himself as possible.
When the large gray he was astride began wheezing at the unaccustomed exercise he eased off on the reins, pulling the horse to a halt beside a slow-moving stream. When he was a lad, this was one of his favorite places on the estate, and a cynical smile touched his lips at the memory of the countless hours he'd lain on itsgrassy banks, spinning dreams of fame and glory. In his childish visions he'd pictured himself returning to Kirkswood to save the estate from some deadly peril. Well, those boyhood dreams had finally come true, he acknowledged bitterly, but instead of the triumph he'd always expected to feel, he knew only the empty pain of disillusionment.
There had been a son — a child whose life had ended almost before it had begun. He grieved for his small nephew, resenting the fact that he'd never had the chance to know him. He should have been there, he thought, his eyes glittering with the force of his emotions. Perhaps if he had been, things might have turned out differently. Frederick might still have died, he conceded, but perhaps he might have been able to save the boy. If he'd been home and known of the wager, he'd never have allowed his brother to risk his wife and child on something so frivolous as a bet. . . .
"I hope I'm not disturbing you." The deep voice brought Joss's head snapping up, but he felt no surprise at the sight of Raj on the other horse.
"How did you find me?" he asked, his eyes returning to the sun-dappled stream.
"I saw your rather hasty departure from my chamber, and when I asked your butler where you might have gone he suggested this place,"Raj answered, swinging down from his horse to stand beside Joss. "A favorite of yours, I gather?"
"It was my sanctuary," Joss replied quietly. "Neither my father or brother cared much for fishing, and so I knew they would never think to look for me here. It was one of the places I missed most when they first sent me to school."
"I remember a garden at my grandmother's house," Raj said, his features relaxing in a contemplative smile. "It was on the terrace outside the
purdah
, and I'd hide there whenever my
ayah
was angry with me — which was often. During those cold winter nights at Eton, I'd fall asleep longing for the smell of my grandmother's roses."
Joss said nothing, although he was moved by Raj's confession. In all the years they'd known each other, this was one of the few times he'd heard his friend speak of his childhood. Avoidance of the past was one of the many things they had in common, and it pleased him that Raj would choose to share the memory with him now. He dismounted and lowered himself to the damp grass, unmindful of the damage he was causing to his borrowed breeches.
"Frederick had a child, Raj," he said softly, his eyes staring straight ahead. "A son. He is dead as well."
"I am sorry, Joss." Raj also settled on thegrass, leaning his broad shoulders against the trunk of a gnarled apple tree.
"Lady Louisa was with Frederick when the curricle overturned, and it caused the babe to come early. He lived five weeks."
"Ah, that explains it, then."
"Their delay in contacting me?" Joss gave a harsh laugh. "Yes, I said as much to Miss Stone, and she didn't bother denying it."
"I am sure she did not," Raj agreed, his blue eyes rueful. "But as it happens, I was referring to Lady Louisa. Only so great a tragedy as that could have given one so young and lovely such ancient eyes."
Joss raised a russet eyebrow at the odd sentiment. "More of your Eastern mysticism?" he asked, skeptically.
"If you like." Raj didn't appear offended by Joss's reaction.
"Well, you are taking the news far better than did I," Joss admitted, wincing in remorse as he recalled his bitter words. "Miss Stone's opinion of me is certain to be even lower after the fool I made of myself." He proceeded to describe the scene in her study.
"You had every right to be hurt," Raj said when he was done. "Frederick was your brother, you should have
When the large gray he was astride began wheezing at the unaccustomed exercise he eased off on the reins, pulling the horse to a halt beside a slow-moving stream. When he was a lad, this was one of his favorite places on the estate, and a cynical smile touched his lips at the memory of the countless hours he'd lain on itsgrassy banks, spinning dreams of fame and glory. In his childish visions he'd pictured himself returning to Kirkswood to save the estate from some deadly peril. Well, those boyhood dreams had finally come true, he acknowledged bitterly, but instead of the triumph he'd always expected to feel, he knew only the empty pain of disillusionment.
There had been a son — a child whose life had ended almost before it had begun. He grieved for his small nephew, resenting the fact that he'd never had the chance to know him. He should have been there, he thought, his eyes glittering with the force of his emotions. Perhaps if he had been, things might have turned out differently. Frederick might still have died, he conceded, but perhaps he might have been able to save the boy. If he'd been home and known of the wager, he'd never have allowed his brother to risk his wife and child on something so frivolous as a bet. . . .
"I hope I'm not disturbing you." The deep voice brought Joss's head snapping up, but he felt no surprise at the sight of Raj on the other horse.
"How did you find me?" he asked, his eyes returning to the sun-dappled stream.
"I saw your rather hasty departure from my chamber, and when I asked your butler where you might have gone he suggested this place,"Raj answered, swinging down from his horse to stand beside Joss. "A favorite of yours, I gather?"
"It was my sanctuary," Joss replied quietly. "Neither my father or brother cared much for fishing, and so I knew they would never think to look for me here. It was one of the places I missed most when they first sent me to school."
"I remember a garden at my grandmother's house," Raj said, his features relaxing in a contemplative smile. "It was on the terrace outside the
purdah
, and I'd hide there whenever my
ayah
was angry with me — which was often. During those cold winter nights at Eton, I'd fall asleep longing for the smell of my grandmother's roses."
Joss said nothing, although he was moved by Raj's confession. In all the years they'd known each other, this was one of the few times he'd heard his friend speak of his childhood. Avoidance of the past was one of the many things they had in common, and it pleased him that Raj would choose to share the memory with him now. He dismounted and lowered himself to the damp grass, unmindful of the damage he was causing to his borrowed breeches.
"Frederick had a child, Raj," he said softly, his eyes staring straight ahead. "A son. He is dead as well."
"I am sorry, Joss." Raj also settled on thegrass, leaning his broad shoulders against the trunk of a gnarled apple tree.
"Lady Louisa was with Frederick when the curricle overturned, and it caused the babe to come early. He lived five weeks."
"Ah, that explains it, then."
"Their delay in contacting me?" Joss gave a harsh laugh. "Yes, I said as much to Miss Stone, and she didn't bother denying it."
"I am sure she did not," Raj agreed, his blue eyes rueful. "But as it happens, I was referring to Lady Louisa. Only so great a tragedy as that could have given one so young and lovely such ancient eyes."
Joss raised a russet eyebrow at the odd sentiment. "More of your Eastern mysticism?" he asked, skeptically.
"If you like." Raj didn't appear offended by Joss's reaction.
"Well, you are taking the news far better than did I," Joss admitted, wincing in remorse as he recalled his bitter words. "Miss Stone's opinion of me is certain to be even lower after the fool I made of myself." He proceeded to describe the scene in her study.
"You had every right to be hurt," Raj said when he was done. "Frederick was your brother, you should have
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