The Soul Seekers by Amy Saia

but no real plan. It was always the same road, going nowhere, but steadily passing by. Every time I had a direction, it disappeared and I had to get creative again. Jesse had ideas, but I couldn’t trust him yet.
    The Pontiac was parked just a few spaces down from the record store, and I hesitated beside it for a moment. I didn’t want to go home, didn’t want to work. I just knew I wanted to be somewhere.
    Ethel was surprised to see me but gave a pat to the counter when I walked in. “What happened?”
    “I bought a car.”
    “Good!”
    “Then I lost a car.”
    “Oh.”
    “It’s okay; I’m still deciding what to do.”
    She got up and poured me a hot cup of coffee. “You’ll figure it out. If they had a damn bus line in this town it’d be so much easier.”
    “That would definitely help. As it is, I might have to consider hitchhiking out to Brentwood.”
    Ethel looked worried. “I wish my car worked. I’d drive you out there.”
    “Don’t worry about it.” I grabbed an empty cart. “I guess I can work, since I’m done with my business for the day.”
    I started to fill each row with nonfiction, my secret way to be near William. I wheeled the cart to the back corner, noticing how nervous he looked. It was as if he were trapped inside some sort of dilemma with no hope for escape. He looked the way I felt.
    “What’s wrong, Superman?” I asked boldly. “Afraid your toy’s gonna leave?”
    He sat like stone.
    “Pretending I don’t exist? Just like that night in the gazebo, when I spilled my heart out to you? Whatever, I’m used to it.”
    I grabbed a book on Eastern religion and flipped through its contents.
    “Are you talking to me?” he sounded terrified.
    I let out a harsh breath. “Yeah, I’m talking to you. Am I being annoying?”
    “You can see me?”
    I shook my head, laughing low. “What a stupid game. You won, okay, you won. It can stop now. I’m leaving town, and you can have your sacred spot in the back of the library all to yourself.”
    William got up slow and came to my side. “I don’t understand. No one’s ever been able to see me, not any normal human at least.”
    “Oh, I’m not normal, or haven’t you noticed? I talk to the breeze, or is that ‘shoot the breeze?’ Whatever you call it, I do it.” A cold hand reached out to touch my arm, and I backed away. “Don’t you see? I was already messed-up before I got here, and you with your tricks and your stupid game.” Tears were flowing. “One more thing and I’m gonna break.”
    His face looked strange—horrified and mesmerized.
    I was freezing. Wild shivers ran up and down my arms, taking over my ability to stand or breathe or think. I took another step away.
    “Actually, I should go home. I’m sorry I bugged you like this. It’s just been a really bad day and my brain must not be working.” Every breath came out with a little cloud of frost.
    Our eyes met, his—endless vibrant blue, like sky and water meeting together on a sparkling summer day, and mine—dark brown, fluttering, scared. My throat fought hard to swallow a dry cord of saliva.
    “I’ll see you later, okay?” I choked out the words.
    And then I was running. I grabbed my things by the desk and shoved out the door, pausing a moment to catch my breath before reaching the Pontiac parked in front of the record store. Jesse looked up from the counter and gave a little wave, but I ignored him. I threw open the car door and slid inside quick. My hands shook out of control.
    Driving down Walters Street I heard this one phrase, repeating like one of Dad’s scratched 45’s: No one’s ever been able to see me, no one’s ever been able to see me, no one’s ever been able to see me. Not any normal human.

7: Flashes
    Coin, five-dollar bill, book on Springvale: I had them laid out on my dresser. Sitting on my bed, I stared at them from across the room. Mom was still mad at me about the whole money thing, asking me why and what I was going to do. I