was less high-maintenance, more understanding. I hoped to God that phone call hadn’t been a sign of things to come, because then, she’d sounded just like the rest.
I met Mikey and Jon for food before the show, they were full of praise about the song I’d sent earlier. Jon was so impressed that I’d appeared to have gotten my creative mojo back, he didn’t even raise his eyebrow at the beer I ordered with my meal. I relaxed in myself slightly, feeling as though I were less on the periphery of my life.
Having had my self-esteem restored, first by Anna and then by the guys, a small piece of my arrogance returned. I welcomed it. It was a necessary front to be able to play, perform and present the way I did. I felt more comfortable being the lead singer of Chance than I did being Nate Sullivan, and I was relieved that the former had grown a little stronger today.
“Hey. Do you guys know where we’re headed this week?” I aimed my question at Jon; he was pretty good at remembering our upcoming locations, I assumed because of having to organize time to see the kids.
As expected, he reeled off our next five shows from memory, but I hadn’t really been asking for that. I’d wanted to know when we were off so I could sneak a visit to Anna. In my dressing room that night, I sent her a quick message.
Think you could get Thursday off work? I can come to you or fly you out? Your choice . It was perfunctory and emotionless, I wasn’t about to open myself up again so easily this time.
When she replied, I got a tingle of anticipation I couldn’t suppress. Thursday it was then, I thought with a grin. Steady Nate, she’s almost floored you once. Slow down, I told myself.
In the crowd that night, right against the barriers at the front, I saw the same girl I’d picked out to come backstage at an earlier show but had decided against taking her back to the hotel. While I gave her my best intense stare from behind the mic, I wracked my brains trying to think of her name. Alice—it came to me at once. She didn’t have my face on her t-shirt this time; instead she was wearing a tight, v neck vest top with the band’s logo adorned on it, the top of her breasts curved like rising suns from the open neckline. Mikey was right, she was smoking hot. She stood out from the crowd once again by her total stillness. Where others jostled and moshed and bounced beside her, she stood her ground, pinning me down with her steady gaze, like she was challenging me to something. I thought of Anna. Then I thought of Nate Sullivan, the man I was trying to run from, and I accepted Alice’s challenge.
CHAPTER 9— ANNA
I hugged my phone to my chest, heart pounding with excitement and the thrill of our clandestine meeting. I walked around my room, replaying the conversation in my head. I’d been way more assertive than I’d ever known myself to be. As soon as I’d seen that newspaper article, as soon as the slightest doubt had peeked through my consciousness, I’d known I’d have to see him again. The pull toward him was too strong to ignore and I didn’t think I would be able to look at any more photos of him living his life without feeling satisfied that I’d at least tried.
I wanted to take it super slowly, I didn’t want him to hurt me, but all I thought about were the words he’d said to me that night under the streetlamps and the stars. He’d said I was different, and I believed he meant it, now I needed him to prove it.
What I’d just done was basically agree to betray my friend, this would all have to be done behind her back—that part of it didn’t feel good. But for now, I had to push it into a box at the very back of my mind. I’d deal with that when I had a clearer idea of what I was doing, what I was getting in to. For this instant, I had no idea.
Becky was obviously running late at the office and I was grateful for the extra time to myself. Daydreaming about the coming
I met Mikey and Jon for food before the show, they were full of praise about the song I’d sent earlier. Jon was so impressed that I’d appeared to have gotten my creative mojo back, he didn’t even raise his eyebrow at the beer I ordered with my meal. I relaxed in myself slightly, feeling as though I were less on the periphery of my life.
Having had my self-esteem restored, first by Anna and then by the guys, a small piece of my arrogance returned. I welcomed it. It was a necessary front to be able to play, perform and present the way I did. I felt more comfortable being the lead singer of Chance than I did being Nate Sullivan, and I was relieved that the former had grown a little stronger today.
“Hey. Do you guys know where we’re headed this week?” I aimed my question at Jon; he was pretty good at remembering our upcoming locations, I assumed because of having to organize time to see the kids.
As expected, he reeled off our next five shows from memory, but I hadn’t really been asking for that. I’d wanted to know when we were off so I could sneak a visit to Anna. In my dressing room that night, I sent her a quick message.
Think you could get Thursday off work? I can come to you or fly you out? Your choice . It was perfunctory and emotionless, I wasn’t about to open myself up again so easily this time.
When she replied, I got a tingle of anticipation I couldn’t suppress. Thursday it was then, I thought with a grin. Steady Nate, she’s almost floored you once. Slow down, I told myself.
In the crowd that night, right against the barriers at the front, I saw the same girl I’d picked out to come backstage at an earlier show but had decided against taking her back to the hotel. While I gave her my best intense stare from behind the mic, I wracked my brains trying to think of her name. Alice—it came to me at once. She didn’t have my face on her t-shirt this time; instead she was wearing a tight, v neck vest top with the band’s logo adorned on it, the top of her breasts curved like rising suns from the open neckline. Mikey was right, she was smoking hot. She stood out from the crowd once again by her total stillness. Where others jostled and moshed and bounced beside her, she stood her ground, pinning me down with her steady gaze, like she was challenging me to something. I thought of Anna. Then I thought of Nate Sullivan, the man I was trying to run from, and I accepted Alice’s challenge.
CHAPTER 9— ANNA
I hugged my phone to my chest, heart pounding with excitement and the thrill of our clandestine meeting. I walked around my room, replaying the conversation in my head. I’d been way more assertive than I’d ever known myself to be. As soon as I’d seen that newspaper article, as soon as the slightest doubt had peeked through my consciousness, I’d known I’d have to see him again. The pull toward him was too strong to ignore and I didn’t think I would be able to look at any more photos of him living his life without feeling satisfied that I’d at least tried.
I wanted to take it super slowly, I didn’t want him to hurt me, but all I thought about were the words he’d said to me that night under the streetlamps and the stars. He’d said I was different, and I believed he meant it, now I needed him to prove it.
What I’d just done was basically agree to betray my friend, this would all have to be done behind her back—that part of it didn’t feel good. But for now, I had to push it into a box at the very back of my mind. I’d deal with that when I had a clearer idea of what I was doing, what I was getting in to. For this instant, I had no idea.
Becky was obviously running late at the office and I was grateful for the extra time to myself. Daydreaming about the coming
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