Matters of the Heart by Rosemary Smith

the sand on a foreign shore or seeing the moon glimmer on the Serpentine. It is but a dream.’
    I looked at Robert who was watching me attentively.
    ‘How did I know you would be different from most young ladies of your position? The majority would aspire to find a husband and raise a family.’
    He watched my face as he spoke. How I wished to kiss his strong mouth.
    ‘Dreams can come true, Janie. Would you wish to share this world adventure with someone?’
    The question came quite unexpectedly and I wished with all my heart to answer it adequately. I cast my eyes on the dying embers in the grate and then looked back at Robert.
    ‘Only with someone who truly loved me, and loved me enough to share my dreams.’
    There was a pause for what seemed like a lifetime yet it was only seconds.
    Robert bent forward and cupped my face in his hands and gently brushed my lips with his. I wished that moment could have lasted for an eternity but it was gone and I felt a trembling through my whole body and was afraid when I got up that my legs would not hold me. The clock in the hall struck the hour of five, each chime seeming to move us further from that precious moment.
    ‘I must go,’ I said and realised my voice did not sound the same.
    Nothing would be the same again.
    ‘Yes,’ Robert’s voice came to me as if in a mist. ‘The maid will be in soon to lay the fire.’
    So saying, he rose to his feet and helped me to mine. As I walked to the door, I heard him call my name softly.
    I turned to look at him, my hand on the doorknob.
    ‘Trust me,’ he said.
    As I opened the door, I knew that a girl had entered two hours before and a woman was leaving, a woman very much in love.

 
    7
     
    I made my way back to my room along the now dark corridor as if in a daze. As I shut my bedroom door behind me, I leaned back on it, savouring again the moment Robert’s lips had briefly touched my own. What joy filled my whole being at the memory then I recalled his words, trust me, and I really believed that I did with all my heart.
    It was still dark and, suddenly feeling cold, I lit the lamp on the small table by my chair and bent down to light the fire laid ready in the hearth. As I sat watching the paper alight and listening to the dry crackling as the flame caught the wood, I thought of my mother and how she must have come back to this very room with a heart full of love and longing for my father. The thought of her brought to mind her diaries. This was as good a time as any to read some more.
    Swiftly I retrieved the second diary from the chest for I was anxious to know at which moment she had fallen in love. As I skimmed through the pages, the entries were of mundane things, such as visits to a dressmaker, church outings and my mother’s and Aunt Laura’s walks with Andrew and Jason. From what I read, I gathered Mamma and her sister were very close. Then I sat upright in my chair as I read an entry near the end of the diary.
    October , 12 , 1851 .
    Today Laura and I discovered the priest’s hole quite by chance whilst dusting the doll’s house . It was amazing , but Laura has sworn me to secrecy , why I can’t imagine . I am longing to tell Mamma but will not for I do not want to be the recipient of Laura’s bad temper . I just hope Miss Blackstone does not find out as she has eyes which are sharp and a tongue to match .
    The words jumped up at me and I thought with some dismay of Aunt Laura lying and denying any knowledge of the priest’s hole to Alan Lester only last evening. The question was, should I keep it a secret also or should I tell Grandmother? I would mull it over in my mind and decide what to do. There was no more mention of the priest’s hole so quickly I replaced the diary in the chest and reached for the third one with some excitement. As I leafed through the pages I realised this was more revealing and was what I was seeking.
    March 1 , 1852 , I read.
    Oh , what a day . My heart is singing for he kissed me . My