The Love Series Complete Box Set by Melissa Collins

muscles. I make it to the clearing where Melanie and I had lunch the other day and take a break to breathe in the beauty all around me. The lake is pristine and so unbelievably calming. It’s surrounded by evergreens, and the contrast between the deep emerald color of the trees and the aqua blue of the water is so stark that it looks almost unnatural. I hear some birds chirping in the tree above me and look up and see a pair of sparrows perched side-by-side like two love birds. . I laugh a little at the cheesiness of the scene, but it really is beautiful.
    In honor of my promise to myself to see the beauty in the world, I lie down and look up into the sky. Jay’s words about not being able to get over the death of my parents until I let myself play back in my mind. Usually I push down the memories I have of my parents; they’re just too painful to let get to the surface. But on this occasion, I decide to just let go and feel them for once.
    One of my favorite memories from my childhood is when my dad and I used to go to the park on Saturday mornings. It was his sweet way of giving mom some time to herself. I think he just liked his weekly slice of Maddy-time. We would lie on our backs and name the shapes we saw in the clouds. I would put my head on his chest and hear his heartbeat. I was safe and protected and loved. In this moment here on the ground, staring up at the clouds, I can almost smell his cologne, some spicy aftershave; I can almost feel his heart against my cheek, a calming thump-thump in his chest. I can hear him chuckling as I name some pretty ridiculous things—a starfish, a baby, a peanut butter and Fluff sandwich. An unbidden tear rolls down my cheek, and I can’t help but smile at the memories. We would always go out to the diner after our park dates, and get pancakes and bacon for lunch. Some afternoons we’d come home and Mom would be napping on the couch, so we would sneak off to go catch a movie, or hang out down in the den and watch a baseball game.
    Those days were the happiest in my life. I hope that maybe one day, it’ll feel like that again, like heaven on earth. I might not be there yet, but for the first time ever, it doesn’t feel like hell.
     

Chapter 6

    Saturday Morning—Post Best Kiss Ever with Maddy
     
    I see the tears pouring down her face as I retreat to my room, but I am just too fucked up right now to go to her. I know I’m being exactly what she said I was—a dick—but I don’t have it in me to hear from her sweet lips how much I’ve hurt her. I want to apologize for almost knocking her over, for insulting her, for being a huge douche, but I just can’t own up to those feelings right now.
    I will most definitely not apologize for kissing her, though. Since I first met her, I’ve wanted to kiss her—to do so much more with her. But that kiss—oh, God—what the fuck was that kiss? I have never felt anything like that in my life, and well, to put it mildly, I’ve kissed my share of girls.
    Love ’em and leave ’em. Yeah that’s always been how I work, and it works for me. No attachment, no commitment—perfect. I put up some pretty fucking sturdy walls after Alex fucked me over, and no one has been able to break them down. I won’t let them. But there was something in her eyes; I saw it when we were dancing. I could see into her soul, and it shook me to my core. She knocked me totally off my game. She’s sarcastic and snarky, but she’s got so much sweetness, too. I just cannot get her out of my head, and now I’ve gone and really fucked things up.
    She leaves shortly after our kiss, and I know she’s upset. Logan is sitting at the kitchen table, pouring milk into his cereal. I stare him down, beyond pissed off that he would do that to me—you know the whole “bros over hos” thing, but then again, it’s not like I made it known that I want her.
    Why would anyone think that you actually want a girl. You’ve done your best to push them all away.
    “I