A Closed Book by Gilbert Adair Page A

‘nothing’” – dash – “I am blind, after all” – dash – “but that ‘nothing’” – keep the inverted commas – “is, paradoxically, by no means indescribable” – no, “is, paradoxically, by no means beyond my powers of description. I see nothing, yet, amazingly, I am able to describe that nothing. The world for me, the world of sightlessness, has become a sombre and coarsely textured plaid” – that’s plaid as in a Scotch plaid – “as devoid of light as I imagine deep space must be and yet somehow, also like deep space, penetrable. And, I repeat, I really do see it. There would seem to exist a profound impulse” – no, “an immemorial impulse” – no, wait, “a profound andimmemorial impulse” – yes, “a profound and immemorial impulse in that part of my face where my eyes used to be to ‘look out’” – inverted commas around “look out”. Actually, from now on I’ll say “ICs” for inverted commas. I tend to use them a lot in my prose. Where was I?’
    â€˜â€œThere would seem to be a profound and immemorial impulse –”’
    â€˜I think you’ll find I said “would seem to
exist
a profound and immemorial impulse –”’
    â€˜â€œThere would seem to exist a profound and immemorial impulse in that part of my face where my eyes used to be –”’
    â€˜Comma – “in that part of my face where my eyes used to be” – matching comma – “to ‘look out’ at the world, an impulse that, even when I no longer have eyes” – I fear I’m being repetitive here but we’ll tidy it up later – “even when I no longer have eyes, does not then spread indiscriminately to the rest of my face. It is still with my missing eyes, exclusively with them, that I see nothing” – ICs around “see nothing”. “I still turn my head to greet someone, not merely in unthinking obeisance” – o, b, e, i, s, a, n, c, e – “not merely in unthinking obeisance to the weary conventions of casual social intercourse.” No, let’s say rather “jejune social intercourse”. I don’t want “casual” next to “social”.’
    â€˜Why not?’
    â€˜Too elly.’
    â€˜Too elly?’
    â€˜Too many l’s. “Casu
al
”, “soci
al
”. It’s practically a rhyme. I don’t need it.’
    â€˜Okay. Sorry, but how do you spell “jejune”?’
    â€˜J, e, j, u, n, e.’
    â€˜To be honest, I’ve never known what that word means.’
    â€˜
You
don’t have to know what it means. I’m going on. So – “blah blah blah not merely in unthinking obeisance to the weary conventions of jejune social intercourse but also as though, even eyeless, I remain under the sway of an instinctual and atavistic seeing reflex. In short, I continue to see” – ICs, please – “the same plaid, the same deep space, because as a human being I cannot not see it” – semi-colon – “because seeing is a function of the organism even when the organs themselves have been removed. I have to see –” Better underline “have”.’
    â€˜You mean, italicize it?’
    â€˜Can do you that?’
    â€˜Yes, of course.’
    â€˜On the computer screen?’
    â€˜Absolutely. I’ve done it already.’
    â€˜Good Lord. What a dream machine it must be. I almost wish I could see it. Well, never mind. Read that last bit back to me, please.’
    â€˜The last bit. “I continue to ‘see’ the same plaid, the same deep space, because as a human being I cannot not see it; because seeing is a function of the organism even when the organs themselves have been removed. I
have
to see