off one night, they restricted me to only dating
people that they approved of. I ended up marrying one of them and
what a mistake that was.
I thought that getting married and
getting out of the house would have to make things better. I thought
they couldn't get any worse. I was wrong. Freddy got a job and we
bought a house. That one, as a matter of fact.” she said
gesturing to the ruins across the street.
“He was tight with money. I had
to account for all the household funds I spent. I had to give him the
receipts and explain any discrepancies. He was... very domineering.
He was of the same church as my parents and they believed that the
passage from the bible that said that the wife must obey the husband
was one of the most important parts of the book. There was little joy
and lots of yearning for freedom in my marriage. When I got pregnant
with Jack I thought that surely Freddy would lighten up. Instead he
cracked down. In addition to holding my freedom in his hands, he was
taking Jack's freedom when Jack was only two years old. There was a
list of things that Jack was allowed and not allowed to do. I had to
be with Jack every minute when he wasn't sleeping. I was suffocating
and I was sure that Jack would be also if I stayed with Freddy.
One day, I finally stood up to Freddy.
I told him that things had to change, that I didn't mind obeying him
but that he was far too strict with Jack, that he had to lighten up
on both of us or we'd be miserable our whole lives. He seemed to go
along with it but a couple of months later, after Jack and I had been
enjoying life for a bit, Freddy came home drunk one day. He laid into
me about having been an insubordinate wife the past couple of months
and eventually he took a swing at me. He hit me in the face and left
me with a black eye. I grabbed Jack and ran. I went straight to the
police. I pressed charges and filed for divorce. The day my parents
found out that I was divorcing Freddy, they disowned me.
I got the house, lots of good that will
do me now, custody of Jack, and a small alimony and child support
payment. Fortunately the house was paid off, but until Jack started
school I couldn't even work a regular job. I didn't know anyone
because Freddy and I never went out anywhere and we didn't have any
friends in the area. All of our friends, or I should say his friends
really, were living back near my parents. I tried to go out and take
Jack to the park, talk with other moms there, but I couldn't connect
with them at all. They all wanted to talk about the latest electronic
toy that they had bought, or brag about their children, or talk about
their 'online social lives'.
I wasn't interested in any of that. I
didn't brag about Jack. I didn't even know what they were talking
about when they went on about their online social lives. I didn't
have an internet connection until two years ago. Anyhow, by that time
I had given up and pretty much become a recluse. When Jack started
school I got a part-time job at the library; the pay isn't much but
we got by on less before I was working and we know how to live
frugally.
So, in a lot of ways, I'm kind of
damaged goods. I've always been very shy and it became worse after
Freddy and I divorced. I'm very touchy about my freedom being
infringed upon and very, very wary about losing it again.”
I just stared at her for a moment. Why
she thought that anything in her story made her damaged goods was
beyond me. She had had to go through more than anyone should and she
seemed to still have things pretty well together.
“Margaret, why do you think
you're damaged goods? What you just told me says that you are a very
strong-willed woman, not that you're damaged. It tells me that you
were abused from a young age, that doesn't make you damaged either.
It tells me that the abuse continued after you married. I'm amazed
you stayed with him for as long as you did. It sounds like he didn't
love you, he wanted to possess you. I wouldn't want to infringe
people that they approved of. I ended up marrying one of them and
what a mistake that was.
I thought that getting married and
getting out of the house would have to make things better. I thought
they couldn't get any worse. I was wrong. Freddy got a job and we
bought a house. That one, as a matter of fact.” she said
gesturing to the ruins across the street.
“He was tight with money. I had
to account for all the household funds I spent. I had to give him the
receipts and explain any discrepancies. He was... very domineering.
He was of the same church as my parents and they believed that the
passage from the bible that said that the wife must obey the husband
was one of the most important parts of the book. There was little joy
and lots of yearning for freedom in my marriage. When I got pregnant
with Jack I thought that surely Freddy would lighten up. Instead he
cracked down. In addition to holding my freedom in his hands, he was
taking Jack's freedom when Jack was only two years old. There was a
list of things that Jack was allowed and not allowed to do. I had to
be with Jack every minute when he wasn't sleeping. I was suffocating
and I was sure that Jack would be also if I stayed with Freddy.
One day, I finally stood up to Freddy.
I told him that things had to change, that I didn't mind obeying him
but that he was far too strict with Jack, that he had to lighten up
on both of us or we'd be miserable our whole lives. He seemed to go
along with it but a couple of months later, after Jack and I had been
enjoying life for a bit, Freddy came home drunk one day. He laid into
me about having been an insubordinate wife the past couple of months
and eventually he took a swing at me. He hit me in the face and left
me with a black eye. I grabbed Jack and ran. I went straight to the
police. I pressed charges and filed for divorce. The day my parents
found out that I was divorcing Freddy, they disowned me.
I got the house, lots of good that will
do me now, custody of Jack, and a small alimony and child support
payment. Fortunately the house was paid off, but until Jack started
school I couldn't even work a regular job. I didn't know anyone
because Freddy and I never went out anywhere and we didn't have any
friends in the area. All of our friends, or I should say his friends
really, were living back near my parents. I tried to go out and take
Jack to the park, talk with other moms there, but I couldn't connect
with them at all. They all wanted to talk about the latest electronic
toy that they had bought, or brag about their children, or talk about
their 'online social lives'.
I wasn't interested in any of that. I
didn't brag about Jack. I didn't even know what they were talking
about when they went on about their online social lives. I didn't
have an internet connection until two years ago. Anyhow, by that time
I had given up and pretty much become a recluse. When Jack started
school I got a part-time job at the library; the pay isn't much but
we got by on less before I was working and we know how to live
frugally.
So, in a lot of ways, I'm kind of
damaged goods. I've always been very shy and it became worse after
Freddy and I divorced. I'm very touchy about my freedom being
infringed upon and very, very wary about losing it again.”
I just stared at her for a moment. Why
she thought that anything in her story made her damaged goods was
beyond me. She had had to go through more than anyone should and she
seemed to still have things pretty well together.
“Margaret, why do you think
you're damaged goods? What you just told me says that you are a very
strong-willed woman, not that you're damaged. It tells me that you
were abused from a young age, that doesn't make you damaged either.
It tells me that the abuse continued after you married. I'm amazed
you stayed with him for as long as you did. It sounds like he didn't
love you, he wanted to possess you. I wouldn't want to infringe
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