A Little Bit of Everything Lost by Stephanie Elliot

that’s practically written itself; post-partum depression over a… what? A baby I didn’t even get to love? That’s a joke! A three-day week marriage where we inevitably argue about finances or the boys, where we side-step our grief and instead go out with friends or to dinner or to soccer games and pretend it’s working for us.
    You know, Stuart hasn’t exactly been very emotionally supportive.”
    “I know… I know these past five months have been excruciating for you. And you know I love you, but please, please don’t take this the wrong way, but with Stuart gone so much, and Trey and Jeremy so active, they’re so busy with soccer, and school, and, and… ”
    “Don’t you dare tell me that was a god-damned blessing.”
    “I would never.”
    “I know,” Marnie whimpered, then looked at Collette with tears in her eyes. “But I can’t keep moving like this. Like… I’m in mud. Like there’s fog everywhere. I have to stop it from the beginning. Can’t you understand I need to talk to him? And to fix myself. I’m a mess. I have been. Forever. Since he first came into my life. You of all people should know, more than anyone else. You were there.”
    Collette nodded, “I do know.”
    “I have to let him know what happened. God, Collette, he doesn’t even know . It’s not like I’m still in love with the guy. It was a fling. One summer. One Christmas break. With a heartbreaking end, a horrible ending for me. I really think something happened with him, and there’s more to it.” Marnie said.
    “If he’s coming into town later this month, this might be my only chance to get the closure I need. And he d eserves to know what happened.”
    Marnie sighed. “And you k now what? Whatever happened on his end, well, I deserve to know why. I deserve to know what happened too.”
 
    **
     
    The words wouldn’t come.
    Finally, after chewing on the pen, refilling her coffee mug three times, folding a load of laundry, going through the mail and eating a stale bagel, she sat and wrote.
     
    Dear Joe,
    I’m sure you never expected to hear from me after all these years, and I’m not even certain you will receive this letter as I’ve addressed it to the only place I remembered. So, if you don’t receive this personally, I hope whoever does can send it your way.
    Do you remember our summer together? I do. I remember it all, and think fondly back to our time together, and wanted to let you know I was glad to have made that connection with you, for although it was short, it was also an important and memorable time in my life.
    I was learning who I was, what I wanted, who I longed to be.
    Because of you, I am the person I am today.
    If you would like to catch up, I’ve included my email.
    With fond memories and wishes for a happy holiday season.
    Marnie Kretts-Werner
    [email protected]
     
    Marnie looked at the clock. Two hours had passed since she first sat down to compose the letter. She quickly sealed it, stamped it, handwrote his parent’s address on the envelope and attached a return address label. She was fairly certain that he no longer lived in the same state, but took the card to the mailbox before she could change her mind about sending it.
    She heard the rumble of the school bus coming up the street.
     
    Smile, Marnie, smile. It’s time to play Mom.

     
     
     
    Chapter Seventeen
August 1988
     
     
    Marnie squeezed Joe’ s hand, her fingernails pinching into his skin as they reached the doorstep to the colonial house.
    “What’s the matter?” he asked, squeezing the tips of her fingers back.
    “I’m a little freaked out about meeting your friends.”
    “Don’t be; they’ll love you.”
    Of course, when the L word slipped from his lips, her heart stopped hoping he’d continue with, “They’ll love you, just like I do.”
    Instead, Joe swept her bangs from her eyes, kissed her forehead, and let himself in the front door, still holding tightly to her hand.
    In a few weeks summer