Keeping Pace by Dee Carney

time. I wanted to be able to say that the difference in our ages didn’t bother me as well, but I’d be lying.
    He’d exhausted me to the point I wanted to scream for sleep, but at the same time, I realized how I missed having someone to talk to. “Talk to me, Josh.”
    “What else do you want to know?”
    I shrugged. “I don’t know. Why physics, for example.” His previous reluctance to discuss his future career intrigued me.
    He sighed. “When people think you’re smart, your career path is kind of set up for you.” I nodded but said nothing. “I took all of these advanced math and science courses during undergrad, and I got good grades. But when I took my first physics course, it was like asking me to breathe. It completely clicked for me.”
    “That’s pretty cool.”
    “If it’s what you want to spend the rest of your life doing, it would be.”
    He sounded so bitter I didn’t know how to respond at first. “What would you rather do?” I asked quietly.
    “I don’t have a fucking clue.” His jaw tightened. “Sorry. I didn’t know what to do with the rest of my life back then, so I started collecting degrees. The next thing you know, I’m a single paper away from having a doctorate.”
    “And you still don’t know what you want to do now?”
    “I’ve had foundations and businesses courting me since I left undergrad. Haven’t settled on one yet.”
    “But what is it you want?”
    “I’m just drifting from day to day…”
    Until now, I’d thought of Josh as so sure of himself. Look at the tenacity with which he’d come after me. Why it surprised me that beneath his mature exterior huddled a man very much his age, I’ll never know.
    I thought briefly of offering some platitude, but as quickly dismissed it. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his chest, tightening them in a fierce hug. I remembered what it was like to be in his position and didn’t envy him at all. He returned the hug, holding me like that for the longest time during which we didn’t speak. Eventually I heard the rhythm of his breathing change, and before long, I followed him into sleep.
    The following morning I managed to slip out of bed without awakening him. A pink satin robe hung on the bedpost, and I shrugged into it. Despite my yearning for a shower, I needed coffee even more. As I turned to leave the room and get the requisite pot of coffee brewing, something made me look back.
    Josh looked peaceful this morning, the tormented young man from the night before gone. His thick, dark lashes rested against his cheeks. Stubble had grown along his jaw and neck. A light dusting of hair covered his chest, turning into a vee that ventured in a line below his belly button. The sheet hindered my view of the delights farther down, but I’d witnessed his prowess firsthand already. With a smile, I managed to leave, figuring I’d be treated to even more as time went on.
    When I entered the kitchen, my heart threatened to stop beating. The simple romanticism of Josh’s gesture made me melt inside.
    I stepped closer to the table, in awe of my lover who’d left two long-stemmed pink roses in wait some time during the night. They were wrapped in the familiar white tissue paper, the buds still closed tightly. Once they bloomed, they would be beautiful. With gentle care, I unwrapped them and stood them next to the two already in a vase.
    I’d just taken my first sip of coffee when he entered the kitchen, his blue jeans hanging low on cut hips, his chest bare. One of the sexiest parts of a male body has to be where the abdomen meets pelvis, the lines of muscle there proclaiming his physical fitness. His hair had been finger-combed, the shadow of his jaw making him seem older.
    “Good morning,” I said breathlessly. Already my body responded to his presence with pulses of need.
    Josh didn’t speak, instead brushing past me to pour himself a cup of coffee. I furrowed my brow as I watched him down the almost scalding liquid in a few