greatly, as I'm sure we all will. Today we bury a man that could very well have been the best King this country has ever seen and we are poorer for the fact."
I could tell how much it cost him to speak without breaking down and my eyes tracked him as he stood down from the podium and returned to his seat. A pretty blonde woman embraced him fiercely and he wrapped his arms around her in return. The sight irritated me and I tore my eyes away and turned back to the front.
I tuned out the rest of the service, knowing that the words spoken now would not bring my brother back to me or bring the Crown Prince back to Merveille. My spirit was low and I did not know how it would be possible for me to go on beyond this day.
There were so many expectations on me that had never been there before. How on earth did Jacob stand it? I'd had my future pretty much mapped out and now it was all gone. I hadn't asked to be born into a Royal family and I hadn't asked to be thrust into this position of Heir Apparent, Queen in Waiting. Nobody had asked my opinion on any of this, but I was expected to walk away from what I had dreamed of for my life to live the dreams of someone else.
I grit my teeth as I listened to the empty platitudes of nobles who could care less about my grief and suffering. All any of these people cared about was how it affected them and their future, nobody spared a thought for the reluctant princess.
Intellectually I knew the angry thoughts that circulated my brain were part of the grieving process, but that didn't help to dampen the ire. I was angry. I was angry because just about every other person in this chapel, in this town and in this country got to choose their own destiny. But not me. I had no say in the matter. With the careless decision of someone to wipe out half of my immediate family they had taken away my choice.
My fists clenched into hard balls at my side and my posture was rigid as I sat surrounded by selfish, entitled morons. I knew that as soon as the official mourning period was over, their sickeningly sweet smiles and empty platitudes would turn to snide remarks and back stabbing. I may be inexperienced in court machinations, but I wasn't blind to them.
The problem with the way our government was run was that every member was there with their own agenda. The four year term of office meant that government only planned for things they could get done within the timeframe. It was shortsighted and did our country no favours.
In the same vein, the nobility of our country, for the most part, were only in it for what they could get out of it. I'm sure there were peers that did seek to do some good with the privilege that they had been afforded, but there were far too few of them. Money had become synonymous with power and the nobles fought over it just as mightily as starving beggars in the streets, they were only dressed better.
The congregation stood to sing a final hymn and it broke me out of my fast spiralling hate-fest, not exactly the most appropriate thing to be ruminating over at my own brother's funeral. I unclenched my hands and let the tension fall from my shoulders as I stood with everyone else and sung of the amazing grace of our Lord.
If my brother could read my thoughts from his throne in heaven, I have no doubt that he was laughing his backside off. He loved the intrigue of the court, thrived on the political manoeuvrings of the Parliament and adored the showmanship of his title. He had often riled me up about the politics of our country just for sport and I was sure he would have found my ugly thoughts entertaining. It made me smile, in a way, and was probably a fitting tribute to him.
Jordan moved away from my side to take his place as pallbearer, as did Will, Carlos and several other of Jacob's friends. I held my mother's hand as we followed the casket down the long aisle of the grand the Cathédrale
I could tell how much it cost him to speak without breaking down and my eyes tracked him as he stood down from the podium and returned to his seat. A pretty blonde woman embraced him fiercely and he wrapped his arms around her in return. The sight irritated me and I tore my eyes away and turned back to the front.
I tuned out the rest of the service, knowing that the words spoken now would not bring my brother back to me or bring the Crown Prince back to Merveille. My spirit was low and I did not know how it would be possible for me to go on beyond this day.
There were so many expectations on me that had never been there before. How on earth did Jacob stand it? I'd had my future pretty much mapped out and now it was all gone. I hadn't asked to be born into a Royal family and I hadn't asked to be thrust into this position of Heir Apparent, Queen in Waiting. Nobody had asked my opinion on any of this, but I was expected to walk away from what I had dreamed of for my life to live the dreams of someone else.
I grit my teeth as I listened to the empty platitudes of nobles who could care less about my grief and suffering. All any of these people cared about was how it affected them and their future, nobody spared a thought for the reluctant princess.
Intellectually I knew the angry thoughts that circulated my brain were part of the grieving process, but that didn't help to dampen the ire. I was angry. I was angry because just about every other person in this chapel, in this town and in this country got to choose their own destiny. But not me. I had no say in the matter. With the careless decision of someone to wipe out half of my immediate family they had taken away my choice.
My fists clenched into hard balls at my side and my posture was rigid as I sat surrounded by selfish, entitled morons. I knew that as soon as the official mourning period was over, their sickeningly sweet smiles and empty platitudes would turn to snide remarks and back stabbing. I may be inexperienced in court machinations, but I wasn't blind to them.
The problem with the way our government was run was that every member was there with their own agenda. The four year term of office meant that government only planned for things they could get done within the timeframe. It was shortsighted and did our country no favours.
In the same vein, the nobility of our country, for the most part, were only in it for what they could get out of it. I'm sure there were peers that did seek to do some good with the privilege that they had been afforded, but there were far too few of them. Money had become synonymous with power and the nobles fought over it just as mightily as starving beggars in the streets, they were only dressed better.
The congregation stood to sing a final hymn and it broke me out of my fast spiralling hate-fest, not exactly the most appropriate thing to be ruminating over at my own brother's funeral. I unclenched my hands and let the tension fall from my shoulders as I stood with everyone else and sung of the amazing grace of our Lord.
If my brother could read my thoughts from his throne in heaven, I have no doubt that he was laughing his backside off. He loved the intrigue of the court, thrived on the political manoeuvrings of the Parliament and adored the showmanship of his title. He had often riled me up about the politics of our country just for sport and I was sure he would have found my ugly thoughts entertaining. It made me smile, in a way, and was probably a fitting tribute to him.
Jordan moved away from my side to take his place as pallbearer, as did Will, Carlos and several other of Jacob's friends. I held my mother's hand as we followed the casket down the long aisle of the grand the Cathédrale
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