Dear Adam by Ava Zavora

the most
near a calm group that seemed to be composed of strangers come
together, some couples nuzzling each other, bathed rosy from the
glow of the fire, some hippies smoking weed. A long-haired man
softly strummed his guitar. He nodded at her and smiled, welcoming
her into their circle.
    She sat at the edge for awhile, staring into
the fire and listening to his music. She wrapped herself up in a
thick shawl she had packed in her purse. She watched the young
lovers kissing, colors playing on their faces from the flames. Her
thoughts drifted to Adam.
    She took out her iPod and plugged in her
earbuds with the microphone. She turned her back on the bonfire and
faced the darkening ocean. She didn't want to think too much about
how this would be the first time Adam would be hearing her voice.
She focused on speaking clearly and not too fast, then began
recording a memo.
    "Hello," she began hesitantly. "If this
sounds staticky or noisy, it's because I'm at Ocean Beach and it's
windy. There are waves crashing against the shore. There are a lot
of people making a lot of noise." She sniffed. "And my nose is
running."
    "Um. I apologize if I seemed cold this
afternoon. I was just ... thinking. It's funny how the way I am in
real life comes across in the way I write. If we were face-to-face,
I, I'd probably do the same thing, which is withdraw. So I can … so
I can think. I'm not good at pretending to be otherwise. You could
see everything on my face. Even if I say nothing."
    "Alright. So you want commentary on what
you've written. From what you've told me, you've had an unhappy
childhood. You no longer speak to your parents. And I wonder about
that. But I won't ask you because it's probably painful. And if you
want share with me, you will. But it makes me sad."
    "I think I'm taking you too seriously and I'm
mad at myself. I have a bad habit of taking things too
seriously."
    Eden paused, not knowing what else to say.
She glanced at the time.
    "Oh, this is already over two minutes," she
said in a rush, "I should wrap it up. I don't mean to have so many
lengthy pauses. I, I should have written something down and recited
it. But." She took a deep breath.
    "I like getting e-mails from you. Even if ...
even if it's fiction. Really. I was so happy this morning. And
yesterday. Good night."
    Eden played the memo only once, cringing the
whole time. Some of it had been drowned out by the background
noise, she was silent for long stretches of time, and she sounded
awkward, vulnerable. She hoped that it conveyed, somehow, that
toying with her feelings would be hurtful. She resisted the urge to
re-record something more polished and confident.
    This was her real self, and the man who will
hear it could draw his own conclusions.

 
    Chapter 5
     
    Subject: Sunday Shenanigans
    ------------------------
    From: Adam -

    Date: Sun, Aug 5, at 5:42 AM
    To: Eden E
     
    Good morning little lady.
     
    Eden had been awake when Adam's e-mail first
arrived. She went back and forth on whether or not to send the
voice memo she had recorded the night before.
    "Gah!" she said to no one in particular and
hit send. Then waited.
     
    ------------------------
    From: Eden E

    Date: Sun, Aug 5, at 8:08 AM
    To: Adam -

    Attach: Hello.vm
     
    Good morning, Adam
     
    I just wanted you to know that I have fat
calves and thick thighs.
    Wouldn't want to mislead you.
     
    Eden
     
    ------------------------
    From: Adam -

    Date: Sun, Aug 5, at 8:14 AM
    To: Eden E
     
    Thank you for the reply by voice.
     
    "I think I'm taking you too seriously ... "
The next two sentences were inaudible. What did you say?
     
    I will reciprocate later today.
     
    You can ask about my parents, if you
wish.
     
    I appreciate the explanation, your being
pensive made you appear cold.
     
    That has tickled me. I have
a penchant for thick thighs. Genuinely. I've always