for work I
won't wear it again."
He took a step backward as if I'd pushed him.
"I didn't say too sexy, I just... look, I'm sorry. I won't
bring up your clothes again. She said... I just thought..." He
shook his head. "It's a nice bright pink, that's all. Cheers up the
office."
I felt bad for making him uncomfortable, but
then calling my jacket sexy had made me uncomfortable so I figured
we were even. I made myself smile, though, not wanting bad feelings
between us. "Cheering up the office is a good thing, right? I'll
wear the jacket whenever it seems like the place needs some
cheering. Deal?"
His smile seemed as forced as mine had been.
"Deal."
He left, and I leaned back in my chair and
sighed. He wasn't being a slimeball, not really. He was just
complimenting me. Why had I felt such a strong need to shut him
down?
Past clothing discussions with Gary flashed
through my mind. The time he'd teased me about a skirt I'd bought
that turned out to be slightly see-through. I'd never worn it
again, not even with a slip, because I'd been sure he'd remember
and tease me again. The time a coworker had commented on how I
always wore high heels and Gary had said, "Plus it makes her calves
look great," after I'd explained that I felt too short otherwise.
Not to mention the silent ones, the many times I'd caught him
staring at my chest or felt his eyes on my behind as I walked
away.
I hadn't consciously thought of any of those
when he'd mentioned my jacket, but on some level they'd all come
together inside me. That was why I'd felt the anger, why I'd
had to shut him down. My intuition knew it was necessary.
I'd thought I had no intuition. Maybe
the reversing project was proving me wrong.
*****
"No mac and cheese today? I thought you loved
it."
I set my toasted club sandwich on the table
and sat down across from Tina. "I did. But I'm doing this..." Did I
want to tell her? I wasn't sure. "...thing."
"Okay," she said, her face solemn. "Whose
thing? Is he cute?"
It took me a second to realize what she'd
said, then we laughed. "Nobody's thing, trust me. It's a...
reversing project, I guess. I take the little things, and the big
ones too, in my life, and do them differently. I figure I need to
change myself and this seems like a good way."
I also hoped it would get me Alex back, but I
didn't want to say so and sound desperate. He'd been gone for
nearly a month and my pain had barely begun to heal. I still found
myself expecting to see him when I walked into the apartment, still
had to stop myself filtering every decision and action through how
he'd see the situation. I hated it but there it was. I'd gone
straight from my parents to Alex and I'd never been an adult in
charge of myself. I didn't even know how. All I knew was that I
needed to be my opposite and the reversing project seemed like my
only chance.
"And now I seem drawn to what I need to do. Talking to people who need help, responding differently to
comments, that sort of thing. I'm picking up on stuff I didn't see
before."
"That makes sense."
"It does? How?"
She shrugged. "It's all that law of
attraction stuff, isn't it? What you need comes to you when you
need it and you just have to take it."
That wasn't how I felt at all, but before I
could say so she said, "It's a neat idea. How'd you come up with
it?"
I told her about Bob the pizza delivery guy's
near-fatal heart attack, and she shivered. "Stuff like that's so
creepy. See? He could have asked any of his customers but he asked
the one person who'd know how to help. It's exactly the same
thing."
I nodded, and she said, "And I guess you
could probably use a fresh outlook on life, right? Given... recent
changes."
"Yup. So far it's been working pretty well.
I've tried a bunch of things I'd never tried before, talked to a
lot of people... but it's tiring too."
"You're trying to reverse everything,
right?"
"Mostly. I'm hardly going to go be a hooker
just because I've never done it before."
She laughed. "Yeah,
won't wear it again."
He took a step backward as if I'd pushed him.
"I didn't say too sexy, I just... look, I'm sorry. I won't
bring up your clothes again. She said... I just thought..." He
shook his head. "It's a nice bright pink, that's all. Cheers up the
office."
I felt bad for making him uncomfortable, but
then calling my jacket sexy had made me uncomfortable so I figured
we were even. I made myself smile, though, not wanting bad feelings
between us. "Cheering up the office is a good thing, right? I'll
wear the jacket whenever it seems like the place needs some
cheering. Deal?"
His smile seemed as forced as mine had been.
"Deal."
He left, and I leaned back in my chair and
sighed. He wasn't being a slimeball, not really. He was just
complimenting me. Why had I felt such a strong need to shut him
down?
Past clothing discussions with Gary flashed
through my mind. The time he'd teased me about a skirt I'd bought
that turned out to be slightly see-through. I'd never worn it
again, not even with a slip, because I'd been sure he'd remember
and tease me again. The time a coworker had commented on how I
always wore high heels and Gary had said, "Plus it makes her calves
look great," after I'd explained that I felt too short otherwise.
Not to mention the silent ones, the many times I'd caught him
staring at my chest or felt his eyes on my behind as I walked
away.
I hadn't consciously thought of any of those
when he'd mentioned my jacket, but on some level they'd all come
together inside me. That was why I'd felt the anger, why I'd
had to shut him down. My intuition knew it was necessary.
I'd thought I had no intuition. Maybe
the reversing project was proving me wrong.
*****
"No mac and cheese today? I thought you loved
it."
I set my toasted club sandwich on the table
and sat down across from Tina. "I did. But I'm doing this..." Did I
want to tell her? I wasn't sure. "...thing."
"Okay," she said, her face solemn. "Whose
thing? Is he cute?"
It took me a second to realize what she'd
said, then we laughed. "Nobody's thing, trust me. It's a...
reversing project, I guess. I take the little things, and the big
ones too, in my life, and do them differently. I figure I need to
change myself and this seems like a good way."
I also hoped it would get me Alex back, but I
didn't want to say so and sound desperate. He'd been gone for
nearly a month and my pain had barely begun to heal. I still found
myself expecting to see him when I walked into the apartment, still
had to stop myself filtering every decision and action through how
he'd see the situation. I hated it but there it was. I'd gone
straight from my parents to Alex and I'd never been an adult in
charge of myself. I didn't even know how. All I knew was that I
needed to be my opposite and the reversing project seemed like my
only chance.
"And now I seem drawn to what I need to do. Talking to people who need help, responding differently to
comments, that sort of thing. I'm picking up on stuff I didn't see
before."
"That makes sense."
"It does? How?"
She shrugged. "It's all that law of
attraction stuff, isn't it? What you need comes to you when you
need it and you just have to take it."
That wasn't how I felt at all, but before I
could say so she said, "It's a neat idea. How'd you come up with
it?"
I told her about Bob the pizza delivery guy's
near-fatal heart attack, and she shivered. "Stuff like that's so
creepy. See? He could have asked any of his customers but he asked
the one person who'd know how to help. It's exactly the same
thing."
I nodded, and she said, "And I guess you
could probably use a fresh outlook on life, right? Given... recent
changes."
"Yup. So far it's been working pretty well.
I've tried a bunch of things I'd never tried before, talked to a
lot of people... but it's tiring too."
"You're trying to reverse everything,
right?"
"Mostly. I'm hardly going to go be a hooker
just because I've never done it before."
She laughed. "Yeah,
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