Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert J. Rubel

female slave
    0 Female Master, male slave
    • Yes, I know it's not this simple - but you get the idea
    People vary in the degree to which they can access and rely
upon their own emotions. Some people tend mostly to think
about their relationships with others; other people tend more
easily to feel their relationships with others. When stress enters
the M/s relationship, these differences can become exaggerated.
There are many great books out there that explore this area, and
I would encourage you to do this. Some suggested readings
are:
    • Gray, John. Mars. from Women Are from Are Men
Venus: Understanding to the Guide Classic The
Opposite Sex. New York, NY: HarperCollins, 1992.
    • Chapman, Gary D. The Languages: Love How to Five
Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Northfield
Publishing; Reissue edition, 1995.
    Side note: I suspect that there are gender-linked differences that
concern one's access to one's emotions, and also to the emotional reactions, themselves. This particularly comes into play
when Master starts talking about multiple slaves or polyamory.
Translation: I think that a discussion about multiple sex partners
is going to be received differently by slaves of different genders.
But, I could be wrong.

    On the Role of Love in the M/s Relationship
    There is quite an active controversy within the M/s movement
about the role of love. On the one hand, some Masters take
the position that love contaminates the M/s dynamic because
Master can never be sure whether or not the slave is complying
with a request/Instruction out of love, or out of obedience. Since
obedience is the core of the M/s dynamic, Master would lose the
capacity to monitor the slave's core reactions.
    On the other hand, many Masters feel that if they're going to
put all the time and effort into training a slave with whom they
will spend lots of time, they want to be submerged in a loving
relationship with that person. But, a loving relationship is not
necessarily a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, and the Master
may want to carefully consider whether to suppress the tendency
for slaves to think of their Master as their "girlfriend" or "boyfriend." "Girlfriend/boyfriend" relationships belong to the Vanilla
World - the not-kinky world - along with relationships with other
family members, especially children. These relationships should
be kept separate, as they do not involve the authority or power
exchanges inherent in D/s and M/s relationships.
    Also, there can be substantial differences between "the Master's
love" and "the slave's love." The Master is more likely to love
the slave - rather than be "in love" with the slave. However, the
slave will probably fall "in love" with Master. This situation, where
the Master "loves" the slave and the slave is "in love" with the
Master, can lead to some potential misunderstandings and stress
unless discussed openly and with truthfulness. It may be useful
to discuss different forms of love with a prospective slave, lest
they confuse your relationship.
    Are You Sure You're a Good Master?
    Most people are pretty sure that they're Okay. Most people think
that most others are also pretty much Okay. But, some people
think that certain people are not Okay. The thing of it is, the per son who you think is not so Okay probably thinks he's just fine.
So, let me explore this a little.

    Our Community - and here I'm combining the Leather and
the Not-Leather BDSM Communities - contains mostly bright,
dynamic and interesting people. It also contains some really
average people. And, too, it contains some icky people. As I just
mentioned, they probably won't think of themselves as presenting problems within the Community, but others do. To describe
these folks, Jay Wiseman coined the phrase: Poor Quality
Dominants (PQDs). I have also heard this topic discussed at
Leather Leadership conferences. Consider your reactions to
some of these characteristics:
    Disclaimer #1: