him.
“Don’t pull that on me now!” he grumbled. “You’re a
big girl. Didn’t you suggest we come here?”
64 __________________Gloria Graham
She stood speechless. What had happened to the un-
derstanding he had shown earlier. He grabbed her. His
eyes flashed. He was angry. Pamela tried to pull away.
He pulled her viciously to his chest and kissed her on the mouth. Pamela pushed him away from her.
She felt like someone had pierced her heart. She wanted
him to understand, to be the man she prayed he was. Tears welled in her eyes.
“I don’t like playing games!” he said. And added, “I
should be used to it by now! You women are all alike!”
Jeff turned away from her.
How could she have been so mistaken about him? Pa-
mela watched as he walked slowly to the cottage door.
“I’ll take you back to the city,” he said curtly.
Pamela gathered her coat and as she started to shut off
the lights and close the door she gazed at the window and the lights sparkling on Back Bay. She said a soft, silent prayer. “God help me. I’m so vulnerable now.” The door
closed solidly behind her.
The silence between them was awkward. Pamela knew
she had disappointed him. She had hurt his pride.
He had disappointed her too. She had hoped their
relationship would grow.
Jeff pulled up in front of her apartment. She wondered
what he would say.
“Can I see you again?” He had been deep in thought
the entire drive back.
She was surprised.
“Do you want to?”
“I don’t understand it, but I do.”
“Maybe you just don’t like losing?” she asked.
A Memory Unchained___________ 65
“It’s something else. Can’t explain it, but I sincerely
want to see you again.”
“Of course, call me, we’ll try again.”
Jeff was watching as she walked to her door. She could
feel his eyes on her. When he smiled, all the pent up feelings and emotions of the woman inside her stirred.
Pamela burst into tears the moment she shut the door.
Sobbing her disappointment to the Lord, she confessed she had been too eager to have a relationship. It had backfired.
She felt silly, like a child again. Then a verse from the Bible came slipping into her thoughts, “Unless you become a
a little child you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven.”
Pamela stopped crying. She was just a child again, in the world alone. She thought of Jeff again. The verse kept
repeating in her mind.
He had seemed so quiet, so understanding. What had
happened? Had she given him the wrong idea? Was he re-
ally the playboy the gossip columnists portrayed him as?
Pamela remembered how frustrated and depressed she felt
that following day.
She opened her eyes to view the Paris sky again.
She thought of her beautiful day she had spent in Paris,
with Rex. She closed her eyes again. He brought only happy feelings to her heart.
The pool area was deserted now, only the sound of
television sets in the distant hotel rooms broke the quiet.
She smiled. It sounded like a calliope – a whistling,
turning calliope.
She held her forehead tightly. “Oh God, will I ever for-
get Tom? How long will it take, will I ever?” She thought again. “Forgive my impatience Lord, but,” she listened to 66 __________________Gloria Graham
the calliope sound again.
Her mind reeled with memories of a very special time
with Tom.
The calliope on the merry-go-round. He had teased her
until she agreed to ride with all the children. She could see him laughing as she made each bobbing circle. She had
gotten sick. She was going to have a child.
Tom had been overjoyed and that night had been very
special. His warm and tender kisses were loving and pas-
sionate.
She belonged to Tom, completely, honestly faithfully.
They shared their love and their faith.
She had remembered lying in bed next to Tom that
night with Tom and the echoes of the merry-go-round and
its mystic whistling organ sound replaying in her head. Her dreams were strong, filled with
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