A Closed Book by Gilbert Adair

stripes.’
    *
    â€˜It’s not the Cerruti?’
    â€˜The label says Stripes.’
    â€˜Stripes? Just Stripes?’
    â€˜Yeah.’
    â€˜But that’s extraordinary. I have no such tie.’
    â€˜It’s the tie you were wearing.’
    â€˜But I tell you it can’t be.’
    â€˜Look, Paul, it’s not important really, is it? After all, think about it. What it means is that you didn’t stain the Cerruti, right? The tie you really liked?’
    â€˜You aren’t listening. I don’t possess a brownstriped tie. Repeat, I don’t possess a brown striped tie. All my ties I purchased before I went blind and they’re all laid out in order on a special hanger inside my wardrobe. I ought to know by now which is which. I simply don’t recognize such a tie.’
    â€˜Well, I don’t know what the answer is, but I’m sure it’s nothing to get upset about. Later, if you like, I’ll go over your ties with you and I guarantee you’ll find everything in its place. Just for now, though, shouldn’t we get started?’
    â€˜What? Oh. Yes, yes, of course. Forgive me. I’m so unused to – Yes, forgive me.’
    *
    â€˜All right. All right, let’s see. Uh, “I am blind.”’
    â€˜Yes?’
    â€˜No, no, you don’t understand. I want that to be the first sentence of the book.’
    â€˜Oh, I get it. Okay, here we go. “I am blind …” Full stop?’
    â€˜I said it was a sentence, didn’t I? Don’t bother with punctuation at the moment. Just go with your instincts.’
    â€˜Right.’
    *
    â€˜Ready when you are, Paul.’
    â€˜And don’t keep prompting me. It’s counterproductive. When I have what I want to say, you’ll be the first to know.’
    â€˜Sorry.’
    â€˜And for Christ’s sake, don’t keep saying you’re sorry all the fucking time! It’s driving me bananas!’
    *
    â€˜Ah. Hmph. Now it’s my turn to say sorry. My apologies, John. I’m just a little rattled this morning. That business of the tie. I can’t imagine why it should have upset me as much as it has.’
    *
    â€˜I repeat, my apologies.’
    â€˜Accepted.’
    â€˜I did tell you it wouldn’t be easy. I’m not an easy man, I know it.’
    â€˜It’s fine, it’s fine. Don’t worry.’
    â€˜Good. Then let’s proceed. “I am blind. I have no sight. Equally I have no eyes.” Tell me if I’m going too fast.’
    â€˜That’s okay as it is.’
    â€˜â€œEqually I have no eyes. I am thus a freak. For blindness is freakish, is surreal.”’
    â€˜Sorry. Do you want both “is freakish” and “is surreal”?’
    â€˜Yes, I do: “is freakish”, comma, “is surreal”, full stop. “For blindness is freakish, is surreal.” No, that’s terrible – it’s – oh God, this won’t do.’
    *
    â€˜Look, John, forget what I just said. Just go on whether it’s terrible or not. Don’t listen to any of mycomplaints. Keep typing away whatever I say. Use your judgement.’
    â€˜Right.’
    â€˜â€œEven more surreal” – I’m dictating now, by the way – “even more surreal than my blindness itself, however, is the fact that, without any eyes to see” – no, “is the fact that, having been dispossessed not only of my sight but of my eyes, I continue to see” – inverted commas around “to see” – no, on second thoughts, only around the word “see” – “I continue to ‘see’ nevertheless. What it is that I see” – naturally, there are no inverted commas this time – “what it is that I see may be ‘nothing’” – inverted commas again.’
    â€˜For “nothing”?’
    â€˜Yes. “What it is that I see may be