right now, your spot on the team is no longer permanent.”
I can feel the collective stomach crumpling and bated breath as the entire team processes. My heart’s pounding a mile a minute, and I eye each and every girl, wondering which one of them will take me out—which one will take my spot away from me.
“You serious?” Drake asks, his eyebrow sky high. “You’ve got some of the best runners in the state on this team.”
Coach scratches her neck with her mechanical pencil. “I do.”
“You gonna risk getting rid of us?” Jamal asks. “No matter how this goes, not all of us are staying.”
Coach takes a second to answer. I put a hand over my heart to try to calm it down, but it’s no use. Coach walks back over to Bridget, who, by the look on her face, is regretting her previous answer.
“Mind going first?”
Bridget straightens her shoulders. “Against who?”
The corner of Coach’s mouth tilts up. “Against yourself.”
This entire practice is full of confusion, and I don’t think my brain can take it. I clear my throat and ask, “Coach? Are you saying we need to beat our own times?”
A flicker of surprise runs over her expression. “Yes, Silverman, that’s exactly what I’d like you to do.” She brings up her clipboard. “If you beat your original tryout time, welcome to the team. If not, you have until the end of this week.”
Ah crap—this does not help my already pounding anxiety. My original tryout time was amazing . In fact, it’s better than everyone else’s on the team, including some of the boys.
I pull at my doubled-up bras and chew on the inside of my bottom lip. Even Drake looks nervous, frowning at the track, probably wishing he didn’t show off so much over the past few practices.
Bridget, however, looks incredibly at ease. She marches right past Coach to the start line. “Ready when you are, Coach .” She emphasizes the word like Coach Fox hasn’t yet earned it.
Coach’s bright round eyes meet mine. “Let’s do two or three at a time, okay? Speed this up. Silverman and Harper, go ahead and take spots two and three.”
Hadley and I step up to our lines next to Bridget. Sweat is already forming along my brow in a panic—sure, I know I’m not going to be the fastest anything on the team, at least not yet. But I didn’t expect to not be on it at all. The reality that I may actually lose the chance at State again catches up to me in one big wave. So much so that I don’t even hear Coach say “Go!” and I take off two, three seconds behind Hadley and Bridget.
I don’t catch up to them. My legs are lead, and my head is full, and my chest is pulling me into the pavement. I can’t think, not even about running or the road, and I can’t go to that place that I love. All that I know is that my whole life feels like someone else’s, and it’s all this stupid body’s fault.
Bridget crosses the line, Hadley shortly after. I take too long to get there, already knowing I failed because my times were far better than theirs. I’m thinking that outrunning myself isn’t going to be any easier than outrunning any one of them.
I finally run past Coach, and my knees lock, and I immediately fall to the track.
“You okay, Silverman?” she asks, her eyes softening, and
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