Maybe Baby by Kim Golden

here."
    And I couldn't think of a reason why I was saying no.
    We went back to my hotel. I waited for something like guilt to creep through me, but this burn I felt for Mads kept it at bay. He pulled me into darkened doorways and pressed me against walls, sliding his greedy hands inside my blouse and pushing aside the flimsy cups of my bra while I rubbed against him. Anything to get closer. I was hungry for him. I wanted to taste every part of him. By the time we made it to my hotel room, we'd come close to stripping in too many public places. I wanted to strip away all the layers of clothing separating us and go down on him. I wanted him to grab my hair and force me to take as much of him in my mouth as I could handle, I wanted to claw his back and feel him swelling inside me. I wanted so much of him.
    I remembered tumbling into the room and already pulling at the buttons on my blouse before he'd even closed the door behind him. He was on me before I could think about what was happening. His strong hands a lready unzipping my pants and pushing them away. We fell together on my bed. We didn't speak. We just fucked. I remember how he took me from behind, tasting me first before he finally entered me and how his hips ground against my ass, how his fingers touched me everywhere and sent wave after wave of lust through me. My moans filled my ears. I didn't care if anyone heard us. I wanted more. And when he came I didn't ask myself if we'd remembered a condom. I didn't care. And that's what scared me. I didn't care. I just wanted more and more of him. I would have taken anything he gave me. And then he went down on me again, sliding his tongue and fingers inside of me, nibbling and tasting me, teasing me, and when I came, it was so hard and strong that I gasped and laughed and cried a little.
    Afterwards, we lay there on sweat-damp sheets, le tting the breeze from the open window cool our skin. Outside, someone was laughing and singing along off-key with Rihanna's "Umbrella."  Would he fall asleep? Would he leave? I barely moved, I was so afraid of slipping out of this spell.
    I didn't have to wait long to find out. He rolled me over on my back and kissed me long and hard. "I want you again... could you... again?"
    I nodded and gave myself to him completely.
    God, what was happening to me?

 
    CHAPTER FIVE
    Home Is Where the Heart Is?
    R eturning to Stockholm felt wrong. I didn't want to go back, not just yet, but I had to. I had the brochures from Copenhagen Cryo; I had Ida's business card. She'd even given me files of possible donors and their backgrounds, just so it would be easier for me to convince Niklas. But now I wasn't so sure. I didn't want to go home to him. There was still this remnant of longing for Mads coursing through me, and it was strong enough that I was afraid it would bleed into my life with Niklas. But now I was in the taxi taking me from Arlanda Airport back to Vasastan, and Niklas, and our apartment on Dalagatan.
    It was late enough in the evening that he might have gone to bed already. I hoped he had. I needed to hold onto the memory of meeting Mads, of feeling him kissing and stroking me just a little longer. I needed to convince myself—before I saw Niklas again—that this would never happen again. We didn't have to go to Copenhagen to have the insemination done. We could purchase the amount of sperm we needed and just have a doctor here in Stockholm take care of everything. And then I would never have to see Mads again or leave myself open to falling again. But that was the problem. I wanted to fall. I wanted to run straight back to him, even though I barely knew him.
    What was wrong with me?
    When the taxi pulled in front of my building, I was relieved to see the lights in our living room weren't on. That was a good sign. It meant Niklas was either in his office or already in bed. If he was still awake, he'd want to talk and then make love. I didn't think I could handle it. Not yet. Not when I was