Secrets of My Hollywood Life #2: On Location by Jen Calonita

wouldn't say emergency, " Laney explains hurriedly nar rowing her eyes at my mother. "More like an unexpected change in plans. Nothing you can't handle."
    I don't say anything. I know from experience Laney will spill the bad news when she's ready. But before she can con tinue, her cell phone rings. She looks at me apologetically, then turns towards the glowing fireplace behind us. " I told you, Beth, hold my calls," she hisses. "Unless it's Reese. Or Russell. Or Julia." She snaps shut the razor-thin cell phone, a gift from Usher. "Your mom and I just came from a meeting with Carol Ingram and Drew Thomas's people," Laney ex plains after a long pause. "She outlined your pre-publicity requirements for The Untitled Hutch Adams Project. "
    "Is this movie ever going to have a name?" Dad asks as he mulls over the menu.
    "Oh, is that all?" I thought something major happened, like Hutch wanting me and Sky to change roles. (I had that nightmare last night.) "Drew and I did some press together at the Xbox party last weekend. It wasn't so bad."
    "See? She doesn't mind doing appearances with Drew." Mom nudges Laney. "Speaking of the Xbox party, I thought you were supposed to be studying Saturday night." Mom raises her right eyebrow.
    I hide my head in my menu. Crab cakes, mouth-watering risotto, and vegetarian pasta. Hmm...I have to wear a bathing suit for the swim meet scene we're shooting on Sun day. Maybe I should have a salad. When I close the menu, our waiter is waiting.
    "I'll have the calamari and watermelon salad," I order. When the waiter leaves, I get down to business. "Let me have it."
    Mom looks at Laney. "Let's talk about some good news, shall we?" Laney suggests. "Seth called this morning and said your film rider was approved. A NordicTrack elliptical trainer will be delivered to your trailer on Sunday."
    HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER FIVE: Film riders--those phantom documents that contain all of a celebrity's de mands for a film, TV show, photo, or music shoot--are the icing on the status cake. A-listers typically have contracts that allow them 30 to 40 perk points, each of which involves some sort of financial compensation, like $1,500 a week for an on-set nanny or $1,000 a week for a trainer. I asked for an elliptical, which will not only help me stay fit for filming but also provide stress relief, and a supply of tea and Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf fat-free vanilla Ice Blendeds. Studios are used to the requests, but they still triple cross their fingers that stars' demands don't spiral out of control. I know a for mer costar who insisted on eight-hundred-thread-count sheets on her hotel room bed, $75 vanilla candles burning in the bathroom, and chilled raspberries on the nightstand every night.
    "Your elliptical request was nothing compared to what Sky asked for," Laney whispers, sliding her Louis Vuitton shades over her eyes to block the bright sun. "In addition to completely organic meals, and Evian stored at a slightly chilled temperature, Sky demanded oxygen be pumped in her trailer to keep her refreshed."
    Mom rolls her eyes. "Anyway, Seth also said to tell you that Liz has been added to your payroll and that the studio is going to pick up the tab."
    "Wow, that's awesome!" My hungry eyes follow the waiter as he places a bread basket on the table. Mom catches me staring and raises her right eyebrow again. I wouldn't dream of taking a piece under her watch, even if it has been hours since Bruce made me a banana shake that tasted like chalk.
    "Kate-Kate, next time you want to add an assistant you should talk to Nadine about it beforehand," Dad warns. "She was a little upset to hear that you were hiring Liz for the shoot."
    "She was?" I thought Nadine liked Liz. "She's always so busy on my film shoots that I thought she'd welcome an ex tra pair of hands."
    "You know Nadine," Mom says briskly and pushes her hair behind her shoulders. "She likes to take credit for do ing all the work herself."
    Dad clears his throat. "Honey, Nadine