Sex & Sourdough by A.J. Thomas

think of this as normal?
    “Oh, so now you’re going to get all whiny on me too?”
    “No.” Anders laughed again. “I think you’re right.”
    “Of course I am, you moron. Get your pack and let’s go.”
    “Did you know it rained for the last two days?”
    “What? Why the fuck would I care if it rained?”
    “Give me a minute, there’s a point. It rained for two days straight. I got soaked. I was half-frozen. This crap all over me isn’t dust, it’s dried mud. I can only imagine what I must smell like. And, you know, I’ve smiled more through two days of hiking in the mud and rain than I have in the past year. I want to go hiking. And I think that you should find somebody who can be the boyfriend you need.”
    Joel cocked his head to the side and stared at him, the anger in his eyes hitting Anders like a physical force. “Now you are really overreacting. You’re the one who’s acting like a bitch. You’re the one who expects the world to bend over and give you everything! If you can’t get past your pathetic little rich boy sense of entitlement, then fine. See how long you last out here without me. But when you break down and you decide you need me, don’t expect me to come rushing back to rescue you.”
    Anders almost laughed at him. He would have laughed, if he hadn’t been determined to stay calm. They both knew any threat Joel made to abandon him on the Appalachian Trail was about as frightening as threatening to strand him at the mall. He could hitchhike to a town and catch a bus to a major airport without putting too big of a dent in his savings. If he ran out of money, Anders’s father could wire him cash anywhere in the world, although the man would likely just hire someone to come get him. There would be weeks of lectures about responsibility if he did call home, but he would never be stuck. Anders smiled. “Okay, then.”
    He didn’t want to say anything that would turn this into an emotional mess. He knew that was coming—he could feel the sinking feeling in his stomach and tightness in the back of his throat—but he wasn’t going to back down now.
    Not with Kevin watching.
    Anders took a deep breath and thought about the marshmallow-shaped powder-blue coat. Kevin had been right four days ago. Moving forward really was just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other. Anders took one step back toward the patio, and then another. “I’ll see you around,” he called back, forcing his face into a bright smile.
    He could feel Joel’s glare following him as he hoisted his pack, clipped the waist belt and sternum strap, adjusted the tension straps on the shoulder harness, and turned toward the far side of the building. At the end of the store, the original stone structure was still intact and used, and it was built right over the Appalachia Trail itself, making a tunnel nearly fifteen feet long. A white rectangular blaze had been painted, over and over again, on the right side of the tunnel.
    This time, Anders didn’t hesitate. He kept taking one step after another until the bustle of the outfitter and store faded from earshot and the trail curved down, taking him away from Mountain Crossings and away from Joel. With each step, he felt lighter, like a kid who had just escaped from a dreaded punishment. He listened to the birdsong as he walked, smiled and said hello to hikers he passed on the trail, and marveled when the tightness in his chest that came every time he thought about losing Joel had evaporated instead of cinching tight until he couldn’t breathe.
    For the past two and a half years, every time he thought about Joel leaving him, he had panicked. He was used to feeling like he was just a puppet playing the part his father assigned to him in life. Being with Joel made him feel like he was still whole, still a real person. He’d become terrified that without Joel, there would be nothing left of him. Joel was always the first to point out that Anders would be nothing