Coffin Island by Will Berkeley

finished. I was going
to collect all the weapons as soon as this interview was concluded.
I was planning on turning Coffin Island into a shooting gallery for
the pupils with the faculty as the targets. That was just for
starters. You want to upend everything on Coffin Island? Let’s do
it.
    “How did you find the faculty lounge?”
Professor Coffin demanded.
    “Where is Professor Coffin?” I
shrugged.
    “Booster can teleport himself anywhere
on Coffin Island,” Madison said.
    “He’s Headmaster,” Professor Coffin
gasped. “That confirms it.”
    “I’m paying a visit to Flint Rock and
Gun Rock after this chat is concluded,” I said. “What do you think
of that?”
    “Why can’t I teleport myself around?”
Professor Coffin demanded. “I need to get away from threatening
pupils like you.”
    “You would abuse the power,” Madison
said. “Torment the innocent with your teleport.”
    “How would you describe what you are
doing?” Professor Coffin demanded. “You’ve threatened to steal all
our weapons. And use them against us. I’m starting to wonder if I
was even Headmaster.”
    “We’re faculty now,” Madison
said.
    “ We took over the school,” I
said.
    “ We’re supposed to get even
now,” Madison said.
    “ I only refused to feed and
teach you,” Professor Coffin said. “And a few other things like
house you. You can’t be upset about that.”
    “ You made the bathtub
coeducational,” Madison snorted.
    “ It seemed like a good idea
at the time,” Professor Coffin shrugged.
    “We’re going to punish you hideously,”
I said.
    “If that’s all you’re going to do,”
Professor Coffin said with relief. “A commencement ceremony is in
order? Shall we graduate all the pupils from The Coffin Island
School for Witches? Perhaps it’s time for everyone to head off to
the next school on the emerald ocean. What do you say?”
    “I think it might be nice to have the
faculty dig their own hole for commencement,” Madison
said.
    “I’m not digging,” Professor Coffin
said. “I refuse to work towards my own graduation. Let education
chase after me. Education isn’t worth working towards. Let it hound
me like the devil himself.”
    “Don’t worry about that,” I
said.
    “We plan on hounding you,” Madison
said.
    “The devil has plenty to do,” Professor
Coffin agreed. “I’m glad that you aren’t going to overwork that
horned beast.”
    “We’ll dog you to death,” I
said.
    “We got it covered,” Madison
said.
    “Well,” Professor Coffin shrugged.
“It’s better than digging. Being dogged to death by my former
pupils? It sounds delightful. I’ve always wanted a few pups nipping
at my cuffs.”
    “You’ll have a different attitude once
you’re caught,” Madison said. “We’ll rip you to shreds.”
    “You can take that to the grave with
you,” I said. “I guarantee it.”
    “We’re going to burn your coffin,”
Madison said.
    “You don’t have to be nasty about
executing me for my crimes against the pupils of The Coffin School
for Witchcraft,” Professor Coffin said. “Not only do I admit my
guilt. I accept that I deserve a gruesome execution. I’m the one
that constructed the noose after all. You children must build the
gallows. String me up like a proper pirate. Get a pail of tar and
some feathers. That’s all.”
    “Can you believe this?” Madison
asked.
    “He taunts us to execute him,” I
said.
    “We’re going to take the bait,” Madison
said.
    “That’s for sure,” I said.
    “Just not yet, pupils,” Professor
Coffin counseled. “You wouldn’t want to get stuck here forever. And
there is much wisdom for you to learn from the Grand Master of
Witchcraft, Professor Coffin.”
    “What if we leave your corpse out of
the sun?” I asked.
    “ No coffin for you, pal,”
Madison said. “We crucify you to the ground in some
desert.”
    “ The wind will just blow
away your remains,” I said.
    “ Sayonara Professor Coffin,”
Madison