Susanna's Christmas Wish by Jerry S. Eicher

was being passed on to the next generation. It could even be this Christmas that one of the daughters would be asked to take on the duties instead of Mamm and Daett .
    Susanna pushed the painful thought away as she jerked open the kitchen window. For a few moments she stood still, allowing the cool breeze to blow over her face. Turning around, she noticed Mary giving her a grateful smile. Then Susanna caught sight of Matthew sitting at the table with the children. He was looking at her with a sorrowful expression, as if his last friend had died and he was all alone in the world.
    Susanna looked away at once. Matthew and his condition didn’t concern her. If he didn’t want to stay in the bann and eat in the kitchen with the children, he could visit Bishop Jacob and straighten up the matter. Of course, that would entail coming back to the community. Then perhaps he would find some Amish girl who would take him after his wild life among the Englisha , and they could start a new life together.
    “How are they doing in there?” Mary asked as the two older girls disappeared into the living room.
    “Okay,” Susanna answered. “You shouldn’t be out here.”
    “Well, someone has to see after the children and load the food dishes.”
    That was true, but Mary needn’t be out here for very long. Mary needed to eat her meal. Neither did she, thought Susanna as she looked back at Matthew, who was still watching her as he ate.
    As if to make a point, Matthew motioned for her to come over. He might need a food dish refilled, Susanna figured, so she walked toward him. This would look less conspicuous than refusing his summons. The children would really wonder if she did that.
    “We have to talk,” he said, when she was near enough to hear him. “Afterward…sometime…outside.”
    “No,” she quietly answered. “I have nothing to say to you.”
    “But it’s important,” he insisted.
    Thankful now for the racket, she leaned closer to him.
    “I said no, and I mean no. I’ve said all to you that I’m going to say.”
    His face fell. “Don’t you care if I work through my problems or not?”
    She hesitated…and he noticed.
    “I’m going to speak with Bishop Jacob this week. It would help if I also could speak with you.”
    “No,” she said, pulling away from him. She was not going to give in. She had nothing to say to him that hadn’t already been said.
    Mary was staring at her when Susanna stood up. There was no way Mary could have overheard the conversation, but she must have guessed it wasn’t about food.
    Susanna took ahold of Mary’s arm and whispered, “I have to get out of here, and I’m taking you with me. If you don’t eat something soon, you’re going to pass out.”
    Mary hesitated.
    “ Yah , you’re coming with me. Okay, children!” Susanna raised her voice. “Quiet down.”
    A blessed silence occurred.
    “Everybody has to settle down,” Susanna continued. “You can talk a little if you want to, but keep it low. There’s way too much racket. And I want the older girls to refill the bowls when it’s necessary. But I don’t think you’ll have to—it looks like there’s plenty of food here already. Then we have pies for afterward—pumpkin and cream. You can have one piece each and no more. So no shoving! And Matthew here will see that everyone behaves. Okay?”
    There were a few groans. Probably over the one-piece quota of pie, but mostly there were smiles. Even children liked order, Susanna observed. Matthew had a big smile on his face when she glanced at him. He probably thought she was weakening in her resolve to speak with him because she put him in charge. But she wasn’t. He had just seemed like a handy tool to help keep order.
    “Come!” Susanna pulled on Mary’s arm. “Let’s go eat.”

Eight
    A s Betsy carried leftover food back into the kitchen, Susanna grabbed a broom and started sweeping the living room. The task would be repeated later, she figured, but why not go