Maybe Tonight by Kim Golden

they drove to Spain? He could only remember they were together and it was the only time they’d all been like that and his parents weren’t arguing.
    Mads shrugged out of his jacket and laid it over the back of an armchair. His father busied himself with pulling out faded coffee cups Mads recognized from his grandmother’s house.
    “Do you need help?” he asked.
    Benjamin shook his head. “This is nothing.”
    When the percolator finally bubbled and hissed, Benjamin set about serving their coffee and then retrieved a tin of the butter cookies all the tourists loved.
    They sat on the lumpy couch, the silence between them deafening. Benjamin coughed and cleared his throat. “Your cousin says you have something you need to tell me.” Benjamin said, bridging the uncomfortable silence.
    Mads nodded. “I’m going to be a father…”
    “Yes, your cousin Henrik told me.”
    “I just wanted you to know. Laney and I…”
    “Is that her name? Your girlfriend?”
    “Yes. We’re getting married once the baby is born.”
    “That’s good. You can have a family then.” Benjamin took a slow sip of his coffee. “I wasn’t much of a father. I’m sure you’ll be better.”
    “Do you want to meet Laney?”
    “Do you want me to?”
    “I don’t know. I thought if we met, I’d figure it out.”
    “And what is the verdict?”
    “I still don’t know.”
    “Drink your coffee before it gets cold. There is nothing sadder than cold coffee.”
    Mads did as he was told but he could think of a lot of things far worse than cold coffee.
    “Do you want to be a part of your granddaughter’s life?”
    “I can’t make that decision.”
    “Why not?”
    “That’s for you to decide. You have to decide if you want me there. I can’t force you to do anything.”
    “You could at least say that you care you’ll be a grandfather.”
    “I’m glad for your sake that you’ll finally have a family. I know you’ve been unhappy. I know your American girlfriend makes you happy. Your grandmother tells me things, so does your cousin Henrik.”
    “I wish…”
    “Don’t wish, Mads. Wishes only make us heavy at heart.”
    They both sipped their coffee and stared at their hands. Mads stole a glance at his father and wondered if this was what he would be when he was older. Perhaps not, not now when he’d found happiness.
    “Will you at least come and have dinner with Laney and me one night?”
    “If you want me to.”
    “Do you want to know me? Do we have to keep going on like this? Like there is nothing between us?”
    “We’ll see.”
    This was better than nothing, Mads thought. At least there were no promises that could be broken. He listened as his father stumbled forward with awkward small talk, filling the silence with news of how his drinking was not “as bad as it used to be.” He even spoke of Mads’s mother and how he’d visited her grave and left some peonies there. “They were always her favorite.”
    Mads nodded and blinked away the hot rush of tears threatening to fall. He didn’t have the heart to tell his father that his mother’s favorite flowers were not peonies. At least Benjamin had gone. At least he’d tried to do something nice.
    “So I will be a grandfather.”
    “Yes, in three months.”
    “What will you name her? One of those fancy American names?”
    “No, Laney says she was thinking of a Danish name that works in English too.”
    “You should name her Liv, after your mother.”
    “Maybe.” But Mads had already thought of this. And when he thought of his daughter, waiting patiently to be born, her name was always Liv.
     
    *Translation: “Yes, it’s me. I’m coming.”

13
BOY AFRAID
    That night, Mads walked home in the freezing cold and tried to focus on what was ahead of him. He wasn’t the same angry, insecure teenager who lost his mother too soon. He was a man now. Soon to be a father. But walking alone, on near-deserted streets did nothing to improve his mood. He’d thought seeing