Waiter to the Rich and Shameless: Confessions of a Five-Star Beverly Hills Server by Paul Hartford

need me to tell you that.  When he enters a room he has that
demeanor of parting the seas. “I’m here now. Everyone can breathe.” It’s
amazing what a gorgeous woman like Melania is willing to overlook for a measly
few billion.
    Broadway
Joe Namath showed up one day and had three Grey Goose Martinis, shaken, with
olives.  He sat at the bar and told me that he was building a house around the
Brentwood Park area to be closer to his daughter.  Thank God he didn’t talk
about football because that’s one thing I don’t know shit about, having grown
up in Europe and all.  Joe had a great vibe about him and it wasn’t long before
he was swarmed by rich locals at the bar calling out his name, “Hey, Joe,
remember me?”  Or “Hey, Joe, we met at blah blah blah,” one after the other. He
paid for his three drinks and got out of there quick.  I shook his hand, he
left me a Grant, and I’ve got to say, that guy never stopped smiling from the
time he came in until the time he left.  Never saw him again, though. But I
heard he came back several times after that from Don, who served him. 
    Paul
Magers, an award-winning news anchor from the Twin Cities, signed a deal with
CBS News Los Angeles and bought a house up the street from the restaurant.  He
would come in to unwind after work and talk about how it felt to return to LA
after being in the frozen north for years.  He liked his Chalon chardonnay and
house-smoked Balik salmon.  Nice guy, good tipper, even if he was wearing TV makeup. 
I always enjoyed serving him.
    Stan
Lee (comic book writer, editor, publisher, media producer, television host,
actor) would sit at one of the tables very close to the bar and insist that I
come out from behind the bar to serve him.  He was going through a real revival
of interest his work, and his comic book creations were famous again,
especially Spiderman .  This was right after the first movie starring
Toby Maguire.  Lee had also created the Fantastic Four , the Hulk , Iron Man , Thor and the X-Men .  So when Hollywood started
making big-budget movies featuring Stan Lee’s characters, we started seeing
more of him. Even though he was getting on in age, nothing dampened his smile. 
One time I introduced a regular customer of mine by the name of Mr. Hart to Mr.
Lee.  They talked for a long while and Stan ended up signing some stuff for him.
 Mr. Hart was so thrilled that he tipped me seven-hundred bucks, the biggest
tip I ever received as a bartender.
    During
my period as a bartender, I also waited on numerous rock stars, which always
touched a nerve for me:
    Bon Jovi:  Boring, doesn’t drink alcohol. 
Just kind of walks around for everyone to notice him and then gets bored and
leaves.  He’s as boring as his singing suggests, even though he had been my
“hair” inspiration. To his credit, he’s been married to his wife for twenty-four
years and has always kept a good image. Gay?
    Richie Sambora (Bon Jovi
bandmate):   Likes
to drink decent wine, is happy-go-lucky, and doesn’t mind talking to strangers.
He picked up the tab for himself and his guest, drummer David Bryant (who looks
like he’s been living large).  Sambora excitedly expressed his appreciation for
Steely Dan whom he had recently seen perform live. Nice guy, though he’s got
the reputation of a player with the ladies. Rock on, dude. Rock on.
    Mick Jagger:   A wiry fucker and still just
drinks iced tea.  Was joined by a female publicist and another businesswoman.
He let them drink their wine and once their guard was down he laid out his
points and got them to agree, and before they knew it, he was gone.  Handled
like the true businessman that he is. I love his hair and his rubber face.
    Johnny Rzeznik (Goo Goo Dolls
musician and vocalist):  
A shy, quiet, romantic, who drinks light but prefers a dark candlelit table to
court his young girlfriends. It’s fun to watch him mesmerize them by taking
them to the most exclusive dinner spot in Los