‘Go downstairs already before Mama freaks out.’ I mean, she was such a...”
He drifted off. He’d finished the sentence in the past, and it didn’t end well. Whatever good he thought about his father, he had the opposite opinion of his mother. “I laid out the pattern and cut it. I was careful. Those suits, the margins are really tight. You can’t waste or make mistakes, or you lose half your profits. And by the way, it took a month to get fabric delivered. But I was sure I did it right. Positive. You sure you want to hear this?”
“He didn’t beat you, did he?”
Jeremy gave a little cough of a laugh. “No. When he came down, he laid out the pieces, and the bottom layer of fabric had slipped. Everything cut for the left side was off grain by almost a little more than a sixteenth.”
“Oh, no.”
“He laid out the rest of the fabric, ten yards, probably eight hundred dollars’ worth, and I’m crying already, because I know how bad this is. He hands me his scissors, which were twice the size of mine, and he says, ‘Cut it. Cut all of it. Small pieces. I don’t want to be able to make a facing or a pocket. Go!’ I got snot in my oxygen mask and tears everywhere, and I knew I was going to have to clean out the tubes. And I tell him I can recut the left side, you know, that it doesn’t have to be a total loss. But he takes the stuff I did correctly, the right side, and slices it in two. Then he stands over me while I chop the rest of the fabric to shreds.”
Laura heard voices downstairs, a little laughter, and then the closed front door that meant Ruby had gone back to her garden apartment. Laura didn’t dare leave her room for fear of interrupting Mom and Jimmy’s quiet time. Her living situation was getting tricky. She was going to need to find her own place again soon. “He laid out the fabric, JJ. It wasn’t your fault.”
His chair creaked again. “Yeah. I know. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
She felt the need to make a similar sort of ugly admission. “Ruby says I had an incontinence problem after Dad left. Still think I’m sexy?”
“Can I send you a cab?”
“I can get my own cab, JJ.”
“I don’t know what else to offer. Get your own cab. Are you coming back here? That’s all I want to know.”
She wanted nothing more than to see him, but it wasn’t practical. “I need to get to sleep.”
“If you lived in the city, we’d be together right now.”
“I know. It’s hard to look for something when I’m at work all the time.” There was a soft knock at her door. She got up to answer it.
“You don’t even need to like the place,” Jeremy said. “You’re with me most nights anyway.”
Laura opened the door. Mom walked in carrying a book.
“I have to go. You love me.” The words rolled and clicked around her mouth like a hard candy that hadn’t dissolved yet.
“And you love me,” Jeremy responded. “Don’t oversleep. You have a fitting in the morning.”
Mom sat on the bed, in the dark. Laura clicked off the phone, heavy with the feeling that there wasn’t going to be much sleeping that night. She turned on the light, and with Mom sitting there on the 1970s avocado bedspread she’d found at a thrift store, the absurd poverty of the room was apparent. Nothing hung on the walls. No books weighed the shelves. The curtains had been there when she’d moved in, as if she had never committed to living there at all. Laura had been so broke and hopeless when she’d moved in with Mom and Ruby all of nine months ago. She could afford a place in Midtown if she wanted it, if she could only find the time to see one first.
“You knew I thought he left earlier, and you never told me,” Laura said.
“I didn’t even know you’d convinced yourself otherwise until it was too late. There seemed no harm in it. You want to be angry at me? Go ahead. I had a lot to deal with at the time, and the extra laundry you made me wasn’t helping. I was willing to
He drifted off. He’d finished the sentence in the past, and it didn’t end well. Whatever good he thought about his father, he had the opposite opinion of his mother. “I laid out the pattern and cut it. I was careful. Those suits, the margins are really tight. You can’t waste or make mistakes, or you lose half your profits. And by the way, it took a month to get fabric delivered. But I was sure I did it right. Positive. You sure you want to hear this?”
“He didn’t beat you, did he?”
Jeremy gave a little cough of a laugh. “No. When he came down, he laid out the pieces, and the bottom layer of fabric had slipped. Everything cut for the left side was off grain by almost a little more than a sixteenth.”
“Oh, no.”
“He laid out the rest of the fabric, ten yards, probably eight hundred dollars’ worth, and I’m crying already, because I know how bad this is. He hands me his scissors, which were twice the size of mine, and he says, ‘Cut it. Cut all of it. Small pieces. I don’t want to be able to make a facing or a pocket. Go!’ I got snot in my oxygen mask and tears everywhere, and I knew I was going to have to clean out the tubes. And I tell him I can recut the left side, you know, that it doesn’t have to be a total loss. But he takes the stuff I did correctly, the right side, and slices it in two. Then he stands over me while I chop the rest of the fabric to shreds.”
Laura heard voices downstairs, a little laughter, and then the closed front door that meant Ruby had gone back to her garden apartment. Laura didn’t dare leave her room for fear of interrupting Mom and Jimmy’s quiet time. Her living situation was getting tricky. She was going to need to find her own place again soon. “He laid out the fabric, JJ. It wasn’t your fault.”
His chair creaked again. “Yeah. I know. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
She felt the need to make a similar sort of ugly admission. “Ruby says I had an incontinence problem after Dad left. Still think I’m sexy?”
“Can I send you a cab?”
“I can get my own cab, JJ.”
“I don’t know what else to offer. Get your own cab. Are you coming back here? That’s all I want to know.”
She wanted nothing more than to see him, but it wasn’t practical. “I need to get to sleep.”
“If you lived in the city, we’d be together right now.”
“I know. It’s hard to look for something when I’m at work all the time.” There was a soft knock at her door. She got up to answer it.
“You don’t even need to like the place,” Jeremy said. “You’re with me most nights anyway.”
Laura opened the door. Mom walked in carrying a book.
“I have to go. You love me.” The words rolled and clicked around her mouth like a hard candy that hadn’t dissolved yet.
“And you love me,” Jeremy responded. “Don’t oversleep. You have a fitting in the morning.”
Mom sat on the bed, in the dark. Laura clicked off the phone, heavy with the feeling that there wasn’t going to be much sleeping that night. She turned on the light, and with Mom sitting there on the 1970s avocado bedspread she’d found at a thrift store, the absurd poverty of the room was apparent. Nothing hung on the walls. No books weighed the shelves. The curtains had been there when she’d moved in, as if she had never committed to living there at all. Laura had been so broke and hopeless when she’d moved in with Mom and Ruby all of nine months ago. She could afford a place in Midtown if she wanted it, if she could only find the time to see one first.
“You knew I thought he left earlier, and you never told me,” Laura said.
“I didn’t even know you’d convinced yourself otherwise until it was too late. There seemed no harm in it. You want to be angry at me? Go ahead. I had a lot to deal with at the time, and the extra laundry you made me wasn’t helping. I was willing to
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