Pieces of Paisley by Leigh Ann Lunsford

in hand, so unless I am going to live my life alone, wallowing in the bitterness of being scorned, then I need to follow Kara’s advice. I am scared. What if I show up and Paisley slams the door in my face? What if I take the leap and fall short on the jump? If I am honest, it isn’t the age or her parents that I fear . . . it is the fear of failing, again. I don’t want to put it all out there and be left with more scars. The ones I deal with, the doubts and disbelief that crowd my mind at the most crucial times, still aren’t totally healed, and I don’t want to reopen them. Her beautiful eyes and boisterous laugh enter my mind and I know I am about to attempt the biggest hurdle in my life. Letting go and not knowing how it will end; I am ready to embark on the part of my life that doesn’t drag the past in . . . my future, either with or without Paisley, I realize it is time.
    I clean my hand, and the damage is minimal. A few busted knuckles and minor swelling. Jumping in the shower, I remind myself it is almost time for a haircut. It is getting a bit longer on the top than I like and being in the brig for six weeks I haven’t had much time for grooming. I dry off, and instead of basketball shorts and a t-shirt, I put on my favorite brush popper shirt, Wrangler jeans, and my boots. This is my normal night time wardrobe, and she is about to get all of me, the boy from Kansas, who despite the confidence and swagger I emit, has doubts, questions about where the future will go. I hope I can talk her into taking my hand and take the next step together until we figure it out. Do you ever truly figure life out? I mean, marriage . . . I believe in it, and I am sure every couple who gets married thinks it is forever, but then factor in divorce, death, and life in general, and you never know where you may end up. So, the term “figuring it out together” sounds great, but is even possible? Kids are another unknown in this life. You raise them, love them, and pray that they follow their dreams, and then life creeps up and slaps them in the face, and no matter how hard you try to help them, heal them, and protect them, you can’t barricade every crevice and space, and sometimes the big, bad world gets in and damages them.
    Chad and Kara are waiting for me, and we all walk out in silence. Before I open the door to get in the driver’s seat, I take a deep breath and on exhale I force myself to relax. The next forty-five minutes in the car before I can see her, are going to be excruciating. The tension rolling off me is palpable, and I remind myself no matter how it turns out, I will not go out looking for a fight, that I will come home and process this, deal with it correctly, and not use my fists. This is what she makes me want to do, be a better person. I couldn’t truly be happy for her if she fell in love with someone else. She is the girl that I want all or nothing with. No sliver of her, not a smile or hello every now and then, a phone call to catch up, those would never satisfy me.
    I follow the directions Chad gives me, and in no time we arrive at her house. I see her Jeep in the driveway, Krista’s car in front of it, and only one other car on the side of the house. At least I won’t have that big of an audience when I make an ass out of myself. Kara leans up, “Go with your gut. You really don’t have anything to lose.”
    I look at her stupefied. “Nothing to lose? Just that girl inside.”
    She shakes her head. “No, Jake. You don’t have her, yet. You can’t lose what you don’t have.” She has a point.
    We make our way up to the front door and ring the doorbell. After a few moments, Paisley answers the door with Krista right behind her. She has her hair in a messy ponytail, her eyes are puffy and red, and she is wearing a tank top and short ass shorts and is staring at us all with her mouth open and her eyes darting between all of us. I want to smile, I want to pull her towards me, but I want to see