100 Days of April-May by Edyth Bulbring Page A

meeting with Fluffy and Ishmael at Chez Matchbox this morning. The first item on the agenda is: Progress on en suite. The second item on the agenda is: Lack of progress on en suite. The third item on the agenda is: What has happened to the advance payment for labour and building materials that Fluffy laid out at the start of the job?
    After nearly two months the garage area still resembles Ground Zero. It has occurred to me (and perhaps to Mrs Ho, whose lips have gotten thinner by the week) that all the builders do each week is move the pile of rubble about.
    Fluffy has pulled Ishmael into the meeting to try and sort things out before Mrs Ho takes matters into her own hands – like wrapping them around the builders’ necks and wringing the life out of them.
    It is common knowledge among relationship experts that there are several things that cause stress in an intimate friendship. In particular, the experts and me have identified: moving house, building renovations, a badly behaved dog and the dirty-sock-and-wet-towel habit practised by eighty-two per cent of the male species (of which Fluffy’s dirty-sock habit is a subset).
    The wet-towel habit requires said man-slob to leave a wet towel on the floor/bed/any place other than on the designated towel rack. This is usually coupled with the dirty-sock habit, which involves balling a dirty pair of socks together, necessitating the washer of socks (Mrs Ho) to stick her fingers into the fecund depths to unball them before shoving them into the washing machine. ‘It’s a nasty little habit,’ Mrs Ho says. And when she says this she looks at Fluffy as though he’s her nasty little habit. One that she wants to kick.
    Between the big move, the builders, Nameless Dog and the dirty-sock habit, things have become a bit strained between Fluffy and Mrs Ho. Understatement.
    Ishmael says Fluffy mustn’t stress. The meeting with the builders will put everyone back on the straight and narrow. Fluffy mustn’t forget that Trevor and Phineus can be trusted because they are members of his family on his late father’s brother’s side.
    Fluffy looks at his watch and says, ‘Trevor and Phineus are an hour late, but we can’t start the meeting without them, can we?’ Ishmael says, ‘No, we can’t.’ So they drink a couple of pots of rooibos tea while they wait.
    Two hours later Mrs Ho and Sam Ho return from the shops and then go straight back out again. Mrs Ho says that she’s not getting involved in ‘this mess’ and the further she can be from the builders the safer they will be. And will Fluffy put the groceries away, please. She says, ‘Please.’ Full stop. But she means please don’t let me come back and find the groceries still in their packets on the floor where I left them.
    Another hour passes and then the doorbell rings. Ishmael answers the door and shouts to Fluffy that there’s a bloke at the door asking for him. Is he expecting another visitor apart from the builders this morning?
    Fluffy goes to the door to look and says, ‘No, this is Trevor, your relative – on your late father’s brother’s side of the family. You gave me his contact details when I decided to convert the garage.’
    Ishmael makes big eyes at Trevor and lets him in.
    Trevor says that Phineus sends his apologies but he is in the middle of something.
    â€˜How could he do this to me? This is important. It’s not a game,’ Fluffy says. He looks at Trevor as though he is facing down a nightmare.
    Trevor says that’s precisely what it is. Phineus is in the middle of a game of blackjack at Gold Reef City Casino and his chips are down. Until he makes back his stake and the losses from yesterday and several days before yesterday he can’t leave.
    It’s a bad start to the meeting and things get worse. Fluffy offers Trevor some tea, but Trevor looks at his watch and says, ‘Somewhere in the