breakdown, because hell, she just found out her little sister kills people for a living, has a cadaver in her trunk, and also has no idea where her serial killer sis is taking her.
Just when you think you know someone, right?
But it still hurt me that she was looking at me that way. I was still Grace, wasn't I? Still her little sister. The one she herself had raised and loved for all the time I had been on this earth. It didn't just hurt, it tore me apart inside and rubbed salt in the wound.
She was glaring at me as though I was some sort of monster.
But then, she'd never seen me as anything other than her rude but dependable little sister.
"It's still me, Constance." I fought back the tears that threatened to stream out. "I'm still Grace. I always have been."
Why doesn't she
see
? I am not a monster
. My inner voice shouted, but my resolve wavered.
Yes you are
. My conscience said.
Ever since you took that first life
.
Constance seemed to have found her voice at last. "No you're not. I don't know who you are, but you're not my Gracie."
I almost heard the
rip
as my heart tore in two.
She was as cold as ice, her frigid tone cutting me to the quick. And the utter truth of her words hit me as well. She's
right
.
No, I'm not little Graecia Pryor. That weak little girl who was too afraid to say
no
when they put a gun in my hand and told me to shoot. That frightened little girl who took away another innocent life just to save her own. I was too terrified to die when Kendall handed me a revolver and ordered me to murder a faceless stranger. To see if I had the
nerve
. I didn't have nerve. I just had the will to survive. And that was what I had told myself for the longest time; that I had been preserving my own life. It was justified.
My pathetic logic withered before my self-scrutiny.
It wasn't justified at all. Because I had continued to do so for years afterward. And why? Because there was an immediate threat to my pathetic life? Because Keller was going to kill me if I didn't do what he told me to?
And why in the blue fucking hell do I still follow his orders? What is this? I'd become attached to my captor. This is so fucked up .
Why had I never thought about it before?
I choked out a sob. "You're right."
One tear slid down my cold cheek. I hadn't bothered with a coat and was shivering. But I didn't care. In fact, I barely even noticed that we had somehow reached our destination.
The freezing black waters of the reservoir stretched out ahead of the car for about a mile. I stepped out, leaving Constance in the car, shivering more violently. I popped the trunk and grabbed a handful of black plastic trash bag.
Somehow, I managed to heave Reno's body over the edge by myself. I'll never figure out how I got those two hundred pounds of dead weight over there. But I did.
He fell slowly, it seemed like, for ages before he hit the water with a sharp splash and sank. "Goodbye." I murmured to myself.
And now I had done the last thing I could do for my sister, by eliminating the evidence. She was safe now, and that was all that I wanted. I stood there by the cliff's edge, and a thought occurred to me.
It would be so
easy
to just stop hurting. Right now. Right here.
Why not? All I do is hurt people. All I do is take people away from those that love them. No one would miss me. Not even Constance, now that she knew what a monster I was.
Julia? Maybe, but she'd understand why I did it.
And that way, I couldn't hurt anyone else. It was better this way, wasn't it? Was it?
And I realized that I still had my gun in the waistband of my jeans.
"Grace? What are you doing?" I heard my sister behind me. She sounded… concerned? I noticed I'd been leaning toward the edge, my toes touching the rock that covered the cliff face.
A shuffle of feet. She scooted closer. As though she were afraid she would spook me. "Nothing." I answered. But I reached behind me and gripped my pistol in my frozen hands; pulling it out and looking at
Just when you think you know someone, right?
But it still hurt me that she was looking at me that way. I was still Grace, wasn't I? Still her little sister. The one she herself had raised and loved for all the time I had been on this earth. It didn't just hurt, it tore me apart inside and rubbed salt in the wound.
She was glaring at me as though I was some sort of monster.
But then, she'd never seen me as anything other than her rude but dependable little sister.
"It's still me, Constance." I fought back the tears that threatened to stream out. "I'm still Grace. I always have been."
Why doesn't she
see
? I am not a monster
. My inner voice shouted, but my resolve wavered.
Yes you are
. My conscience said.
Ever since you took that first life
.
Constance seemed to have found her voice at last. "No you're not. I don't know who you are, but you're not my Gracie."
I almost heard the
rip
as my heart tore in two.
She was as cold as ice, her frigid tone cutting me to the quick. And the utter truth of her words hit me as well. She's
right
.
No, I'm not little Graecia Pryor. That weak little girl who was too afraid to say
no
when they put a gun in my hand and told me to shoot. That frightened little girl who took away another innocent life just to save her own. I was too terrified to die when Kendall handed me a revolver and ordered me to murder a faceless stranger. To see if I had the
nerve
. I didn't have nerve. I just had the will to survive. And that was what I had told myself for the longest time; that I had been preserving my own life. It was justified.
My pathetic logic withered before my self-scrutiny.
It wasn't justified at all. Because I had continued to do so for years afterward. And why? Because there was an immediate threat to my pathetic life? Because Keller was going to kill me if I didn't do what he told me to?
And why in the blue fucking hell do I still follow his orders? What is this? I'd become attached to my captor. This is so fucked up .
Why had I never thought about it before?
I choked out a sob. "You're right."
One tear slid down my cold cheek. I hadn't bothered with a coat and was shivering. But I didn't care. In fact, I barely even noticed that we had somehow reached our destination.
The freezing black waters of the reservoir stretched out ahead of the car for about a mile. I stepped out, leaving Constance in the car, shivering more violently. I popped the trunk and grabbed a handful of black plastic trash bag.
Somehow, I managed to heave Reno's body over the edge by myself. I'll never figure out how I got those two hundred pounds of dead weight over there. But I did.
He fell slowly, it seemed like, for ages before he hit the water with a sharp splash and sank. "Goodbye." I murmured to myself.
And now I had done the last thing I could do for my sister, by eliminating the evidence. She was safe now, and that was all that I wanted. I stood there by the cliff's edge, and a thought occurred to me.
It would be so
easy
to just stop hurting. Right now. Right here.
Why not? All I do is hurt people. All I do is take people away from those that love them. No one would miss me. Not even Constance, now that she knew what a monster I was.
Julia? Maybe, but she'd understand why I did it.
And that way, I couldn't hurt anyone else. It was better this way, wasn't it? Was it?
And I realized that I still had my gun in the waistband of my jeans.
"Grace? What are you doing?" I heard my sister behind me. She sounded… concerned? I noticed I'd been leaning toward the edge, my toes touching the rock that covered the cliff face.
A shuffle of feet. She scooted closer. As though she were afraid she would spook me. "Nothing." I answered. But I reached behind me and gripped my pistol in my frozen hands; pulling it out and looking at
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