Staked (Iron Druid Chronicles) by Kevin Hearne

human form again, I take off the knuckles and bury Creidhne in praise.
    “You are the finest craftsman alive! They’re wonderful! Perfect!”
    The son of Brighid bows in thanks. “I trust you’ll do something properly legendary with them. If ye don’t make yourself famous with those, the effort’s entirely wasted.”
    “I’m sure something will come along,” I says, grinning at him.
    “When ye name them, you’ll let me know, won’t ye?”
    “Of course, of course.”
    “I have one more thing for you, and then I’ll take me leave.”
    “Oh, right, there’s another box!”
    We pile inside and I put me clothes back on to warm up. The larger box from Luchta holds three wooden stakes, hardwood beauties carved with bindings.
    “Luchta heard that Siodhachan has yewmen going after vampires and is trying to make the world safe for Druids. So he made these for the three of you.”
    “Hold on a moment now,” I says. “Siodhachan’s doing what?”
    “My understanding is that the vampires have declared open season on Druids again—all three of you. They were the ones who spurred the Romans to wipe ye out, ye know, back in the old days that I guess you missed, and only Siodhachan survived. And you, o’ course, by skipping past it all.”
    “I didn’t know that. He never told me that.”
    Greta breaks in and says, “I thought he told you everything while you were touching up his tattoo.”
    “No, no, he must have left out that part. Mostly he talked about cocking up with the gods, and there was only one vampire he talked about—no, two. One almost killed him because the first one betrayed him.”
    “Right, that was Leif Helgarson who betrayed him,” Hal says. “He betrayed us as well.”
    “But it’s this old vampire named Theophilus who’s out for your blood now,” Creidhne says. “Or anyway he’s the one who’s giving the orders.”
    I turn to Greta. “Well, this changes things a bit, love. We can’t start a grove here when we might have bloodsuckers coming after us. It wouldn’t be safe.”
    Her eyes flash at me and she shakes her head. “They’ll be perfectly safe and you know it. They’ll be inside a warded house at sundown and up at sunrise, all of them protected by us and their parents, and none of us easy to kill.”
    “I don’t know what grove you mean, but look at these stakes, Owen,” Creidhne says. “They can’t be splintered or snapped, just like Scáthmhaide, and they have the unbinding for vampires carved right into them. Stab a vampire anywhere—left hand, right big toe—and they’ll be unbound. You don’t have to hit them in the heart with these.”
    “I didn’t know such a thing was possible.”
    “Neither did Luchta until he tried. Look, Brighid wants the Druids to win this time. These stakes were
her
idea, and Luchta made it happen.”
    “Brighid’s idea, eh? Well. I need to pay a visit to your mother in any case. I have to talk to her about starting a grove here, and maybe she knows where Siodhachan is.”
    “I don’t think she does. I brought all the stakes to you because we thought you would know where to find him.”
    “I can try calling him,” Hal says, pulling out his cell phone. We watch in silence as he taps at the screen. He uses the speaker function so we can all hear, but the call goes straight to voice mail. “Nope. Either his phone’s off, or it’s dead, or he’s not on this plane,” he says.
    “Oh, I’ll bet you he’s on this plane,” I growl, feeling the old ire swelling inside when I know Siodhachan’s up to his shenanigans again. “He’s out there somewhere right now with his cheeky hound, doing something dumber than eating a bowl full of llama shite, I guarantee it.”

CHAPTER 5

    P urposefully seeking out a poltergeist might be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done. Well, that and growing muttonchops.
    When I woke and checked the man in the mirror, the areas where I’d applied O’Sullivan’s Patented Miracle Beard Tonic